To think three nights accommodation for a wedding is a bit excessive?

[toreh]

Invited to an old friend’s wedding. It’s in the UK but quite far from where I live, 1hr flight or 4-5 hours train. Friend has organised accommodation for people coming from a distance.

It’s three nights accommodation. Night before wedding. Night of wedding. Then the day after the wedding is a “friends day” of games etc, so that night too. The room is £100 a night and pretty basic so not like they could have found much cheaper really.

Then thinking it’ll cost about £100 travel there. At least £100 on gift and drinks. So all in this one wedding will cost me at least £500 and two days annual leave.

The hen do is overseas but not decided if I can go yet as that would be another £300+

If its that far easier to stay the night before. I wouldn't stay any more than 2. Don't understand why people expect to spend that kind of money on a hen do. Why don't people have just one evening in the UK anymore is it all to do with social media and getting one up on each other.

As the OP has not said that the invitation came with the bride and groom offering fewer than 3 nights, it is a fair assumption that they expect guests to stay for the whole event.
That leaves guests to either have an awkward conversation or decide on all or nothing.
That's thoughtless and unreasonable in my book.

As others have said. They probably have a deal for 3 nights. I'd hazard a guess that anyone opting to travel back the day after the wedding would be expected to pay the 3rd night anyway

Some brides and grooms think their wedding is as important to them as everyone else - a three night stay is ridiculous.

I was about to say I bet they expect an abroad hen/stag too but you've already said that 😂

Just say - asap - you won't be there for the theirs night.

The deal probably means that the bride and groom stay for free.

For immediate family/best friend I would go abroad for a wedding/hen

For good friends/close family I would do a uk overnight or two nights.

Anyone else I'll attend if it's relatively local.

I'd decide which category she is and consider if you can drive and avoid accommodation costs or stay one night (£100 is pretty cheap)

This sounds great, but then my friends and I are scattered across the country so don't see each other much, and have been around long enough that we know siblings / other mates etc so a day together after the wedding sounds amazing.

However it's an invitation not a summons. Tell them politely what you are willing to do and stick to it

Generally I find other peoples weddings tend to cost me 100s (thousands when I lived overseas).

Just do what you can afford, including the gift and accommodation.

I would not stick around for a friend’s day but the fact they are doing their wedding their way does not make it “excessive”.

You just can’t afford it and that’s fine.

Also if you cannot afford an abroad hen do just don’t go. I found with the expense of weddings and related activities, I am strict as to whose I will attend and don’t care if others get offended.

@Sceptical123 on the other hand if people like each other and don't often get the chance to hang out it sounds brilliant. We've done similar for family weddings (and funerals) hired cottages to stay in so we get the chance to have a proper relaxed catch up and not just the main event if you see what I mean...

The 3rd night would be declined by me. I’d be travelling back the morning after the wedding.

A lot of our guests had traveled a long way for our wedding, I've moved away from where I was bought up. We did a meal the night before and lunch the day after with after a bit of a tour round where I live. Wasn't compulsory for anyone but it felt nice.

Politely respond with either a 'sorry cannot make it' or what you are prepared to do. Don't leave it to nearer the time.

Its too much. What is it with weddings/hen/stag dos these days. Ridiculous

I'm sure people weren't obligated to do the whole shindig, nor stuck with a particular hotel, were they?

I’d be looking for a nearby Travelodge or Premier Inn & staying for two nights only.

You’ve only mentioned £100 for gift and drinks but what about food either side of the wedding?

We had similar recently but the hotel was also the wedding venue (and quite remote) at £150 per night. We took half a day leave on the Friday, drove to a nice city about an hour from the wedding, stayed in a Premier Inn for £35, had a lovely few hours mooching and had a hearty breakfast the next day, then an hour drive to the venue. Stayed there one night, joined in with the Sunday fun, then excused ourselves at teatime and drove home.

Meant we only used half a days holiday and saved ourselves £265, and saw a bit of a city we’d never been to. Could something like that be an option?

I can understand why the price of 3 nights in a hotel and associated activities is in excess of many peoples budget

If people can afford it! Alot of people can't

What fresh hell is a 'friends day' after the wedding?

Is there other accomodations near you can do on your terms? I've been invited to a week long wedding in Spain in summer but have sourced my own accommodation with some friends and we are only going to the actual wedding as we don't have the annual leave for a week of activities 🤣

People really need to accept that noone else cares about their wedding as much as them. It is a nice albeit expensive trip away and vaguely boring at times.

That sounds genuinely lovely. But still not cheap and quite a different scenario to the OP's.

£100 will cover a gift and drinks for 3 days?? Where is this???

I mentioned this too. What about food the night before and the day after the wedding, plus a possible breakfast the 4th morning. It will very quickly add up.

Agreed