AIBU to be annoyed by this comment from my MIL-to-be?

[Bixy14]

My OH and I got engaged in November and have now set a date for the wedding very soon. For context we’ve been together over 10 years and see both sets of our parents at least once/twice a month so feel we know each others families well.

Anyway at Christmas we spent the evening with his parents, older sister and sisters partner and MIL gave us gifts which included a bag of goodies/sweets. I started digging in (in appreciation!) and she snatched them off me and said ‘oops I forgot you’ll be a bride now!’

I was a bit in shock and didn’t really know what to say so I just laughed and OH’s sister said ‘Erm she can eat what she likes!’

I’m not an overweight person (not that I think this would be acceptable if I was!) and I’m sure she meant it as a joke, but I keep reliving the comment in my mind and getting really annoyed about it! I go between ‘what a strange thing to say’ and ‘how dare she!!?’

I’m very anti-diet culture and think as long as you are happy and comfortable no one should care what anyone’s bodies look like. I don’t plan on doing any crazy dieting or trying to change myself before the wedding as I just don’t believe it’s necessary, I am who I am and I look like what I look like! I would hate this kind of messaging to be passed down to any future children I may have.

I must know, AIBU to be annoyed about this?

Why do you think it's 'probably true' that it's 'generational'?

AND decide that she (MiL) was therefore the bride-diet police?

Agree with the above comment. Sending a text would is going to Stoke a fire you don't need before a wedding. I don't think it was personal. Respond if she says it again but leave this one one off in the past.

YANBU to be a bit miffed, but she's probably a Boomer and used to the stereotypical dieting bride jokes. If I took everything a Boomer said to heart I'd be in therapy. So YABU to let it get to you, in the kindest possible way 😁

Possibly a generational thing. If she is generally fine, I'd overlook this.

At this point I’d just ignore it and move on
IF she repeats it, THEN address it clearly and calmly. Ask her to explain what she means, in detail. Push her until she gets uncomfortable “sorry, I don’t understand, can you explain?” “Are you implying that I need to lose weight?” “It would be great of we BOTH looked good in the photos, would you like me to accompany you to weight watchers?” “I’d be happy to support you in your weight loss journey” etc etc.

Not unreasonable. In the slightest bit. If mil tries to comment on your body again just say "I'm sorry that you feel that you had to do that, but I will be wearing a dress that fits me and not me trying to fit in a dress, as that's just added stress that nobody needs." So thank you for your input but I'll be doing what suits DP and myself. 😊

I had this when I was engaged, at a wors Christmas meal i was eating what I liked and my female manager joked how I "wouldn't fit into my wedding dress"
Thing is I've always ate what I want and only been overweight between the ages of 37 and 41 when I was breastfeeding my youngest!

Forget it. Your OH's sister has called her out on it.
You'll have enough to do to sort out a wedding so don't start focussing on a totally irrelevant remark otherwise you'll start resenting your MIL for something she probably said innocently. I don't think it was a dig at you and don't treat it as such.
You've known her for 10 years and have years of her in your life ahead of you. I would certainly be against advising you to turn against her for this.
Enjoy your wedding.

I admit that I would find this VERY annoying and if it was said again, I would be very sharp in my response. I think it's great that your SIL called her out, but if she does it again, don't pull your punches. I get that her age maybe explains it, but it doesn't excuse it. Diet culture is toxic, sexist, and reductive and you are right to give it no quarter.

tell her she won't be invited to the wedding as she'd clearly be disappointed that you're the same size and shape that you are now.

I don't think it is unreasonable to be concerned about such a difference of attitude when the person concerned would be the grandmother of any children you would have, though. It isn't quite the same as some random person making a throwaway comment. I'm not saying the OP should be loud and dramatic, but she shouldn't feel that she needs to be ok with it just because the MIL's feeling is 'hardly unique'. A lot of bad things in society are 'hardly unique' but that doesn't mean we should always just shrug them off, especially not in our own family.

That's a huge overreaction!! It's just a stupid comment - I wouldn't be triggering any animosity over it!

Lovely piece of stereotypical ageism right there!!!

What utter rubbish.

I imagine some people did, just as I see on wedding forums some people doing so now, but it is utter rot to try and suggest "people ... always dieted pre-wedding"

I hope this is sarcastic ?

Otherwise you might need to get some help with your anger issues.

This is a completely over the top reaction.

Disappointing to see so many posters being so ageist on here.

Jesus. What an over reaction

It's rude for anyone to give you something then snatch it away. Quite bizarre behaviour.

I'd ignore this but as others have said, if these kind of comments came out in front of children I would take her to one side and tell her to stop immediately (and make sure any access was supervised).

Ah op unfortunately when you get engaged and a wedding is coming up all of a sudden its like the green light for people to impart all sorts of "advice" upon you whether you want it or not. It's great training for the rest of your life especially if you then have children etc.

I would hate this, everything about diet culture and those types of comments grate me. My own mum is constant with it (even without a wedding!). I just have a line prepared for her "I don't participate in diet culture so that won't be necessary" type of thing. Shut it down immediately but politely and be consistent so she gets the message. If she persists then it's your fiancé's problem to deal with as it's their mum.

It also helps me to remember that I get much, much more positive messages from media and other sources now than my mum ever would have and I'm thankful for that. I try to be polite about it because I do think in that respect she's a product of her time (the stuff on TV and in other media sources in the 80s 90s 00s that we just accepted as normal was actually horrific looking back) and I'm glad I can break that culture for my ds and hopefully raise him with a better body image and understanding of what female bodies look like too.

I agree with saraclara! Why would the other person never ever speak to her MIL- very extreme ..

Nothing new sadly.

How utterly fucking ridiculous to apply nonsensical stereotypes to an entire generation!

I am at the very tail end of the Boomer generation and I don't conform to any stereotypes. I'd like to see some of those making these ageist comments live the way we did back in the day! I remember getting our first fridge and first TV. We were the only house locally that had a phone - neighbours used to ask to use it and pay us sixpence!! We had no central heating and the windows were single-glazed, so if there was frost, it was on the inside of them as well as out.

Jesus weren't we so lucky!!!

MIL did something similar on our wedding day, we had chocolate hearts on the table and I picked one up to eat and she said they were not for eating now, they were for after dinner!

If I posted some of the batshit comments my MIL made, I would be here all night!!!

We had 2 DDs and then a DS. SIL had a DS several months after our son was born.

MIL said, "at least she had the decency to let you have a son first"!!!

20 years later, I still can't figure that one out!

My point was that most women prefer to be slim and live in a society where that is difficult, so comments about weight and food are pretty inescapable, and the OPs child will encounter them regularly. Policing her MiLs speech would be like trying to bail out a ship with a thimble, so there is no point dwelling on this type of comment. The OP just needs to tell her child "Grandma thinks is better not to eat a lot of sweets to stay slim, but mummy disagrees" and tell her MiL "I don't agree with restricting what I eat to be slim".