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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants me to move

82 replies

Elyi · 05/01/2025 22:08

I’ve been seeing this guy for roughly a year. We have had quite a few trials and tribulations in that time. To cut a long story short, I was expecting but due to his insistence about it being to soon, I ended up terminating the pregnancy. Fast forward to now, he wants us to move in together but has told me it’s either near where his child (14) lives or we are over. I have a 12 year old of my own and this was never something he never said was set in stone. It’s not an area that’s particularly great. I’ve explained my concerns which have fallen on deaf ears. Part of the issue is he is estranged from his child despite a 50/50 court order. I’m not set against it, just that I’m not being heard at all, and instead being told his child is his number one priority and he will allocate time to other priorities thereafter….ie us. I also need to consider my child’s best interests. He also expects me to prioritise him and his child over my life and dreams etc. I did ask if I’m not his priority then how can he be expect me to make him his. I feel incredibly selfish. The thing is, there is no contact and he only lives 40 minutes away in an area I’d be happy to live. Apparently that isn’t suitable for him etc. I did suggest that he can’t go back to court to enforce contact and a breach of the order when he never turns up to enforce it or keep a diary of this. Also, he had managed to fit in time for a new relationship and act very footloose in the time I’ve known him. Again, he never responded to these points and deflected a lot. Most communication wasn’t compassionate but stark and full of ultimatums. Am I wrong to be feeling put out? I would love to meet his child and us all get along yet asking me to buy into a house with all the above and then scoffing at a commitment towards me such as marriage given the commitment I’d be making…it all feels off. Any advice would be welcomed and I don’t mind if it is that I’m the one at fault here. Thanks. :)

OP posts:
raysan · 06/01/2025 00:34

Id love to hear what his kid's mam has to say about him... 😆

Elyi · 06/01/2025 00:58

@raysan oh yes. I really would have. Never mind….I’m out of the s show.

OP posts:
ThatLimeCat · 06/01/2025 02:49

Good on you for leaving. Well done. It can be hard to see what is really going on when you are in it, I'm glad you were able to get advice here.

Nantescalling · 06/01/2025 14:42

He is choosing his DD rather than you. Life will always be like this forever. You don't deserve such a creep.

Sazzerss · 06/01/2025 15:08

Thank god.
He is utter abusive scum.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

It will help you going forward.
Well done.

coxesorangepippin · 06/01/2025 15:18

It's a no from me

These men!!!

arcticpandas · 06/01/2025 15:52

@Elyi So relieved you put an end to this. You don't even live together and he has already been abusive towards you. I understand why his 14 year old has chosen to cut him out of his life. And think what he might have done to your 12 year old if you lived together 😨. You both have dodged a bullet!

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