My 18 year old told me last night about something that happened at the swimming pool when she was in Year 7/8

[JMSA]

I don't know how we got onto this last night, but 18 year old daughter and I were having a chat, and she opened up about it.
When she was in first year of secondary school, she was at the swimming pool with two of her friends (I wasn't there). A man was in the swimming pool with his little daughter. My daughter estimated her to be 2 years old.
The wee girl was captivated by my daughter and her friends, and they were being nice with her, chatting and playing. My daughter said that the dad was acting a bit creepy towards them, so they moved away. Shortly after, he got out of the pool with his daughter, and was clearly erect.
I don't know what I expect any of you to say. I don't even know why I'm posting. I just feel disappointed and angry that this happened to my daughter - and her friends - and that this happening to a grown man was her first experience of what it means to be sexually aroused.
I also wonder about his daughter and hope that she is ok
No man in his right mind would think that it was acceptable to leave the pool like this.

A friend and I experienced a creepy man trying to grope at us. We were on a mostly school bus, in school uniform, aged 11/12.
Not all men, but always men, and just about all women have a story of some adult male perving at them at that age, sometimes sadly worse. I hate what they take from us.

Well said. Even horny teenage boys have the sense to try and disguise unexpected erections. I can recall walking with a stoop and hands in pockets a lot as teenage lad. 😆

Agreed.
Most women I know were sexually abused as children ( middle class “nice” families) it was appallingly common.

Ewww. Isn’t it sad that probably most of us can tell a similar tale?

I dont know why some men do this and think its ok. When I was in year 7/8 my PE teacher wore shorts with no underwear and sat in such a way that there was no doubt he wasnt wearing any. Few years after I finished my degree found he left the profession after making inappropriate comments to students and a sexual affair (not with a student) on school grounds

@ARealitycheck

Thanks and aww, bless you!

I’d really be trying to have another chat just to make sure she doesn’t need to tell you more? She may have opened up with half a story as sadly that often happens . She may be testing if it’s ‘safe’ to open up fully. I would gently ask is she ok and that you were pleased she felt able to talk to you and is there anything else she needs to talk about. Sadly some men are disgusting and what happened was bad enough but you may need to check there wasn’t more to it

Do you think Mumsnet could add a shoe horn emoji?

I think nearly every girl has encountered a creep like this at some point in their lives 😔 it's completely unacceptable. I hope young women feel more empowered to report this kind of thing in 2025 than we did in the 1980s. I think it was just brushed under the carpet for the most part then.

Aye you're right, it was a reflex erection. A reflex because he was turned on by being around pre/pubescent girls in their swimming costumes.

Any decent bloke who had a reflex erection would have stayed in the water until it went. Not proudly paraded his erect cock for said young girls to see.

The OP's DD had a feeling he was creepy. Those instincts should never be diminished. Those instincts are what keep us safer. Not safe, because women and girls are never safe from creepy predatory men. But our instincts keep up that little bit safer.

I remember getting beeped at by 3 cars on the way to a Yr 6 school disco.
My dad nearly battered some bloke who commented 'yum, she's got the pose' when I was having a street caricature done in Portugal aged 13!

@JMSA how are you feeling now pal?

Im sorry this happened to your lass but thankful she wasn’t alone with him!

100% this.
Often when divulging earlier abuse, the victim gently tests the waters.

Because sadly it can be “dismissed “ by parents - (Seen it happen many times.)

Maybe as it’s too shocking for the parent to acknowledge.

It’s awful that it’s fairly common that unwanted, scary or confusing acts from older or predatory men are teenagers’ first experiences of being desired.

How did your DD seem when she told you - sad, serious, laughing about it? It seems like it stuck in her mind and I would wonder if there’s a reason she was thinking about it or there’s more she wants to tell you. But this is just going on my own experiences, and hopefully it was just a one-off thing that she had forgotten about until she told you

That’s absolutely revolting and inappropriate for a teacher to da that.
What a wretched man.
He knew damn well what he was doing, as well.

