To beg for tips with getting my autistic son to sleep?!

[CoughyGoLightly]

Hoping for some tips and ideas of what to try next as my DS (6) is getting worse with not being able to wind down to sleep. He's never been a great sleeper (since birth 😴) but it's been manageable until recently.

In the last few months he's been getting really wired before bedtime and struggling to focus, stay in bed, and wind his brain down. He articulates himself his brain doesn't let him sleep. The tiredness is causing issues at school but the relentless bedtime routine is removing any down time we have as parents (his 3 y/o little brother still wakes in the night so we're on our knees tbh)

Has anyone tried anything with their autistic children they can recommend please? I've seen online things like massage recommended, alongside special sleep aids and other stuff. I don't mind investing the time or money in something so long as it has a chance of working and not being a marketing gimmick

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

I used these , I get them from Amazon

Buy some melatonin online or get the patches if you can't get him to take tablets or gummies. Have a rigid bedtime routine, I found that even if ds routine was out by even a few minutes there was hell to pay & a sleepless night, then it took a few days to get everything back to normal. At 6 ds routine was home from school, snack, reading & homework, tea, play for an hour, bath, story & a chat then lights out by 7.30pm. I always tried to keep to the same routine if it was weekend & holidays until he got older.

Magnesium as well, put Epsom Salts & Lavender essential oil in his bath.

We had to use melatoninfor one of mine. Mine also have adhd so we found evening exercise helped. Good hour of biking, football, swimming, scooting - anything. Then quick warm shower and bed (and an hour of me reading)

Mine had been hidden as well because I mentioned the M word. I had to stick to a rigid routine at that age with ds or he just didn't sleep, ours was
Snack on way home from school
Reading & homework
Tea
An hours play
Bath
Story & chat in bed with milky drink like horlicks or Ovaltine
7.30pm lights out

Weighted blankets or cuddly toys
Deep pressure massage (we literally just firmly grip her limbs and move up and down them)
Heavy work to calm down (she likes moving big things around like big cushions)
Magnesium is good for helping adults sleep but I'm not sure on the recommendation for children
Ours likes throwing soft items like toys into a basket to calm down - I've also seen an example of putting up some tape and having them throw those ball pit type balls at it to stick
Ours has also just got into the bedtime stories on the Koala Moon podcast but it can be hit and miss

We are a multiple autistic household and different things work for each of us:
Irregular pattern 'white noise'
Regular pattern white noise (one finds regular stimulating and irregular relaxing and vice versa!)
Lavender pillow sprays for one, 2 of us like the 'natural" smell of our unwashed cuddly toy
A very monotone unexciting topic audiobook using a relaxing narrator (find a topic they have no interest in but find the voice soothing of)
An episode of a familiar TV show playing the audio only over and over again
Antihistamines (cetirizine)
Can an adult go up to bed and co sleep? I couldn't settle as a child without this (I still needed this until maybe 13)
Heated throw
Either a very warm room or a very cold room with nice wa blankets (this is tricky as we have opposites in this house for this!)
Being too busy during the day js an issue for all of us and makes it difficult to fall asleep. We have to be super careful and pace ourselves

Having worked in a special school, many children who are ASD take melatonin supplements before bedtime. I get them from India (brother is cabin crew) and my friend gets theirs from Texas as they have family there. It's a hormone naturally produced in the brain. I assume you're stopping screens (blue light) an hour before bed.

Weighted blanket.
Cool bedroom.

Cosleeping helps my little one too

Another vote for Melatonin.
My DS had it prescribed when he was under 18 but my local health authority decided that every autistic person over 18 couldn't possibly need help sleeping so refused to prescribe post 18.

Amazon US was my friend. perfectly legal, never had any problems.

Oh and a weighted blanket.

CAMHS gave us some recommendations that we grabbed with both hands because we were having big issues at the same age. They recommended sensory stuff such as a tent, relaxing blankets and one of those night lights which throws lovely starry patterns around the room as well as some super chilled music.
It all helped. Asperger's children often have issues with transitions and the shift from daytime to night time is a big one, hence the associated anxiety which the above adaptations help to address.

What worked for me was just going with it! It was easy for me as a single parent to go to bed at the same time - not too early as he didn't sleep much at all. I couldn't battle any longer - nothing worked, his imagination ran wild with anything calming and he would introduce dinosaurs or aliens!
We would go up about 8:30 (from about 6 years old). Bath, books, drink. Then I would leave him and he would potter. I would be across the landing in bed reading or watching TV. He stayed calm, played Lego, read to himself, played with his character toys and made great adventure stories. When he got tired he would come and crawl in with me and fall fast asleep until 7 the next morning. Usually asleep by 11. As he got older he got in his own bed. He's 21 now and still a nightmare sleeper - he is actually downstairs now building Lego!

Girl... my dd is out of routine (i knew it would happen, I was so exhausted by the end of the term as well so just let it happen)

She's still awake now and despite being up at 8.30 and going out today is happy to lay awake singing to herself 😄 x

There is also a sleep app called Hunrosa. We tried it for a little while and discovered that we were trying to put DD to bed too early - and that was why she fell asleep but woke again even with melatonin.

