Oh to have the confidence of an average male

Errors · 2025-01-01T19:11:32+00:00

This is one of my favourite sayings now. Did I get it right? I think I read it for the first time on here. Anyway, what is it about getting slightly older (40s) and all of a sudden SEEING this everywhere? I went on a date the other day with a guy who still lives at home with his Dad and siblings (he is my age) which normally wouldn’t be off putting in of itself (it was circumstantial) but he was so unbelievably full of himself. Kept talking about women in the office throwing themselves at him, text me after to say I was too ‘cold’ and not flirty enough and so he decided to ‘match my vibe’ and almost made out like I was really missing out on someone great by not wanting to see him again. Tell me some of your hilarious stories about men acting this way please. Why the hell do most decidedly average (and below average) men think they’re god’s gift?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 19:18

I think it's the confidence of a mediocre man. At least, that's what I say.

Yesterday at work we had an average level crisis. I work in a field where average level crises are every day occurrences. My female boss happened to be upstairs and one of the tiptop leadership team was there. He knew, she didn't yet. He went "OMG are your team OK, X happened, is that the first time X has happened? Will they need me down there?" <panic>

She came down, told me what had happened, said, "as soon as I saw the back of your head Terry, I know it was handled". But my male boss's boss's boss's boss thought he could, with no experience or education in the matter, be helpful and swoop in and take over successfully. I can happily tell you he would have been as useless as a fart in a space suit.

They think because they are paid more, they know more. I've always found the converse to be true.

FestiveFruitloop · 01/01/2025 19:29

When I was at uni I dated a guy for precisely a week, then came back to a note under my door breaking things off. And apologising for 'breaking my heart.'

One. Week.

Another uni bf assured me when we broke up after about a month that I'd 'get over him in time.'

Both men were distinctly average, but I'm happy to say these experiences were a great lesson in raising my standards. 😄

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 19:34

That’s it! The confidence of a mediocre man!

OP posts:

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 19:34

Why do they all walk about like they’re saving the world?

OP posts:

user1471517900 · 01/01/2025 19:39

Why do we suggest men have the problem here? Surely the issue is that women raise their standards to have more confidence in themselves.

2025mustbebetter · 01/01/2025 19:43

Not quite the same but I am a very experienced teacher. Had to cover a lesson for our (also experienced but not as much as me) deputy head. He came back at the end of the lesson (year 7 maths, I usually teach geography)

He had the class give me a round of applause for managing to teach them some basic maths. Patronising and undermining! Well done little old me.

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 19:43

user1471517900 · 01/01/2025 19:39

Why do we suggest men have the problem here? Surely the issue is that women raise their standards to have more confidence in themselves.

Two sides of the same coin.
Both would be useful

OP posts:

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 19:45

2025mustbebetter · 01/01/2025 19:43

Not quite the same but I am a very experienced teacher. Had to cover a lesson for our (also experienced but not as much as me) deputy head. He came back at the end of the lesson (year 7 maths, I usually teach geography)

He had the class give me a round of applause for managing to teach them some basic maths. Patronising and undermining! Well done little old me.

I paid for removal men recently to move my belongings in to a house I had been renovating. Bearing in mind I had already told them that I had laid the floor myself, done the decorating myself and various other complicated tasks, and he still proceeded to tell me the exact fixings I needed to connect my bookshelves together

OP posts:

Bobbybobbins · 01/01/2025 19:46

@2025mustbebetter

This reminds me of a maths teacher in my school who is admittedly a reasonably good teacher but not as good as he thinks he is. He said in a night out 'I could do a shit on the floor and the SLT would say it was outstanding'. What a knob.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 19:47

user1471517900 · 01/01/2025 19:39

Why do we suggest men have the problem here? Surely the issue is that women raise their standards to have more confidence in themselves.

It's specifically mediocre men though.

There's that statistic saying that women apply for jobs when they are 90% qualified and men when they are 40% qualified (statistics are made up!). Wouldn't it be better if qualified people did jobs?

2025mustbebetter · 01/01/2025 19:47

Bobbybobbins · 01/01/2025 19:46

@2025mustbebetter

This reminds me of a maths teacher in my school who is admittedly a reasonably good teacher but not as good as he thinks he is. He said in a night out 'I could do a shit on the floor and the SLT would say it was outstanding'. What a knob.

Think I was just a little bit sick in my mouth.

Wtaf?!

user1471517900 · 01/01/2025 19:48

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 19:47

It's specifically mediocre men though.

There's that statistic saying that women apply for jobs when they are 90% qualified and men when they are 40% qualified (statistics are made up!). Wouldn't it be better if qualified people did jobs?

