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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is strange from my neighbour?

470 replies

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:43

This morning I woke up to a pack of Christmas cards that have been posted through my door. They are new Christmas cards, still sealed within their pack, unused. A note came with it saying “hi, it’s Janet from number 5. I bought these for you to send out to the neighbours next year”

Huh? Why would anyone do that? She’s isn’t my direct neighbour, she’s like 4 houses down. We don’t speak or have any kind of relationship. However, since we moved in a few years ago she has always sent us a Christmas card, and I assume she sends them to everyone on the street. We don’t bother with Christmas cards and never send them out. Could it be that she’s offended that we never send cards so this is her not so subtle way of hinting that she will be expecting a card from us in 2025?? Why would anyone care so much?

Im planning on just throwing the cards away and ignoring it. Would anyone else find this weird?

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 02/01/2025 12:07

I have a neighbour who I know well. We went to school together. She is autistic and, I’m not relating them together, has some proper boundary issues.
She called at my home on my birthday with a card. I was ill but also expecting flowers and opened the door.
She just asked was she coming in and put her foot in the door.
I had to explain I was poorly and not today.
She messages me two days before Christmas asking why she hadn’t been invited round.
Most people have no patience with her. However, she had a very challenging childhood and had made a lot of progress. She is still very difficult at times, but I can sense she is lonely and just wants to connect with people.

CountFucula · 02/01/2025 12:07

Christmas cards are a tyranny and one that women invite upon themselves. It’s nice to receive one from old friends but getting one from people because you happen to live near them is meh… to then be judged or castigated for not reciprocating, well that’s just a fucking joke and makes the senders look like uptight, grabby, transactional twats. Maybe put that in the card: Merry Christmas, Janet, you uptight grabby transactional twat. (That’s just a joke btw ;) )

SallyWD · 02/01/2025 12:08

Just send a note saying "Thanks so much for the cards. I don't send cards to neighbours but I'll use these for friends and family".

CautiousLurker01 · 02/01/2025 12:09

I, personally, would return them with a note:

Dear Janet, thank you for thinking of me but I do not send Christmas Cards on principle - I feel it is ecologically unfriendly, may be culturally insensitive as not everyone celebrates Christmas, and I prefer not to engage in tokenistic and meaningless overtures of friendship with people I don’t know, simply because we share a postcode. Please feel free to use these as you wish.

Happy New Year.

friendconcern · 02/01/2025 12:09

Dfg15 · 02/01/2025 10:45

I'd be very tempted to put them back through her letterbox with a note saying that you don't send cards to anyone, so will not need them to send to neighbours.

I’d do this.

I would also say that it’s for environmental reasons and I make a charity donation instead.

NovemberMorn · 02/01/2025 12:09

It's funny really. I bet she has written neighbours cards out for years, and seethed when they have not sent her one back, she couldn't stand it any more, so now she has acted.😡

Personally I would knock on, smile politely, and tell you don't send Christmas cards to anyone anymore, offer her the cards back, and invite her round for a cup of tea.....behind her odd behaviour, she may be really nice.

VanillaVein · 02/01/2025 12:09

DuringDinnerMints · 02/01/2025 11:15

I would use them all to write her cards for the next ten years and post them all through her letterbox. "Happy Christmas 2027!" Etc. Job done.

Was going to suggest this 😆

WoolySnail · 02/01/2025 12:13

WaitingforStrike · 02/01/2025 10:46

I like her style! Has it never occurred to you to send her one back, in the years she's been giving them to you? Good manners surely.

That's how they get you .... 🤣

protectthesmallones · 02/01/2025 12:14

lol. Made me smile. That's so passive aggressive it's untrue.

Pop them back through her door with a note...

'Thank you for the Christmas cards to distribute next year, it was a kind thought. However, I don't do Christmas cards at all so I thought you'd prefer to have them back to send out yourself. Wishing you a good new year, regards, X'

JustMyView13 · 02/01/2025 12:14

I’d post them back.
Thanks so much, but in order to reduce our carbon footprint we don’t send Christmas cards and do not plan to going forward. Hope you had a lovely Christmas & New Year.
Done.

VanillaVein · 02/01/2025 12:14

Sounds like our old batshit neighbour. She used to moan to others about us not sending cards 🙄
Not in Northamptonshire by any chance are you?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/01/2025 12:15

Tink3rbell30 · 02/01/2025 10:52

Its polite to send a card back, no excuse not to.

