To think three nights accommodation for a wedding is a bit excessive?

[toreh]

Invited to an old friend’s wedding. It’s in the UK but quite far from where I live, 1hr flight or 4-5 hours train. Friend has organised accommodation for people coming from a distance.

It’s three nights accommodation. Night before wedding. Night of wedding. Then the day after the wedding is a “friends day” of games etc, so that night too. The room is £100 a night and pretty basic so not like they could have found much cheaper really.

Then thinking it’ll cost about £100 travel there. At least £100 on gift and drinks. So all in this one wedding will cost me at least £500 and two days annual leave.

The hen do is overseas but not decided if I can go yet as that would be another £300+

I agree with @OnlyWhenILaugh

It sounds extremely presumptuous to me that the bride and groom think it's normal behaviour for their wedding to take up so much time and money and effort from their guests.
A wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom exchanging vows to commit themselves to their future together. I don't understand why it's all become such an expensive, indulgent, long drawn out palaver.
As far as I can see the only part of the wedding that is important to attend is the actual ceremony and I think OP you should not be bulldozed into spending more time and money on this event than you are comfortable with.

So everyone is excited and gets pissed on night 1. The wedding is a struggle but you power through. Day 3 everyone is exhausted and just wants to go home but can't.

I would turn up on the morning of the wedding, bright eyed and bushy tailed, stay the wedding night only, late checkout if possible.

I was at a wedding recently and they also did a family day thing. We gave apologies and went home as did the brother of the groom. So some stated some didn't. I think they did it as people were travelling from different places so wanted to give people the opportunity to spend time with family they don't usually see.
But it wasn't our thing so we sent apologies and went home

4-5 hours away is not that far.

For the day before is there an option to book something in the nearest city/town (not sure where the wedding is so guessing bit awkward to get back from on night?)

Or within an hour for travelling time if it's the kind of place hotels are always pricey? That way you won't need a full day's leave. Depending on your workplace maybe just finish an hour early, get a train at 4ish there for 8.30 which is fine if you just have a hotel room to yourself to sleep in..

I'd be looking for a Premier Inn the night before and just doing the wedding night at the venue. Then get a train back afternoon the day after wedding.

Do you know this person's other friends? If it was a big uni reunion and I knew lots of people then I might consider it worth the extra to spend time with everyone.

If I really only knew the bride I'd be looking at the cheapest way to do it.

MN is full of threads about friendships/lack of. If you can afford it and want to go - do it! Spend three days with your friends - enjoy it - life is short.

Yeah, some ppl are so far up their own arses they believe they’re not just entitled to 1 day (wedding) but several, and that bc it’s so important to them - their friends and family will feel exactly the same way and be more than happy to celebrate them for as long as they want - it’s so entitled, bizarre and self-absorbed. They get caught up in the commercial wedding hype and money starts to lose its meaning when you’re paying £1-200 a head for a pink-themed brunch so £100 a night seems reasonable - hey let’s make it 3 - it’s going to be filled with the best type of entertainment after all - US!!!! 🤮

A couple I know carried this on to the nth degree by expecting their guests to celebrate their first wedding anniversary as it was obviously such a cataclysmic event - assume they’d have made it yearly if they’d got good feedback, which they didn’t.

Remember: it’s an invite not a summons.

If attending the wedding will be financially problematic for you, don’t go! Thank the bride and groom for their invite, wish them well for the day, say you look forward to celebrating their marriage with them another time, etc.

This is pretty normal here. I'd travel early the day of the wedding and then maybe I'd skip the friends' day.

If you're expected to pay for the accommodation (or even if they are paying), you are able to say how long you will go for. I had a destination wedding (uk), i had people come for 2/3 and some stayed 7 nights and made it into a holiday.

Your schedule is yours to enforce for whatever reason. You have other responsibilities.. its an invite not a court summons.

Maybe some venues do a 3 night package and it’s that or nothing. Seems a good way for hotels to make additional guaranteed money from guests who feel too guilty to say no.

