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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daughters 1st birthday present

88 replies

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:29

So, we’ve had my 2nd daughter’s first birthday in October, low key at home with in laws. DH has a brother, wife and 2 kids a few years older than ours.we generally get on well but SIL doesn’t think much of the husbands family and is very much self absorbed and is always asking for expensive things with form to not return the kindness. For each of their children’s birthdays we make sure we got something they liked or wanted and spent about £40 on them (this is what we would normally spend). For my daughter’s birthday we offered out ideas for presents and left it up to each person to get what they wanted. BIL and SIL sent down a card and gift (as couldn’t make birthday). For my daughters first birthday they sent half a card, that is where they cut off the picture side of a standard birthday (not 1st birthday) card and wrote on that and sent some plastic xylophone tat. I was livid, husband was livid but in-laws made a fuss that it’s the though its that counts and to leave it. Husband sent a generic thank you text.
Roll on last week where it was SIL birthday and I purposefully sought out the exact same card they gave to my daughter and on the crease make a dotted line and drew a picture of small scissors. I wrote well wishes for her birthday and sent it.
It’s caused an uproar and I’ve been called to apologise and I’ve refused. AIBU

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 01/01/2025 20:31

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why has it caused an uproar? What's been said? By whom??

AgreeableDragon · 01/01/2025 20:31

Good for you! I wouldn't apologise.

Ponoka7 · 01/01/2025 20:32

You are all adults, if you had an issue, you or your DH should have addressed it. It wasn't up to your PILs to tell you what to do. Now you aare engaging in petty shit, which ultimately doesn't sort anything out.

raindripp · 01/01/2025 20:33

I mean, what could a 1 year old want more than a plastic xylophone! Sounds fab for a baby that won't remember their birthday.

The card sounds a bit cheeky of them (perhaps reusing one), that's perhaps something for your DH to mention to them.

What you did was super petty and a bit OTT - finding the specific same card and annotating it? And you waited since October to do this? You've just made it into a big family deal rather than dealing with it like an adult.

DooDooDooDooDooDooDooDoo · 01/01/2025 20:34

Was the uproar because your SIL knew nothing about the card and xylophone because her husband, the actual uncle of your child, had sent the card and xylophone?

Nextyearhopes · 01/01/2025 20:35

This is petty but absolutely hilarious.

Sirzy · 01/01/2025 20:35

How petty.

mindutopia · 01/01/2025 20:36

Why are you upset with your SIL? In our family, it’s dh’s job to sort presents and cards for his family. I literally have no idea what he gets them til after, don’t even see it. Very likely SIL got tired of doing all the wife work, delegated to BIL, who doesn’t give a shit and sent a crap card and tacky present, and now you’ve just been nasty to your SiL for no reason. I’d be really hurt if I was her.

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:36

husband has been messaged to say that it was petty which I know it was and she is upset that there’s a dotted line. They added there was a funny story about why they sent half a card. I was really upset by the card received by them and my point is if there was a funny story they should’ve given us a heads up or told us rather than just find half a card.

OP posts:
SchoolDilemma17 · 01/01/2025 20:39

You sound unhinged. We are talking about a card for a one year old!

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:39

.

OP posts:
Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:40

mindutopia · 01/01/2025 20:36

Why are you upset with your SIL? In our family, it’s dh’s job to sort presents and cards for his family. I literally have no idea what he gets them til after, don’t even see it. Very likely SIL got tired of doing all the wife work, delegated to BIL, who doesn’t give a shit and sent a crap card and tacky present, and now you’ve just been nasty to your SiL for no reason. I’d be really hurt if I was her.

Edited

SIL always sorts out gifts and is known for giving terrible cards/presents to husbands side of family. This is best worst one yet. The xylophone is fine, it’s the whole this is what my kids want and you will get vs us giving out similar ideas and for it to be completely ignored

OP posts:
Bobbing46 · 01/01/2025 20:41

It's very petty. It's not something I would have done. I would have kept the peace. Although, I probably would have match the spending moving forward. My SIL never spends more than £15 on a gift so I give her gift ideas around that price. She never suggests anything more expensive than that herself. I match her because I don't want her to feel under pressure or uncomfortable.

Cherrysherbet · 01/01/2025 20:41

That was pretty petty op
Not saying anything since October, then doing that.
Great way to start a family rift…..but I’m guessing that’s what you want?

Paradoes · 01/01/2025 20:42

Omg did this actually happen 😳

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:43

SchoolDilemma17 · 01/01/2025 20:39

You sound unhinged. We are talking about a card for a one year old!

I can assure you I’m not unhinged. I think I did it out of principle. It’s not like they can’t afford it or anything like that. I get on fine with SIL (or so I thought). It’s the lack of thought and zero and effort made, the fact it’s a first birthday at least warrants a nice card from uncle/aunt.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 01/01/2025 20:44

Yes it’s petty but I don’t blame you op. It’s all blown up because you’ve called it out and everyone shoots the messenger but I suggest you stand by it and don’t apologise. Everyone already knows they’re arseholes and you just shone a light on it. Good for you.

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:44

SIL probably spilled something on the other half or wrote the name wrong and cut off the dodgy bit of the card.

DaringLion · 01/01/2025 20:45

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:43

I can assure you I’m not unhinged. I think I did it out of principle. It’s not like they can’t afford it or anything like that. I get on fine with SIL (or so I thought). It’s the lack of thought and zero and effort made, the fact it’s a first birthday at least warrants a nice card from uncle/aunt.

Good for you

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 01/01/2025 20:46

This is the level of petty I strive to be 🤣

Tell her there's a funny story behind the card so you aren't going to apologise to her.

I would also start sticking a tenner in a card for her kids too rather than getting gifts.

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:47

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:44

SIL probably spilled something on the other half or wrote the name wrong and cut off the dodgy bit of the card.

Then when rewriting on the other side say that. Can’t see how can write the wrong name tbh. I believe it was a reused card.

OP posts:
BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:49

Then when rewriting on the other side say that. Can’t see how can write the wrong name tbh. I believe it was a reused card.

I think you were petty.

OurDreamLife · 01/01/2025 20:49

You’ve being ridiculous and petty awful I think. To be livid over a present is vulgar.

You may have more money than them but they still tried. Just because you think it’s plastic tat doesn’t mean it is.

saraclara · 01/01/2025 20:50

you are engaging in petty shit, which ultimately doesn't sort anything out.

Exactly. It was a childish and petty thing to do, which ends up with you being seen as the villain instead of the person you aimed it at.

Grow up and address things like an adult.

Cynic17 · 01/01/2025 20:51

Grow up, OP, you just sound childish.