Dh wants to sit in silence sometimes

[enoughxmasfood]

Dh works very hard in a very stressful job and sometimes when he gets home he says he just wants to sit and be.
We can go whole evenings barely uttering a word and he says he feels so comfortable with my company that we don't need constant chit chat but he likes to sit with me and enjoys me being there.
We also have young children and he does make an effort to interact with us as a family while they are up but then once they're in bed he says he's exhausted and just sits in silence, watching tv or playing video games, (unwinding) although apparently happy.

I don't know what to think of this, is this what married life ends up as?

I'm at home all day with baby and 2 primary school children and he calls me throughout the day for a chat when he's at work and we talk more on the phone than in person.
I look forward to him coming home because I'm on my own all day and end up on here most evenings for the company.

He had 2 weeks off over Christmas and we spent the evenings together drinking, listening to music and enjoying being together and now he's back at work and I miss that togetherness that I'm not feeling anymore even though he's sitting beside me in silence.

Nope both work and now older kids and I love evening of silence.

I do remember being home with kids and looking forward to talking to dh.

I am like this and use spoon theory to explain why. I won’t go into detail here, but Google it. Basically my job often takes everything I have in me, and I’ve got nothing left for socialising at home.

Totally agree with you about spoon theory.

I felt like that throughout November/ December- only beginning to feel like I've got any spoons returning as I'm just about to go back to work...

There is nothing more utterly annoying than mind-numbing chit chat that serves no purpose only than breaking the silence. Good for your husband for being able to enjoy quietness.
You are a lucky woman.

How on earth have you diagnosed ND? 🤯

Many, many people need this kind of decompression at the end of a busy working day...most (probably ALL) introverts do, in fact. I'm one of them (and if you read the posts on this thread you'll see the same!)

Introverted people are not neurodivergent, they simply run out of capacity and energy to be sociable, and need to recharge.

Love how some people are so damn quick to call 'ND' at the slightest difference to their perceived norm! 🤦‍♀️

I can totally see both points of view. I have a really busy life, full time job, single parent to two teens and very committed to exercise. I have just had 10 days off over Christmas which have been very busy including my boyfriend staying over and two days back at work. This weekend I’m taking time out to decompress and some of that includes a bit of silence. I try to make some time for silence during the week too.

However, I can also understand that being at home with a baby and having other children that you have plenty to say and most probably want adult conversation by the time he gets through the door. Does he understand this? Can you make time for date night at home once a week?

My job is really full on. I don’t stop, the day goes quickly which I love but it is also mentally draining. I’m exhausted when I get home. Sometimes I need to sit quietly for a while, I do have ADHD though so I think the mentally draining part of my job may be more intense due to that reason.

I need quiet time after a day at work. It sounds like you are dependent on your DH for all adult interaction and if that wasn't the case you may be more comfortable with quiet time in the evenings too. Is getting a job and option? If not maybe look at going to baby groups or meeting with family and friends more. Sounds like there isn't an issue in the relationship if you've had a lovely time over Christmas, he just genuinely needs quiet time to recharge after work like many of us do.