Daughters 1st birthday present

[Spinningmom21]

So, we’ve had my 2nd daughter’s first birthday in October, low key at home with in laws. DH has a brother, wife and 2 kids a few years older than ours.we generally get on well but SIL doesn’t think much of the husbands family and is very much self absorbed and is always asking for expensive things with form to not return the kindness. For each of their children’s birthdays we make sure we got something they liked or wanted and spent about £40 on them (this is what we would normally spend). For my daughter’s birthday we offered out ideas for presents and left it up to each person to get what they wanted. BIL and SIL sent down a card and gift (as couldn’t make birthday). For my daughters first birthday they sent half a card, that is where they cut off the picture side of a standard birthday (not 1st birthday) card and wrote on that and sent some plastic xylophone tat. I was livid, husband was livid but in-laws made a fuss that it’s the though its that counts and to leave it. Husband sent a generic thank you text.
Roll on last week where it was SIL birthday and I purposefully sought out the exact same card they gave to my daughter and on the crease make a dotted line and drew a picture of small scissors. I wrote well wishes for her birthday and sent it.
It’s caused an uproar and I’ve been called to apologise and I’ve refused. AIBU

Dm once did a similar thing - gave half a card. She asked df to sign the card and without thinking he did his full name signature as he would do for a formal form, so initial surname.
She didn't have any other card and she tried sticking something over it and it looked worse, so she cut the back of the card off and sent the front with their names on the back.

She'd have been really upset if the person had reacted as OP did.

As pp gave said, you've made yourself the bad guy. You are coming across publicly as bitter and entitled; SIL comes across only privately as tight and entitled. If I were you, I'd have a chat with her where I explained how hurt I was about dd birthday and acknowledge that your response was not well handled. Smooth things over and then to make yourself feel better either spend less on her kids in future or if you would like "revenge" gift things like trumpet/drum kit/taster horse riding lesson/gift voucher for slightly less than required (e.g. here's a £20 voucher for a local dry ski slope where a session is £40 type thing).

My DB once a sent an envelope with no card to my DS (it was an accident).

I agree. I wish more people were as petty as you (and me) and pulled shit like this OP.

Act bewildered. You have drawn your line in the sand. 😂

Loser-like behaviour, imo. How petty can you get?

I don't think you've done yourself any favours tbh OP. You can't criticise someone for doing something, if you then do it yourself. You've lost your argument there and then. If you think her actions were bad? Then you're just the same.

Ok it was petty but what's the problem. It's not as bad as what she did. She's probably embarrassed. I think it's quite funny OP.
That said, I don't really like holding the women accountable for gifting - your SIL did 100% better than her husband did.

Are you the 1 year old? Because you've acted very childishly. No one year old gives a stuff about cards or presents. Your choice to spend £40 on presents for family, but no law to make them reciprocate

@Spinningmom21 many years ago my sil sent my youngest £2 for his first birthday! it wasnt even enough to buy a baby vest out of mothercare. the next birthday was her daughter so guess what I sent down!! yes £2 in a card! it caused ructions in the house (mil was there at the time) she had to walk out the room! she was actually in agreement with me given that the usual gift at that time was £10 and we were the poorest of the family and both worked, me doing night shifts, and they were the richest and she never needed to work!! it didnt happen ever again!! mil had a laugh when she told my hubby what I had done!! so did hubby!!! well done you!

Honestly, good for you 😂

How anybody would have the neck to send half a card is beyond me. You wouldn’t embarrass yourself. If you’d ruined it then buy another one, surely!

It’s exhausting being on the receiving end of poor behaviour and always having to be the bigger person. Why should you have to keep the peace for her sake? She got what she deserved, and I’d take the advice of a pp and stick a tenner in a card for her kids’ birthdays from now on.

Fucking hell! You sound about 12. I really couldn’t be arsed to play such stupid games. My grandson was 1 last week, he’d have loved a plastic xylophone. It sounds like your 1yo is the most grown up out of the lot of you.

Yes exactly this…you need to clarify the facts of what’s happened first

i don’t know what you expected to happen OP other than an upset

this is not calling it out - exactly the opposite - massive passively aggressive behaviour - that is confusing, unclear and gets everyone on edge

you already said they don’t care about the family so adjust your expectations

Ask yourself, are you in peace about it now or is it in your mind? The latter I suspect

This is hilarious - good for you!

I think it's time to say "let's not exchange presents anymore, but a whole card would be appreciated in future'

You ‘believe’ it was but you don’t know. Why wouldn’t you just ask what happened to the rest of the card? Then they’d say….

Just return the gift at next birthday at their hourse.

I agree with you!

I would take more offense at someone sending half a birthday card to my small child than to me. Who does that?

I think that what OP did was pretty funny.

OP you seem to have really triggered some people upthread, I think what you did is hilarious and had I been SIL and the first half card was a genuine error, I would just laugh it off when it came back at me.

One thing you can guarantee with this, is that it won’t happen again!

Where does OP say that she has more money than them? She says that her SIL always asks for expensive gifts but doesn't return the kindness.

OP gave them some suggestions for presents for her daughter which they ignored.

She is more cross about the half a card (who does that?) and that is what she is mocking in the card she sent to her SIL.

of course YABU.

You didn’t even bother to get their side of the story. Mummy and daddy had to be consulted first for some reason and they said to leave it. Then you used your SIL’s birthday to go to great lengths to make a petty passive aggressive dig rather than say what you mean. Absolutely pathetic and embarrassing. Get over it. Or at least ask them why they sent half a card.

BTW my aunty sends half a card as she reckons that way the postman won’t sense it’s a birthday card and won’t nick it, after a few relatives have had birthday cards with money in stolen. I mean it’s illogical and bonkers but each to their own, I manage not to have a tantrum about it and exact petty revenge.

Also a musical present is perfect for 1st birthday. What were you expecting, a Mini Cooper?

It always the women’s fault don’t you know! But good point I wonder why OP didn’t wait until it was her BILs birthday

If you were really upset why didn’t you put your big girl pants on and tell them?

What were you trying to achieve with your pathetic revenge card? Genuine question? Because I have a funny feeling you’ve had the reaction you wanted

Then your BIL is to blame not your SIL. Why does she have to be any good at wife work for a family that isn’t hers??

What principle exactly? Doing something out of principle would be asking if they meant to send half a card.

Uou probably have over inflated ideas of a 1st birthday. It warrants a card, nothing more. They’re 1. It ain’t that big a deal to anyone but you