My 18 year old told me last night about something that happened at the swimming pool when she was in Year 7/8

[JMSA]

I don't know how we got onto this last night, but 18 year old daughter and I were having a chat, and she opened up about it.
When she was in first year of secondary school, she was at the swimming pool with two of her friends (I wasn't there). A man was in the swimming pool with his little daughter. My daughter estimated her to be 2 years old.
The wee girl was captivated by my daughter and her friends, and they were being nice with her, chatting and playing. My daughter said that the dad was acting a bit creepy towards them, so they moved away. Shortly after, he got out of the pool with his daughter, and was clearly erect.
I don't know what I expect any of you to say. I don't even know why I'm posting. I just feel disappointed and angry that this happened to my daughter - and her friends - and that this happening to a grown man was her first experience of what it means to be sexually aroused.
I also wonder about his daughter and hope that she is ok
No man in his right mind would think that it was acceptable to leave the pool like this.

Sadly, I think it’s very common for our first experiences of predatory behaviour from men to be around that age. I remember being beeped and leered at by men passing me in a car when I was 11 or 12 and in my school uniform.

Yes, unfortunately you are right. I'm 50 now and it was common in my day. You just keep hoping that it's going to get better!
Thanks for your reply.

I think you just tell her - some men are utterly gross, most aren’t, but you clearly could see he was creepy and did all the right things, keep listening to that inner voice and trust it going forward. Don’t exactly play it down, accept it was a horrid thing to happen but don’t let it cloud her opinions towards men in general. Focus on: it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anything she did or didn’t do, some men are just gross perverts.

Agreed with the above, it’s crap, but certainly happened to me at 12

So I wouldn’t be saying that most men can’t be trusted - but you’ll get different advice depending on people’s experiences. I haven’t ever had to deal with a sexual assault and the men I know have all been just nice normal people or actually really lovely. But that’s only my experience.
I think teaching her to listen to her inner voice and not worry about being polite to a man is excellent advice.

I think you will find the majority of women have had an experience similar and of similar ages. It's not right. But I like the PPs advice about trusting uour inner voice.

The vast majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known to the victim though, so the ‘all men are dangerous’ message isn’t particularly helpful.

I was that age the first time a grown man told me he liked my ‘tits’ … they’re pigs some of them. It wasn’t the last time. Before the age of 16 I was catcalled, groped, had endless ‘comments’ made about my looks and body ( I was a ‘pretty’ child according to some) and was flashed once.
I wore baggy clothes, cut my hair short and did everything I could to avoid male attention.

Wow, good for you. I hate to say I think you’re in the minority. I haven’t a dibble female friend who hasn’t had experience of unwanted male attention.

Oh gosh. That’s horrible for your dd and her friends. And sadly all to common. I would also feel the same about his dd.

I remember being at a rugby match with my dad when I was 12 - coming back from the loo on my own and a group of young men catcalled me. It was summer and I was wearing a dress. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell them how old I was - I’m hope they’d have been mortified.

So gross and I totally understand your feeling of disappointment and anger. I recall my creepy neighbour flashing me from an upstairs window when I was possible 9 or 10. I had no concept of why he would be doing it but knew it was wrong and just went indoors and avoided him after that. Didn't tell anyone because had a vague notion that it would cause upset and trouble. This makes me think I need to have a chat with my dd about letting me know when creepy weirdos do things like this.

And your daughter as well as every poster here is adamant it wasn't a reflex erection because....

Gosh, that's horrible OP.

My friends and I were flashed at by a man in a car when we were about 12 when we were on our school bus. I didn't mention it to my mum until recently (early forties) and she was horrified. I'd been too embarrassed to mention it at the time.

Very good that your daughter can open up to you about this, even a few years on! I distinctly remember my friend and I being flashed by a man on a bridle path who yelled to get our attention then masturbated in front us. We ran away screaming and laughing then got home and told my mum (through desperate laughter) who obviously called the police and my friends mum, and they sat with us we were we filed a report. Only afterwards when my mum explained how incredibly predatory and scary his behaviour was did it sink in - we were young girls in our school uniform! After that we always had really open and honest conversations about anything I felt strange or uncomfortable about (and there was a lot, i was a well developed teenager growing up in a fairly undesirable area of the county). I really value now that we were (and still are) always able to talk about that kind of stuff! She also sent us to self defence classes straight after the incident which at the time I thought was insane but now.. I get it!

Oh I’ve had loads of unwanted attention but nothing that I couldn’t quite swiftly deal with. I more mean that there were never any repercussions of not reciprocating that unwanted affection.

Because he was ‘acting a bit creepy’ towards young girls in a public pool. But you’re totally right, let’s give this random man the benefit of the doubt and teach OP’s DD that if you’re a female you’re automatically disbelieved. And whilst she’s at it she may as well silence that little voice telling her something is wrong because she’s just a silly girl and the poor man probably had a ‘reflex erection’ and all men are nice with good intent towards women and girls.

I got flashed at in the park when aged 10 or 11.

I was walking back from school alone on the way home from school.

At least these days children are more chaperoned. In the 1970s 1980s I don't think they were much.

I'm a guy and would be mortified to have a 'reflex' erection in a public swimming pool surrounded by my daughter and a bunch of young girls. In the very rare chance it was totally spontanious with no stimuli, I'd at least have the sense to stay in the water until it subsided.

When I was about 10, I was at a friend's house (she was the same age). Her dad came into the room and commented, with a laugh, that her 'lovely little titties' were developing.

Really unsettling. I didn't tell anyone at the time, and I normally shared everything with my mum. I really wish I had told someone.

Just as well men can’t get into the woman's changing rooms, isn’t it?

Oh wait…..

Oh, get real. No normal man would get up until it had gone down!

Oh my God 😞

Thanks for your replies everyone.