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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think skiing is not an essential skill!

253 replies

Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 01:45

My brother & his wife hate skiing but bring the kids once sometimes twice a year as they think it's an essential skill for their children to learn.. aibu to think this is ridiculous & it will never, ever come in useful in adult life!

OP posts:
exprecis · 01/01/2025 09:11

BeeLight · 01/01/2025 09:04

This is another instance of the UK’s aspirational oddities about social class and ‘fitting in’, like that thread about how to make your children able to move easily in UC and UMC circles.

I’m a prole who went to Oxford. I have many UC friends, including some who have family chalets in the Swiss alps, and other than a couple of deeply unenjoyable novice efforts, I’ve never ski’ed. It’s never for a moment stopped me being friends with enthusiastic lifelong skiers. I wouldn’t go on holiday with them to one of those charmless, purpose-built resorts where there’s nothing to do but ski, but the nice thing about staying in friends’ houses is that they’re usually somewhere with lots of non-wintersports-related things to do.

There’s something really depressing about the aspirational dragging their children to the ROH and to ski school so they can fit in with possible ‘posh friends ’.

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Yeah it is ridiculous.

And fwiw I don't for a minute think my parents should have spent their time and money on skiing when they didn't want to go.

And of course it doesn't stop me being friends with skiiers but it's also fair to say that I don't love that most of my friends go off on a group holiday every year without me and spend balf their time talking about it

ObliviousCoalmine · 01/01/2025 09:12

I don't ski, my sister does. My daughter went on a couple of school skiing trips to learn to ski (they did ski school for a lot of the week each time). I don't think it's an essential skill, but it's something she's glad she learnt to do - like riding a bike.

TheKeatingFive · 01/01/2025 09:12

Not essential but highly enjoyable and (like most things) better learnt when you're young.

LambTofu · 01/01/2025 09:13

Oh so they're really doing posh on a budget thing. Rich people can see through wannabe's it's embarrassing and they won't be accepted or seen as one of them because there will be signs of their differences. It's as username Chicken said above not belonging in that fancy firm.

PiggyPigalle · 01/01/2025 09:17

Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 01:57

It's so not an essential skills! I have asked my lovely brother many times why he thinks it is essential his kids are accomplished skiers & he can't answer me.. it's not like swimming or first aid!

He could answer you but doesn't, as you're being a shit stirrer.

cakeorwine · 01/01/2025 09:21

BeeLight · 01/01/2025 07:12

Being devil’s advocate, it’s probably in the same ‘recreationally fun’ category as swimming. Mners like to behave as if swimming is a crucial safety-related life skill, but the fact is that most people who drown can swim, and that doesn’t save them. Swimming is likely to be a skill mostly used on holiday/for recreation, in reality.

And how many people who fall in and save themselves can swim

But you don't hear about those people. Classic survivor's bias

Skiing is a nice skill but not essential. We're going next week. But I don't know many people who go skiiing.

Original poster
Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 09:33

PiggyPigalle · 01/01/2025 09:17

He could answer you but doesn't, as you're being a shit stirrer.

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How am I being a shit stirrer? DB lives in the next town to me, there are no mountains, no cross country terrain & we rarely get any snow. To me it is totally non essential however there has been some excellent replies on here which explain his reasons run deeper.

OP posts:
LambTofu · 01/01/2025 09:36

Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 09:33

How am I being a shit stirrer? DB lives in the next town to me, there are no mountains, no cross country terrain & we rarely get any snow. To me it is totally non essential however there has been some excellent replies on here which explain his reasons run deeper.

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He says nothing because he knows they're embarrassing and pretending to be richer than they are.. unless the wife comes from a family that always went skiing and married down to your brother? No offence, i'm sure your brother is lovely!

Original poster
Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 09:41

He is lovely! No my sister in law comes from a similar family to ours, had never been skiing either but agrees with db it's essential for the dc to learn hence why they now go every year!

OP posts:
widgetz · 01/01/2025 09:42

@Clickoclock of course it isn't an "essential skill" but you are being unreasonable in taking his poor phrasing literally ... what he really means is that it is "cultural capital", he just doesn't know how to express that. Next time he says it, rather than scoffing, say something like "I've often puzzled over why you say skiing is essential, but I think what you mean is that it is valuable cultural capital, yes?" He may even thank you for correcting him.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culturalcapital

There's nothing wrong with building cultural capital. Schools often use this phrase internally when planning trips and experiences for their students (including skiing trips!)

StScholastica · 01/01/2025 09:43

Well of course it's not essential but it's rather lovely. It's up to your family what they spend their money on.

Postchristmasblah · 01/01/2025 09:44

Clickoclock · 01/01/2025 09:41

He is lovely! No my sister in law comes from a similar family to ours, had never been skiing either but agrees with db it's essential for the dc to learn hence why they now go every year!