Show quote history

Well yes..... So women should apply more.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2025 19:49

Or unqualified men should apply less. There are an awful lot of men promoted to the level of their own incompetence.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 19:50

@user1471517900

I work in an industry connected to the City and the overpromotion of overconfident (mainly white) men has literally sustained this industry for hundreds of years. It's more or less part of the job description to have a hugely inflated sense of your own value and to strut your way around self-importantly bossing minions and women around and blustering your way through things you know very little about. Men who don't behave like this tend to get overlooked.

The women who are well paid in this world (who are thinner on the ground but they are becoming more common) are better educated, more knowledgeable, more competent and infinitely more socially intelligent, usually because they have put in the hard yards being shouted at and patronised by these blokes for much longer on the way up so tend not to be overpromoted too quickly.

Women should have more confidence of course, but to copy this style of self-importance doesn't quite work: a man who presents himself as a blustering bullshitter (in the style of Boris Johnson) will be celebrated, a woman who does this will be roundly condemned as a fraud and brought down a peg.

We still have a long way to go.

21ZIGGY · 01/01/2025 19:54

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 19:50

@user1471517900

I work in an industry connected to the City and the overpromotion of overconfident (mainly white) men has literally sustained this industry for hundreds of years. It's more or less part of the job description to have a hugely inflated sense of your own value and to strut your way around self-importantly bossing minions and women around and blustering your way through things you know very little about. Men who don't behave like this tend to get overlooked.

The women who are well paid in this world (who are thinner on the ground but they are becoming more common) are better educated, more knowledgeable, more competent and infinitely more socially intelligent, usually because they have put in the hard yards being shouted at and patronised by these blokes for much longer on the way up so tend not to be overpromoted too quickly.

Women should have more confidence of course, but to copy this style of self-importance doesn't quite work: a man who presents himself as a blustering bullshitter (in the style of Boris Johnson) will be celebrated, a woman who does this will be roundly condemned as a fraud and brought down a peg.

We still have a long way to go.

Law?

I recognise your description which matches my professional experience

Onlyvisiting · 01/01/2025 20:02

user1471517900 · 01/01/2025 19:39

Why do we suggest men have the problem here? Surely the issue is that women raise their standards to have more confidence in themselves.

Difference between confidence and false confidence.
Or- confidence in your abilities and arrogance.
One is a worthy goal for men or women, the other makes you a bit of a twat

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 20:15

21ZIGGY · 01/01/2025 19:54

Law?

I recognise your description which matches my professional experience

Show quote history

I don’t work in law but definitely see this in my job

OP posts:

Demodog · 01/01/2025 20:21

Errors · 01/01/2025 20:15

I don’t work in law but definitely see this in my job

Show quote history

I work in financial services (not investment banking) - I see this every day.

Suggestions from women which go nowhere until a bloke says it. Then everyone falls over themselves to congratulate him for having such a wondrous idea.

Original poster

Errors · 01/01/2025 20:29

Demodog · 01/01/2025 20:21

I work in financial services (not investment banking) - I see this every day.

Suggestions from women which go nowhere until a bloke says it. Then everyone falls over themselves to congratulate him for having such a wondrous idea.

Show quote history

Yep. I remember explaining something to my male boss once. I had a problem on a file but I had a decent (but complicated) way to fix it and needed him to agree. I explained it all to him, watched him make a show of pondering the issue, fingering his brow, pacing up and down and literally wondering why the hell it was taking him so long to see what I thought was so incredibly obvious. He eventually stated that we should do ‘x,y,z’ (yep; exactly my idea) and the men nearly all got up and slow clapped him.

OP posts:

toooldforbrat · 02/01/2025 08:15

21ZIGGY · 01/01/2025 19:54

Law?

I recognise your description which matches my professional experience

Show quote history

Also consulting!

DreadPirateRobots · 02/01/2025 08:17

I say it as 'Lord, grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man'.

JacquesHarlow · 02/01/2025 08:22

It’s a shame there isn’t a section of the board called “pity corner” @Errors

SallyWD · 02/01/2025 08:34

Can't say I've noticed this. Yes some men are confident but I know plenty of men with zero confidence.

Original poster

Errors · 02/01/2025 08:42

JacquesHarlow · 02/01/2025 08:22

It’s a shame there isn’t a section of the board called “pity corner” @Errors

Why?

OP posts:

tappitytaptap · 02/01/2025 08:48

DreadPirateRobots · 02/01/2025 08:17

I say it as 'Lord, grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man'.

My god yes this! I am on a development programme at work which will eventually lead to a promotion for maybe half of us. All the women doubt themselves, all the men think they are doing an utterly fabulous job. It's quite amazing to see!