To think three nights accommodation for a wedding is a bit excessive?

[toreh]

Invited to an old friend’s wedding. It’s in the UK but quite far from where I live, 1hr flight or 4-5 hours train. Friend has organised accommodation for people coming from a distance.

It’s three nights accommodation. Night before wedding. Night of wedding. Then the day after the wedding is a “friends day” of games etc, so that night too. The room is £100 a night and pretty basic so not like they could have found much cheaper really.

Then thinking it’ll cost about £100 travel there. At least £100 on gift and drinks. So all in this one wedding will cost me at least £500 and two days annual leave.

The hen do is overseas but not decided if I can go yet as that would be another £300+

Surely you can just say “I would love to come but can only stay for one/two nights”

Is there not an option to just stay on the night OF the wedding? Or even night before and night of - I wouldn’t be hanging around for a ‘friends’ day!

Surely you get to decide how many nights you stay? I wouldn't want to go away for 3 days for a wedding, as that's using at least a days AL, maybe 2 depending on your shift pattern

Sounds like a lot of fun, but if you don’t want to go, just don’t go 🤷‍♀️

Just because you don’t want to do it doesn’t make it excessive.

Could you stay for a bit of the friends day and get the last train home? I’m sure it’s well meaning booking a whole weekend of activities but I’m sure they don’t expect everyone to stay for that long, just tell them you can only do 1/2 days or whatever.

Do you actually want to go? That is the first question because it doesn't sound like it.

can you stay somewhere else?

Just say you can only stay one night. No need to say it's the cost.

Agreed. If you can afford it, and afford the time, then it sounds like fun.

If you can't, not unreasonable to cut it short.

Hen do is separate in my mind.

Snap OP - had the same thing for my niece's wedding. I realised after we could have stayed in a B and B down the road for a couple of nights and saved around £180 but just went along with it at the time for a quiet life!

Meh - a bit annoying but maybe just suck it up as a one off and enjoy seeing old friends etc..

How many nights do you actually want to stay for? Just say to your friend, I’d like a room for X number of nights please.

I'm another who thinks it doesn't sound excessive.

However it won't be for everyone due to cost, AL etc.

So respond and thank her but tell her what you can do and need and ask her if she can organise that or if she'd prefer you to sort your own as it different.

Friends day could be fun. Perhaps they're trying to lay on activities so people feel it's worth making the trip. But it's not compulsory

I would only go if I could book just one night's accommodation. Get there in the morning of the wedding, go to the event and reception, leave next day. Sorry but a "friends day" next day should never be compulsory even if it's a nice thing for those who don't have other stuff to deal with. If all accommodation options are sewn up as 3 days or nothing I wouldn't go.

It's excessive. It's a wedding, not a group holiday. You go for the ceremony and reception, I've no idea why you'd want to do longer.
Just go for the day for the actual wedding..

It's part of the total cost, though.

I think it will cost you a lot more than that. Do the wedding on your own terms. You don't have to spend all that money.

It’s not a jail sentence, you don’t have to do it.

you either tell her you can only stay one night so that’s all you’re paying for or if she says this isn’t possible you book another hotel near by for the night.

It's excessive if it's a "requirement", but a lovely option for people who have the time and money and want to do it. I did plenty of trips like that to weddings when I was in my late 20s.

But it should also be ok to decline politely and still be able to attend, albeit you may have to sort your own accommodation.

We really need more details to fully understand.

Go for two nights and you can still do some of ‘friends day’. I wouldn’t be going on the hen do unless I had lots of disposable income and really wanted to go.

Surely the hen and stag events are "friends days"? And if the bride and groom want games they can be included in the wedding reception on the day?

The trend for weddings to become such expensive, long drawn out events with location stag/hen events etc. feels very self absorbed to me. The bride and groom used to leave the wedding reception with a big send off by everyone to start their married life. Being married was the focus more than the entertainment value of the event.

Of course, free will allows each to their own, but as a principle it depresses me. And when the cost of living is so high for the majority of people, it sets up unrealistic expectations.

I'd say attend for as much as you can afford and want to OP.

What time is the wedding? Could you travel up on the day then back the next day?

Nothing wrong with saying you need to leave Sunday evening as you have to work Monday if you can get an evening flight, ditto arriving Saturday morning if it's possible. If using trains will be harder to avoid annual leave

It might be that that’s the deal for them to have exclusive use of the hotel/rooms they’ve booked. Just ask if you can book fewer nights and if not have a look at other accommodation in the area?

definitely clarify prices up front. I was burned on a hen do - they said £350-400 for two nights in the UK (ridiculous) and I said I could only do one night due to cost and because of being away from my toddler and I still had to pay £300!! For one night. Was only £50 less than the two nights. Would never have done it if I’d known.

Your friend is absolutely over-estimating people's capacity for just about everything.

See this as a smorgasbord of possibility and stay for the bits you feel you will enjoy and be able to afford. You won't be the only one feeling this way.