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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm afraid my daughter will have gender disappointment with new sibling

95 replies

Risingsun93 · 05/01/2025 14:45

I'm currently 4 months pregnant and have been firm in not finding out the gender, I'm happy with any.
However my daughter who will be 4 in February keeps referring to bump as 'she' and regularly talks about wanting a sister. We told her when I was 12 weeks pregnant and explained many times that we don't get to choose and it could be a boy. She will ignore this fact and continue to say things like "I don't want a brother", "I don't want a baby boy". She's absolutely lovely in every manner and I completely understand the want to have a sister. I'm thinking that I need to budge and find out gender now so she has time to accept if it is in fact a boy. I'm afraid she'll not want to bond/have a dislike for the baby? But this kind of breaks my heart as I desperately want the surprise at the birth.
AIBU ? Is it better to find out now for her sake.

OP posts:
LetsNCagain · 05/01/2025 15:28

Personally I would find out (and I did when pg with dc2). Then if it's a boy, show her series involving an older sister and younger brother eg we watched Peppa pig, Puffin rock, treehouse detectives... I'm sure there's loads more. If it's a girl, vice versa.

Fwiw my dd adores her baby brother, almost as much as he adores her. So some pp may say it's over the top but in our case it worked out.

Biroclicker · 05/01/2025 15:33

I have the same age gap. I found out.(Tbh you had to be blind not to see his penis wave about on the scan!) It made it a lot lot easier and we focused on her being 'our girl' and made her feel special. It's also a good way to discuss stereotypes. Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he won't want to play with dollies etc.

Sophie3003 · 05/01/2025 15:34

I was 6 when my brother was born, I was adamant I was having and only wanted a sister. My parents didn't find out and I was so unhappy when I found out he was born a boy and said to put him in the bin 🤣! As soon as I saw him all was forgotten and since then I have been extremely happy to have a brother and we are still close now! If you don't want to find out don't and let your daughter fall in love with their sibling regardless ☺️

Songbird54321 · 05/01/2025 15:34

We had this, our eldest was 4 when our second was born and also kept referring to her baby sister/she etc.
We did indeed have a girl but now that girl is a very lively toddler in the throws of terrible twos, our eldest has said a few times maybe a boy would have been better. So really what I'm trying to say is don't dwell on it, she's not guaranteed to be happy even if she gets her wish and if she doesn't, she'll really have little option but to get over it.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 05/01/2025 15:34

3.5 year age gap here and DD really wanted a sister. She was lucky and got her wish. My friends DD was the same, 4 year age gap and baby was a boy, she was still delighted but she did find the sex out before hand x

Didimum · 05/01/2025 15:35

I think you’re unreasonable to let your 4yr old wield this much power over you, OP! Most little girls want a baby sister and vice versa. C’est la vie!

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/01/2025 15:38

Don’t find out if you don’t want to. She’s 4, she’ll get over it. When the baby is here she’ll be so excited to have a baby sibling I doubt she’ll care and if she does she’ll soon get over it.

any resentment will probably come from loosing the focus of mummy and daddy rather than the gender of the baby. Just make sure you make plenty of time for her and to make her feel loved, wanted and special and she’ll be fine.

BabyShock879 · 05/01/2025 15:41

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/01/2025 15:10

When DD2 started saying she wanted a baby brother (I wasn't even pregnant), it went on for ages until DD1 mustered up the most world weary ten year old voice;

'Well <sigh>, I was hoping for a puppy and ended up with you, so don't be getting your hopes up too high'.

@NeverDropYourMooncup that actually brought a smile to my face 😂, your DD is hilarious

Diamond2793 · 05/01/2025 15:45

My son was 4 when I had my daughter we didn’t find out gender we liked the surprise he went on and on about having a brother and he didn’t like girls but when he came to the hospital and saw her for the first time nothing was ever mentioned he just thought she was amazing I think for that she the reality of the baby being there it doesn’t really bother them just remember him being really confused why she couldn’t play with him straight away!!

Sophie3003 · 05/01/2025 15:47

My daughter was also nearly 4 when DD2 was born- she was always convinced I was having a boy but has never had a problem accepting baby sister when she arrived and also we had a second surprise as to be honest we all were convinced baby was a born (including my midwife!)

