Can’t compliment me

[Hellohihola]

Hi all

I have been seeing someone since September last year. He has a lot of anxiety about me leaving him due to his past history, I am very reassuring on my feelings towards him and he doesn’t need to worry about this.

He cannot compliment me, he will only provide “banter insults” and he says this is because I have a big ego, and he doesn’t want my head getting any bigger.

i do not have a big ego.. in any sense! It would be nice to be told he thinks I’m beautiful or that I’m an amazing person and it’s starting to break my confidence.

i have spoken to him about it but he doesn’t provide me with any reassurance.

what would you do? TIA

He isn’t absolutely gorgeous, he is absolutely horrible.

'He cannot compliment me, he will only provide “banter insults” and he says this is because I have a big ego, and he doesn’t want my head getting any bigger.'

Translation - I'm a sad prat who is dating someone out of my league so I am going to make her feel like shit so that she won't leave me.

You can do so much better than this fool.

He cannot compliment me, he will only provide “banter insults” and he says this is because I have a big ego, and he doesn’t want my head getting any bigger.

This is just sad, OP - if you don't believe you deserve better than this, I suggest you get some counselling.

"Why do people think it's ok to date when they have problems that they know will cause problems for the other person?

I find it quite arrogant when both men and women do this."

@LadyTable I agree. And the expectation that a basic stranger will take on all your shit and 'fix' you is insane.

You sure he’s been mistreated in relationships? As quite clearly he’s an abusive controlling arsehole. So I’d assume he’s the one whose been mistreating and as per th4 abusers handbook lying and saying it was the woman.

Leave today and don't look back

I’d lay good money sadly on the op staying with him, ignoring the red flags and posting again and again as she becomes more and more abused by this arse hole and she becomes a shell of herself.

How does he react when you compliment him?

He’s pathetic, what age is he? I mean a child can provide someone with a compliment.
sorry but no amount of past trauma stops you being nice

He hates it, can’t take a compliment makes him very uncomfortable

He is 32 and I agree

@Shrinkingrose I don’t understand why so many women put up with this, why isn’t their self esteem higher? Op sounds like a sweet woman. If he is so unkind so early in the relationship what will he be like in another year. It’s so depressing. I really hope she dumps him.

Absolutely Not. It’s sad because I’m usually such a strong woman, and I need to find that version of myself thick and fast

Thank you - I actually am a really nice person! I think I’m far too nice for my own good, clearly

It’s how women end up in deeply abusive relationships. They see the red flags to start, and excuse it. Oh he had a bad childhood. He loves me really. They take the abuse. And it escalates. As it will in this situation. This is still the honey moon period. It’s a new relationship and he’s already ramping it up.

i can accept not being able to complement, but the flip to that is they shouldn't insult.

Then end it. I’m sorry but it is the only way. Once they start abusing. End it. No discussion. No excuse.

I would dump him, sorry op.

No, that would be called FWB or fuck buddies.

Which until he sorts out his issues, he should stick to instead of inflicting his past onto others.

But there are always women out there who feel 'they'll be the one' to change them 🙄

@Hellohihola yes you have been too nice to this man. I so hope you dump him, great start to 2025. It might seem a small thing not being complimented but as everyone is saying it’s deeply unpleasant the way he is treating you now (your big ego etc) and it will get worse and it will be harder to leave the longer you stay. I wouldn’t give him a big explanation, just keep it simple and firm.

How on earth did you develop a relationship with a man who never compliments you, only insults you. How did you find that sexy in any way?

Just a question - when was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

Ah, don't bother with this one.
Nothing much in it for yourself 😕

He has never bought me a bunch of flowers. Wow I am pathetic! I need my head read.

I wouldn’t have usually gone for someone who didn’t make the kind of efforts I want, but because we have known each other a long time it just felt natural. We laugh a lot together which is what my previous long term relationship lacked (11 years) and perhaps I have set the bar too low because.. he made me laugh..

contacts therapist

It’s only been recent with the insults, two weeks to be exact