Im not sure they will get many turn up for games the day after the wedding. People will be hungover, knackered, starting to want to make a move to travel home. A nice brunch yes, but a full day of games and yet another night in a hotel?? People will on invite make the right noises, and when it comes to it they’ll get 8 reluctant people and one keen bean.

absolute insanity. WTF is with peoples egos these days?
1 night, the night of the wedding, then home. Friends day FFS.

MN is also full of threads detailing one sided relationships, emotional distress because of lack of understanding from others and feelings of being taken for granted.

Firsty, true friends will still be there even if OP chooses not spend large sums of money or extended periods of time focused on one friend's wedding extravaganza.

Secondly, if the OP really wanted to do these things and money was no option she wouldn't be here asking. It's clear the time and money are a factor. OP is trying to gauge how to navigate the situation.

I think it's telling that the bride and groom haven't taken the time to consider their guests and made it clear that they don't want anyone to feel obliged to attend all elements.... Looks like an imbalance in the friendship to me.

It is just egos. Being at the centre of everyone's life, curating SM images. Nonsense.

I'm wondering if she gets a free room or some sort of discount for multiple bookings.

To me it sounds like a great way of catching up with people and really reasonable. They might find people don’t want to do all 3 but as long as that doesn’t effect the price for everyone….

I've been to quite a few weddings where there has been something on the day after the wedding. Sometimes brunch, sometimes just a walk in a nearby country park or something else. It hink tis great. My group of friends is geographically spread out and weddings are one of the few opportunities where many of us come together to catch up. Rather than an obligation I see it as the bride and groom acknowledging people have traveled a long way and giving them the opportunity to spend more time catching up, if they want. If you don't want to, then don't stay.

It's often combined with no/a very small hen do, so a nice way to catch up without having to attend 2 separate events.

To me it sounds like a great way of catching up with people and really reasonable. They might find people don’t want to do all 3 but as long as that doesn’t effect the price for everyone….

Great from the bride and groom's point of view @BigDahliaFan . Between them they know everyone. But less great for the guests. OP can't "catch up" with the groom's cousin or school mates unless they have a shared history. The logistics of this approach are ludicrous. People have limited and valuable annual leave. 2 weddings in a year like this and you'd run out. But then you wouldn't be able to afford a holiday because you'd spent a fortune on the nuptials of others.

See if you can book your own accomodation so it's cheaper or just go for the bits you want to

I'd stay the night before the wedding so I could have a chilled morning before the actual wedding.

I'd stay the night of the wedding so I could enjoy the full day and have a drink.

I'd be going home after breakfast the next day. By then I'd have had more than enough socialising and would be itching to get back home.

You just let your friend know if you want 2 nights accommodation at the venue hotel or if you're sorting out your own accommodation elsewhere.

You also say, I'm really looking forward to it but I'll need to leave the morning after the wedding, rather than staying the whole day.

As for the hen do. Do you want to go? Can you afford the cost and the time off work? Hen dos are not as important as the wedding day. Decide what works for you.

No catching up - I went to one of these and didn't manage to speak to the bride or groom and only knew a couple of other people.

@OnlyWhenILaugh she lives 5 hours away. Practically speaking she needs to stay-over night 1 and 2 anyway. So this thread is really only about night 3 - the OP hasn't suggested it's mandatory to stay for that night.
I don't see what the B&G have done wrong, but if OP feels put upon or any of the other things you suggested, then maybe she shouldn't go at all.

The bride and groom have unrealistic expectations, so in not considering guests they have done something wrong.

I'd stay in the hotel the night OF the wedding, but head home next day. If I had to travel up the day before, I'd find a cheap hotel or b&b for that night in the closest town. I have a limited budget so that's the best I could do.

Is it possible that this accomodation option is only available for 3-night minimum booking?

We had to hunt around for a family wedding in a semi-popular tourist spot in the UK for 2 nights accomodation. There were hotels that were available one night, or B&Bs/ holidays cottages but most were 3-night minimum stay. Might be worth seeing what is available local to the venue (and costs) if you can only stay one night costs/ time wise then it makes sense to sort out your own digs.