For me the interesting thing is whether or not the children enjoy it. If they do, it’s perfectly reasonable for them to holiday in this way, if it is something they can afford. I do find it a little odd that both adults don’t enjoy it though - I can maybe see a future where I send DH and teen DS’s off skiing if I can’t get the hang of it.

if the kids don’t like it I would prioritise other holidays - especially city breaks.

Luckypinkduck · 01/01/2025 09:45

I don't think it's at all essential but I can see it's a skill that's good to get in childhood and there is a class element. I don't ski so my children probably won't ski, it isn't a money thing but the only way to change that would be a holiday where the children learn and we don't.
I don't think I care enough but I have wished I could ski over the years as it looks fun and I have missed out on joining in holidays with more middle class friends I met through work/ later in life.

BeeLight · 01/01/2025 09:46

cakeorwine · 01/01/2025 09:21

And how many people who fall in and save themselves can swim

But you don't hear about those people. Classic survivor's bias

Skiing is a nice skill but not essential. We're going next week. But I don't know many people who go skiiing.

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It’s not ‘survivors’ bias’. People who can’t swim are highly unlikely to be in or around water for leisure purposes in the first place.

Ontherocksthisyear · 01/01/2025 09:50

Are you serious? You know damn well it's not essential. Did you actually need MN to confirm this? 🙄

TheKeatingFive · 01/01/2025 09:51

LambTofu · 01/01/2025 09:36

He says nothing because he knows they're embarrassing and pretending to be richer than they are.. unless the wife comes from a family that always went skiing and married down to your brother? No offence, i'm sure your brother is lovely!

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Oh god, what nonsense.

People from all class backgrounds can learn to ski if they want to and can afford the trip.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/01/2025 09:51

It's not a hobby of his as he & his wife hate it! They go as they think it's essential for their kids to be able to ski.

That's pretty daft, especially if they have any limitation at all on holiday time and funding. Surely if you want your kids to have this 'cultural capital', and think they'd enjoy it, that's what school ski trips are for?Grin

Re swimming, apart from the pros and cons of safety, that's a very different matter for British people - we live on a wet island not a snowy mountainous one, so there are loads of different watersports available, often quite cheaply.

TheKeatingFive · 01/01/2025 09:51

And imagine talking about 'marrying down' in 2025 🙄

TeamMandrake · 01/01/2025 09:53

Do the kids enjoy it, though? I go on plenty of holidays/trips (e.g. theme parks) that involve things I don't love, because my kids do love it.

Regardless, even if they hate skiing, I bet they love fondue, hot wine and mountain views. They are getting something out of it on a personal level.

Optigan · 01/01/2025 09:55

I wouldn't class it as essential but if your brother wants his DC to learn, why not? No different from any other pastime or hobby.

SuffolkBargeWoman · 01/01/2025 09:57

Nn9011 · 01/01/2025 01:58

It's not necessarily a skill in the sense of writing or reading, but it is definitely something that will help them depending on where they want to work or if they're trying to better themselves through moving to a higher class or having wealth when they're older. In some circles it's very much about where you winter or where you ski or knowing about where the places are to ski, that's really like a cultural capital in itself and gives you sadly, respect or being seen as from a a certain class in life. If they can afford it, and they have certain aspirations I would let them have at it. Certainly wouldn't be my idea fun but two each their own I guess!

This

sloecat · 01/01/2025 10:01

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/01/2025 08:37

The thing with skiing is that it's a once a year thing though.

So if funds are limited, surely it's better to spend the money on a hobby your child can do once a week throughout the year.

If funds aren't limited, knock yourself out, I guess.

I do love skiing and will take my children in a few years if we can afford it, but in terms of hobbies which will give them confidence and improve their physical coordination, I think the regular hobbies will have more impact.

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I don’t disagree.

Jeezitneverends · 01/01/2025 10:03

Nn9011 · 01/01/2025 01:58

It's not necessarily a skill in the sense of writing or reading, but it is definitely something that will help them depending on where they want to work or if they're trying to better themselves through moving to a higher class or having wealth when they're older. In some circles it's very much about where you winter or where you ski or knowing about where the places are to ski, that's really like a cultural capital in itself and gives you sadly, respect or being seen as from a a certain class in life. If they can afford it, and they have certain aspirations I would let them have at it. Certainly wouldn't be my idea fun but two each their own I guess!

It’s absolutely this. Each to their own

MinnieMountain · 01/01/2025 10:06

DH and DS love skiing. I don’t. DH wouldn’t have persisted with taking DS skiing if he didn’t enjoy it.

We don’t class it as an essential skill in our house.

On the plus side, my dislike of skiing means DH takes DS in February half-term without me 😁

Ohnvhj · 01/01/2025 10:19

I wonder whether skiing will continue to have such cultural capital going forth. There is less and less snow around and even the Swiss are less bothered about having to do it.