I hate to say this but you’re lucky it wasn’t something worse but I understand you’re upset. I had a much worse encounter with a friend’s dad when I was 7 and been flashed by a completely naked man by the time I was 15. I don’t think I’m unusual. As a female you’re never more than a few steps away from some weirdo that would love to show you his penis whether you’re 7 or 17.

Absolutely this.
For it to be still on her mind after all these years is a bit telling.

It could’ve that she’s plucking up courage to tell about something that’s much worse.

A young man I worked with ( colleague) eventually divulged terrible abuse he’d suffered at a children’s home.

Tragically he died ( substance abuse).
I was too young then to be able to advise him properly.
The rage and disgust he felt was just too much for him to bear.

Aww, I'm ok thanks x

I mean, it's small fry compared to what others have been through. But disgusting nevertheless.

Thank you to those of you who wisely suggested exploring it further with my daughter. I have just done that and nothing else happened. She said that she has wondered about his daughter over the years and still vividly remembers what she looks like. She remembers that he was a creep but it's definitely his daughter that has stayed in her mind.

Our French teacher back in the late 80's was caught making pornographic photos with another teacher after hours, he was also fraternising with ex pupils. Photographic evidence was found. It made the front page of the NOTW! He used to rub a stick between his legs in class and ask us to speak in French to describe our bedrooms.
Jeez, now I write that down....

Funny when things happen you don't realise it was intentional till years later but it sticks in your mind because deep down you know it was wrong. An old guy at a summer fete in the 60s lifting us little girls onto a donkey, and you can guess where his hands were when he lifted us up, good thing is parents wouldn't allow that touching now - hopefully

I'm glad your daughter has been able to tell you even though its a few years later. As others have said I would revisit this and see if there is more to tell, just incase there is . ( I hope there is not)

I could tell many 'stories' of different things happening while I was a child of varying ages. There was actually a 'local flasher' that police could never seem to catch and when they did another popped up!

One main incident that sticks in my head is being 15 in school in a technology lesson. I needed help and the male teacher come right behind me leaning on me and it was creepy. I told him to get off me a called him a peado, all the girls had seen him looking at girls in their skirts and had a 'wrong un' vibe about him. There was a phone call home and I got absolutely rail roaded for what I said and made to apologise.
I left school some months later and my dad brings me the newspaper telling me a teacher from my school had been sacked and jailed for being a peado.

It was the same teacher I had called a peado!! so I pointed this out to my dad and told him I knew I was right 😬.

In terms of swimming I swam competitively for a club. photos and video taking ect had to be banned because male spectators were creeping into the girls changing rooms and videoing the girls getting changed ect. These were often relatives of someone in the club. It makes me sick to my stomach that there are so many women/ young girls that can recall such awful events happening to them or others around them.

I agree. I went to a girls school and we were always being told to stay away from the school field at break times as there would be a man prowling about.

What makes so many men so sexually weird and creepy?

My maternal uncle used to corner me in my maternal grandmother's garden shed. I used to do some weeding for her most weekends. Routinely, he would grab me and try to feel various parts of my body. On one occasion, I bit him really hard and he screamed out. My grandmother came running out. He told her what I'd done and she slapped me. I made sure that I never went there again when he was likely to be around.
Many months later, I did tell my mother. She said that she would do something about it. I don't know what she said, but they moved hundreds of miles away and I never saw them again.

I would be really wary of sharing stories about your own inappropriate experiences as young girls with older men on here, this is exactly the kind of thread perverts love to find. It’s possible to sympathise with the OP without sharing personal stories

Yep thats some men for you.

Id been flashed twice in the park by age 12. Luckily my mum had warned me about such men so it wasn’t a shock. I just laughed and shouted “its too tiny to see” which took the wind right out of his pervy sails.