DP going through phone

[loveydoveyloon]

I've just caught him out again!

It's getting to the point I am paranoid to leave my phone in the front room when I go to the toilet. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing on there to hide. But personal stuff like banking and text messages, I don't share with him cause quite frankly it's none of his business.

I got a text message about a bill the other day which i left on my home screen on purpose, when i came back down it was gone off the screen, which means someone has read it, then the day after he started asking how i never have any spare money and what's exactly do i spend my money on. In 12 years he has never paid an interest in what i spend my money on

If i change my passcode he will think I do have something to hide.

Seen loads of threads with women going through men's phone, but that is OK though as women are allowed to do that.

'DP, why are you looking at my phone when I'm out of the room? If there's something on your mind, I'd appreciate you just talking to me about it'

Change your password.

Gah, people - just take some ownership.

Just leave this thread open so he can see all the responses next time he goes snooping.

Ah, but most or all men are untrustworthy, cheating beasts, so different rules apply.

I'd leave my partner if they ever went through my phone. It shows a complete lack of respect for my privacy.

There'd be no discussion, no arguments, we'd just be done.

It's nice to see most MNers agreeing that you need your privacy. On these kind of posts you usually get everyone saying "He knows my password and I know his and we regularly pick up each others' phones".

Yeah change your password. It's not only your privacy you need to protect but any friend's messages too, I wouldn't like to think that my private conversations are being poured over by a friend's DP.

Here we know the passcodes to each others phones because they are both the same, just incase we need to access a device and can’t find ours, however I have never gone on DH phone without his knowledge and have little interest in what he does on it, and I’m sure he feels the same about mine.
He puts enough money into the joint account to cover the main bills, I earn a lot less as I work pt because of our children, I pay a couple of bills and get stuff for the kids, if I run short of money I just take it out of the joint account and he will put more in. I have no idea what he spends the rest of his wages on, and he doesn’t care what I spend mine on.
I don’t understand if you’ve agreed to pay 50/50 and the rest of your money your own, why he would be snooping and cross about what you spend the rest of your money on, unless he’s running low on his funds.

Yes, do that, then chop his fingers off so he has no chance of snooping again 🤣

If you have been together for 12 years you both should feel more than comfortable sharing knowledge on what you both are spreading in my opinion, my partner isn't the best with money so I try to keep him on his feet with his spending not because I want to control more to the fact I want a good future together.

Theory: he's cheating and it's making him paranoid.

Why are you with someone who does that?

How will he know you’ve changed your password unless he looks? How will he address it without admitting he’s snooping? 😉

There is something fishy financially going on.

Ew

Something is clearly going on and I wouldn't be hanging around to find out what it is.

Exactly. You're in a relationship, you live together. You should be able to ask him what the fuck he's playing at and tell him to stop

Just came here to say, if you’re going to change your PIN code, make sure you also check that he hasn’t set himself up as an “Alternative Appearance”.

If he has (and he would only need to know your PIN to set it up), he can use his own face to unlock your phone even if you change your code.

I'm sure you think this was an incredibly clever comment, but if you read the OPs posts properly, you will learn that she has Face ID and a passcode. Some couples do share their passcodes with each other because they trust them not to snoop. Obviously in this case the partner has betrayed that trust.

Exactly! I was thinking the same thing.

It's often the case. Husband suddenly suspicious because he's having an affair himself...

Hes gambling

This is what I was thinking - there would be a conversation like this:

"Why have you changed the password on your phone?"
"How do you know I have? (And why do you care?)"

If you live with someone in the house for 12 years and you still keep things just for yourself then that's the problem. You might have your own reasons but etherway that's not healthy for a relationship.

Either change your passcode or take your phone with you whenever you leave a room. You are allowed personal boundaries regardless of, well anything

I've found it to be a case of them projecting their guilty conscience onto me in my past relationships when this sort of thing pops up. Ask if he'll hand over his phone so you can both go through them together if a conversation leads to accusations.

Good luck, these things can chip away at you.

Thanks for all the comments, little update:

He doesn't gamble, doesn't have money issues

He isn't having an affair, he goes to work and comes home, doesn't go out or we go out together

Thinks I am having an affair because I don't want sex as much, which is partly to do with my age and due to starting to go through the menopause

He gave me his passcode and said I could go through his if I want - I have no need to do this and I am not remotely interested in knowing his passcode

Told him that its not OK and if he wants to look through my phone he is quite welcome to but ask, don't be sneaky