Once we discovered that her natural need was 8 hours, that took the pressure off and we accepted that she doesn’t fall asleep until 10.30ish. She was 10 at the time and that sounds late for a 10 year old, but it works and really reduces that anxiety about going to sleep. It means that we also don’t give melatonin until around 9.30pm - we were giving it to her too early before. DD does go into her bed about 8.30/9pm and she watches Netflix or plays colouring games on her tablet, and always has snacks and water with ice in too.

We had tried all the “no screens”, recommended routines for years and it didn’t work. By going with her own preferred routine, she started to settle and now sleeps right through in her own bed.

She is now 12. When we were at the ADHD clinic recently, the nurse started talking us through all that stuff, and commented that her bedtime was too late. DD and I just smiled and nodded and said “this is what works for us”. Because it is what works! Regardless of any ‘advice’. My DD is really good at knowing what works for her generally though, it just took me a while to start listening. What does your DS think would help him get to sleep?

Can I hijack sorry?! This will sound silly, but I don't know if son is having difficulties with sleep as I've been so used to it that it's 'normal' to me. Is the below problematic? Here we go:

Same routine every night after tea of play, warm bath, pyjamas, relaxing tv programme whilst eating bowl of porridge, then clean teeth and into his bed where we have a chat for a couple of minutes then jts yoto story and either brown noise or ocean waves.
I sit on the floor for approx 60-90 mins until hes alseep. Once asleep, I go into my bed. He then wakes anytime between 11pm and 1am where he then comes into my bed. This works well as i can take his nappie off and he has a wee on the toilet and put fresh nappy back on (under bladder and Bowel incontinence team). Once in with me, he does still wake often but drifts back off. Keep the ocean waves on all night. If they go off he's awake immediately.

He comes into my bed as he won't stay in his own room and to be honest i was tired with having to sit on his floor for another hour waiting for him to go back to sleep.

We go to a youth club twice a week where he burns off alot of energy but this makes no difference with sleep. The other nights we play outside with friends and again no difference.

He's 7, diagnosed asd and on wait list for adhd diagnosis.

What do you all think?

Sounds v similar to my ASD son at that age

My son was similar. At that age I managed to get him to sleep alone though.

Instead of letting him come into my bed I went into his from about 4/5. Eventually he started sleeping through. However he didn’t have toileting issues so was dry at night by that time.

The waiting list for getting diagnosed is so very long and it's frustrating that the GP isn't being supportive.I have a young adult daughter who is autistic and has always struggled with sleeping, so I understand what you are going through. Once she gets into bed and starts to try to sleep, her brain starts thinking about everything and any worries come to the surface. If she's over tired then she'll end up thinking everything is a catastrophe and be very emotional. When she does get to sleep, she's easily woken and it all starts again. There are nights where she's "forgotten to go to sleep", and spent the whole night sitting upright looking at the wall.

Things we found that help:

A weighted blanket was a massive game changer for helping to stay asleep and she finds the close hugging of it comforting and there's no draughts of cold air. You need to match the weight of the blanket to the child's weight. From memory I think its supposed to be around 10 percent of their weight.

Aromatherapy, lavender oil is calming and having a predictable routine culminating in using some essential oils either as a massage or just in the air can help to remind the brain it's rest time.

A quiet fiddle toy with sensory bits that they can use for calming down and relieving stress, like a tangle toy. Obviously you need to make sure it's safe to be in bed, so they don't swallow it or strangle etc.

You can get devices like the Beurer stress releazer, which you place on the chest and they have a vibrating motor in. It feels a bit like having a cat purr on your chest. It's got a light on it and it guides you to breath with it, while playing relaxing music through earbuds or on a phone. This might not be suitable for your son at the moment but maybe when older.

Listening to music, audio books or allowing them an hour of "free time" as long as they stay quietly in their bedroom.

Going to have a conversation about the things worrying them after they have been in bed for a bit, especially when they are getting more and more wound up or emotional.

A very dark room or using a good quality blindfold so there's nothing to visually stimulate them.

For sleeping through the night when older

There reached an age where having dd just climb into our bed and fall back asleep didn’t work. She would kick and hit us in her sleep and we were miserable.

so we set up a sleeping mat in our room. It took a bit to get her used to it. We put it out every night and she would just walk from her room and tuck herself in and go back to sleep. Being closer to us in the early morning or middle of the night was enough.

as she got older she stopped showing up as often. Eventually we stopped actually putting it up and it stayed folded in the corner . She would set it out if she came in.

then we realized it had been 2 years since it left the corner so we finally got rid of it.

Me again sorry!
It's currently two hours I've been sat on ds floor and he's still not asleep.
Sitting here I've been thinking and have contacted the GP for help. I've also ordered some magnesium lotion to try as well.
This has been going on for years and I honestly thought this was 'normal ', that every parent did this.....but clearly it's not!