The 'excuse' is that they're bad for environment and it's pointless sending cards to folk you have no relationship with/or want to have relationship with !

coldscottishmum · 02/01/2025 12:16

That’s embarrassing on your neighbours behalf. How passive aggressive! My lovely neighbour on our left side always hands gifts in for the kids - we always send one back for her and her oldest daughter (oh and their dog). I don’t do cards either, some of my neighbours in the past have done but have never got upset at not receiving one back.

nomchonge1 · 02/01/2025 12:16

Onlyvisiting · 02/01/2025 10:49

That's hilarious, it's a very unsubtle hint that you should give cards to your neighbours.
I'd return them back through her door with a cheery note along the lines of
'Thank you so much for thinking of us, however we don't do Christmas cards at all as feel they are a waste of resources and bad for the environment, we prefer to spend time with the people we are close to in person so no need for cards'
Or something like that

i agree with this!

Comedycook · 02/01/2025 12:16

I'd send them back with a note

"Hi Janet, thanks for thought but I'm returning these as I don't send Christmas cards. Do feel free to remove me from your own Christmas card list if you want. Happy new year"

FreeRider · 02/01/2025 12:18

I'd write at the bottom of the note 'I'm Jewish' and post them back through her door.

One of my neighbours - I'm in a block of flats and they aren't even in the same building, but nearby - got my downstairs neighbour (they are always stood outside together gossiping) to post a note through my door telling me I was 'lazy' because I have frequent grocery deliveries. Anonymous note, of course. Problem was the silly cow didn't realise I'd overheard her telling downstairs neighbour the exact same thing a week earlier (neither realised I was in the bin cupboard sorting out my recycling). I took great pleasure in telling the silly cow the next time I saw her that I was recovering from spinal surgery, had been 90% housebound for months and was very upset that some coward couldn't mind their own business and called me lazy...

They are both nice as pie to me now. I just ignore them and am at best very icy civil with them.

Tia86 · 02/01/2025 12:18

Were they definitely intended for you? Sorry not read every post but wondering if she picked them up cheap for someone else and posted through your door by mistake. Is it definitely someone that lives on your road?

SnoopySantaPaws · 02/01/2025 12:19

Bessica1970 · 02/01/2025 10:53

I’d post them back through her door with a note:

Thank you for thinking of us. We, however, don’t send cards as we believe they’re bad for the environment - instead we make a donation to an environmental charity to make up for some of the damage done by card sending.

We don’t judge others for sending cards though, so I’m returning these do you can get some use from them.

this is the most adult response.

she's very rude, but no need to match her rudeness.

MiniPantherOwner · 02/01/2025 12:20

That's really passive aggressively petty of her. I would be tempted to return them with a note saying: Thank you so much neighbour for thinking of us. Unfortunately due to being devoted disciples of the dark lord it is against our beliefs to send Christmas cards. Best wishes for the New Year!

I mean it would probably be a bad idea, but I'd be tempted.

tuvamoodyson · 02/01/2025 12:21

ThereIsIron · 02/01/2025 10:57

If you don't know each other how does she address you on your card?

‘No 26?’ perhaps?

mrpinkwhistlescat · 02/01/2025 12:23

I'm not a Christian, and don't send Christmas cards.
I'd be taking the cards back to her, and telling her exactly this.

HoppingPavlova · 02/01/2025 12:26

I'd return them back through her door with a cheery note along the lines of
'Thank you so much for thinking of us, however we don't do Christmas cards at all as feel they are a waste of resources and bad for the environment, we prefer to spend time with the people we are close to in person so no need for cards'

This. If you don’t, next year you risk a more pass aggressive note, 2 packs of cards and a roll of wrapping paper - because obviously they are batshit. Stamp it out.

Original poster
Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 12:26

Thanks for the replies, I’m glad I’m not the only one that find it’s very odd. Some of the comments have really made me laugh 😆 I am either just going to leave it and ignore, or I may just politely explain that we don’t do Xmas cards but do appreciate the ones that she sends. I don’t want to offend her, she isn’t elderly I think she is in her 60s and wouldn’t want to be unnecessarily rude. But the comments have made me chuckle

OP posts:
EdithBond · 02/01/2025 12:27

Very odd behaviour, which comes across as patronising and interfering. But there’s a chance she may be struggling and this is an attempt to reach out to her neighbours.

I’d take them back to her. Knock her door. Ask how she is. Try to have a little friendly chat. Say, thank you very much but you don’t send Xmas cards, so have no use for them and hand them back. Be totally pleasant.

If misunderstandings aren’t nipped in the bud with neighbours they can fester and escalate. Best to be kind, friendly and upfront.

friendconcern · 02/01/2025 12:27

Tink3rbell30 · 02/01/2025 10:52

Its polite to send a card back, no excuse not to.

Not being christian
Not wanting to clutter up yours and other peoples houses with pointless tat
Not wanting to place even more strain on the environment
Not knowing people well enough to send them a card
Not wanting to

I disagree there are loads of reasons not to