To wonder how this is legal and what can be done to prevent it

[Fawnly]

Over the last few weeks I’ve heard 3 separate stories of young British girls, moving to the Middle East, getting married, changing religion and having children with men who are older.
One was on here and it seems it ended in abuse.

One of the others has really disturbed me, this girl started a relationship with a doctor from Qatar who was late 20s when she was 17!! As soon as she turned 18 she started getting the documents needed to move. 6 weeks after turning 18 she has moved to Qatar, married just weeks after that (had to change religion first). Then almost immediately conceived a child. Her parents (who are my friends), haven’t been able to visit as she refuses to let them. She now has 2 children, totally distant from her family etc.

Another was similar but the UAE.

AIBU to wonder how this is legal? Why are these countries letting 30 year old men marry teenagers who they have just moved 4000 miles from home!

I have teenagers and I’m beside myself at the thought of this happening to them!

How and why does this happen? How can it be prevented?

The law can't stop people making bad decisions.

Agreed. Qatar isn’t even a particularly soft target for these types of marriages - you have to apply Ministry of Interior to marry a foreigner and convince them of various things before they’ll approve.

I am sure it’s more shocking to the British parents when their daughter runs off to the Gulf versus to another part of the UK, and it certainly adds a layer of legal and cultural complication, but I wouldn’t say there’s a huge epidemic of these marriages. Most khaleejis will also find this particular situation odd.

OP I am not sure what you want here? Adults have the freedom to make terrible choices!

I can give you another perspective because I have seen it. Christian white girl goes to boarding school and is told for years that culturally, her value lies in "supporting" her husband, having children and spreading the gospel. Around age 16, she begins to be disillusioned because her own parents only see her two days a week, and they make her believe it was "her choice" when she was a child and wanted to be with them. However, they may have told her that her being at boarding school frees them up for mission and the mission is the most important thing.

Then, she meets someone who genuinely wants to be with her and take care of her, and his family are loving, present and supportive, and she sees their religion and authentic and inclusive of family life, which she desperately wants, and she leaves her absent parents to be the present loving parent with a successful husband that she always wanted and was told by church she needed.

This would be legal in the UK wouldn't it once you're 18 you can marry who you like? I don't think we can introduce laws that say even when your 18 you can only marry someone of whom your parents approve.

This happens world over, adult men seeking out much younger women who are barely more than girls. If rich, entitled men can’t find a woman who will meet their needs and follow what they want in their own country they’ll often look elsewhere. It’s not unique to Arab men or countries. I know British men in their 60s who went to Thailand to find themselves a much, much younger wife and have brought them back to the UK away from their families.

When you are this age, wild horses wouldn't drag you away from your chosen path. She may or may not regret it in time. You make the decision you have to live with that decision. We all do it. It's life.

If you are worried someone is being radicalised or coerced etc you can report to prevent.

But if an 18yo can prove they want to do this and aren't coerced we really cannot stop it.

Same way we can't stop a 16yo girl sleeping with a 20 something man in the UK.

This is exactly part of the problem. Your description of why this is so shocking- basically because she’s privileged and middle class- so not one of “those” girls is exactly why it’s this girl. She was clearly crying out for love and attention that not even an expensive education could overcome. Why was everyone busy discussing her school grades and not having honest, non-judgemental, real life conversations with her about love, sex, relationships, emotions, and that’s it’s okay to make mistakes?

@Nodlikeyouwerelistening I'm glad someone else mentioned that. To me OP's concern is full of an undercurrent of "what a shame/waste" of a middle class girl. It's ok when it's Tasha from EE, Aranya from Thailand, Sofia from Brazil or Jane from the wrong side of the tracks in the UK.

I've seen loads of stuff on social media lately where British women are marrying rich Arab men and living lives of extreme luxury in places like Dubai and Qatar. They're always posting photo of themselves buying designer clothes and expensive jewellery. They're are living like princesses and being indulged by their adoring husbands. Could this trend be partly responsible for these young girls rushing off to places like Qatar?
People are posting that this girl is clearly crying out for love or being coerced/ groomed? Maybe it's just this new trend of trying to bag yourself a rich man from the middle east. Just offering an alternative explanation...

@NautilusLionfish I hate it all.

Why was he so desperate to get her out of the UK and have kids.

She's trapped then as women can't leave a marriage with their children in Qatar. I doubt it'll be her choice about whether or not she travels out of the country with them. If she hasn't realised this yet she will do soon enough.

Marry them here and don't move there, is the advice I'd give any women considering this - it will sort the wheat from the chaff.

That is illegal, and can be dealt with, albeit difficult for all involved

Her family were practicing Christians, she went to a Christian School as a weekly boarder.

Maybe she was unhappy? Maybe she hated boarding school and Christianity or felt her parents were pushing her down a path she didn’t want to go down.

So what?
Background has nowt to do with anything, nor does money, holidays, etc.

Omg!! Christian chooses another religion!
Shock, horror, probe!
Write to the Parish magazine, tell the vicar, warn the deacon

Of course it's legal. Adults can marry whoever they please and move wherever they want. British men can marry 18 year old girls from other countries and bring them here as their wife in much the same way.

He wasn't 30, he was in his 'late 20s' according to OP, but that could mean 25

She isn't 10 fgs

If she’s 18 she can do whatever she wants.

Unfortunately (maybe it’s just by impression) there seems to be a growing trend in younger girls now of wanting to be some sort of rich housewife (and then reality kicks in). I notice it a lot with my DD and friends.

I swear social media is warping these kids idea of reality and making them borderline delusional.

And rich husbands.

I don't know about the legal implications of this one but let's not all jump on a bandwagon of culture blaming. Remember the Thai bride craze? A 16 year old appears at your local train station asking for directions speaking no English, with no doubt some grim 50 year old pervert in the suburbs somewhere waiting for her (like Little Britain sketch). It's a worldwide thing. It's bad, but it is a worldwide thing.

No. Doesn't even whisper.

Presumably all those who think this is grooming support Shamina Begum and her bid to have her nationality returned?
Because she was groomed