Overthebow · 05/01/2025 15:49

My dd wanted a sister, she got a brother. We found out at the scan and told her, we made sure we were enthusiastic about it when we told her as in guess what, your going to have a baby brother isn’t that exciting! And she went with it and was excited and happy about it too. She loves him now he’s here and hasn’t mentioned a sister again.

tweetypi · 05/01/2025 15:49

I had the same, my DD was 4 and obsessed with sisters (thanks Frozen!) - I found out the sex early, partly so that I could prepare her. Now he's here, she's 6 and delighted with her little brother, although he does get put in her princess dresses sometimes! I'm glad I prepared her ahead of time, it made me feel reassured.

lemonyellows · 05/01/2025 15:51

Honestly, stick to your plan.

A physical baby trumps the idea of one.

She will have to get used to a boy (if it is) regardless so why go against what you want as your birth experience

CookieThatCrumbles · 05/01/2025 15:53

my 10 year old is still disappointed my 7 year old was a girl so no they don't always get over it 😂

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/01/2025 15:58

You are over thinking it, she’s 3, it’s not gender disappointment. If she’s disappointed then she will get over it, that’s life. It’s not like she will even remember that feeling a few weeks later because 4 year olds have far better things to do than dwell on gender disappointment.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 05/01/2025 16:00

DS7 still grumbles about having sisters although he loves them really! And DD5 was hysterical when we brought DD3 home and immediately tried to kick her in the head. Fell in love with her two weeks later though. (Now they're back to arguing.)

Don't find out if you don't want to, I don't think it will make a huge difference. DS still insisted every baby was going to be a boy until they were born (and even called DD5 'him' for a good few weeks until he got used to it).

MyLoftySwan · 05/01/2025 16:00

DD was 2 and wanted a sister. She got a DB which was a surprise until birth. It was a good life lesson and once she saw him she couldn't have cared less. DD is now 5 and if we could (actually can't) have a third I wouldn't still find out the gender.

PiggyPlumPie · 05/01/2025 16:02

4 year old DS wanted a brother rather than a sister. I can still picture his cross little face when he got up in the morning to find his second sister had been born.

I wanted a boy baby, he said, firmly.

He very soon got over it and sometimes was the only one to get a smile out of her.

Newyearpug · 05/01/2025 16:06

She's 4 ,she's no idea what a brother or sister actually means to her life
Just carry on as you are

EveryOtherNameTaken · 05/01/2025 16:06

Don't reveal, just keep referring to brother or sister all the time. Maybe start talking about girls and boys names etc.asking which she likes of your choices.

adviceneeded1990 · 05/01/2025 16:11

I’ve got a friend who threw a tantrum on the maternity ward because her new baby sister wasn’t a pet kitten like she’d asked for 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think you can win either way! I was desperate for a sister (age 5 when DB was born) was over it within a day or so. My DSD wanted a sister for years. Her Mum and SD gave her one and now she wants her Dad and I to give her a brother because “sisters are annoying!”

cannaecookrisotto · 05/01/2025 16:13

In the gentlest way, you're overthinking ❤️.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and have a 7 year old DD.

For the first few months, she was adamant she wanted a sister. I am indeed having a girl.

At first she was thrilled.

Now she wants me to cancel the sister and get a brother instead.

In reality, your DD will be so happy and excited to be a big sister that they honestly won't give a shit what sex the baby is. Some of the closest siblings I know are brother and sister, so please don't worry and just crack on with the surprise. She's 4 and will be frothing with excitement when the baby is born either wayFlowers

Nextyearhopes · 05/01/2025 16:14

Hahaha when my youngest uncle was born my mum (child 3) came home from school to find her two brothers hanging a big banner up saying It’s a boy! And she turned round and walked back down the road hahahahhaha
She and uncle get on well now.

nonbinaryfinery · 05/01/2025 16:15

This is a non issue. She's four and will get over it if it turns out your baby is a boy.

Elphamouche · 05/01/2025 16:28

I was her aged 7, I told everyone at school I’d put a brother in the bin. I was deadly serious.

I did have a sister, it’s not once been like I imagined it would and the reality is in the beginning I wouldn’t have cared, I would have been excited there was a baby when they finally arrived. She will be fine don’t worry xx