To be fed up with comments on the size of my baby at DH family party

[arabicaqueen]

My 9 week old was 9lb 15 when he was born and has been tracking the 98th centile since so he is a big baby. I think he’s perfect how he is, but I was at my husband’s family Christmas party yesterday and the constant comments about DS size really started to get to me. Especially because his cousin has a baby boy who is 9 months old and is tiny for his age, so the comparisons were endless with how big DS is compared to his cousin’s baby. If it were one or two comments then I get it but it felt like it was all night. Comments like “what must you be feeding him?!”, “you’ll be passing hand me downs to cousin’s baby, not the other way around!”, “how big was he when he was born again 😱”, “just look at them next to each other”. I was trying to move the conversation on and away from babies and their sizes but they kept going back to it and I ended up just hmming to all the comments and looking forward to going home. DH thinks I was over sensitive and that’s just his family (who are big, loud and opinionated), and baby is big so they’re not wrong. But it was really getting to me how they kept on gong on about it, like there was something wrong with my baby.

You are being sensitive, most parents are. It is just chit chat.

I am short and so far my son is fairly tall so people commenting he is big is reassuring he will be average height - hopefully. My dd was 9th percentile and lots of comments on being small when i was worried she wasnt growing enough. I would never think people worry about babies being big due to my personal experience but seeing this post i do expect that comments about being big would have worried me too.

There isnt much to say about babies other than big/small lots of hair etc. As your baby grows and interacts more comments will be about latest cute/funny thing he has said.

You could have a lighthearted moan to mil or sil and hope they take the hint but try not to be offended if they continue.

Lots of people do, there’s regularly threads about it on here. Just because you don’t feel something, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone.

this reminds me of my once partner saying “it’s the size of a turkey” to someone with huge baby. It was huge, I couldn't get up out of the chair when said baby fell asleep in my lap, and I’m not a small person.

i think people just have different filters

I agree with posters who think it’s a compliment about being healthy, but I understand it riled you

I was born in the 60s and tipped scales at 10 lbs..can you imagine!! That was when babies were usually 5lbs!!

‘Body hating women’ except here you are saying nobody wants a skinny baby. Absolutely stupid

Nobody wants a skinny baby

😳

Oh dear, this poster has now offended all parents of skinny babies in order to try and make the parent of a chubby baby feel better!

ALL babies are lovely and most thankfully are very much loved and thought beautiful and perfect by their parents.

I’m pretty sure the most coveted attribute of a baby is that it’s born alive and healthy.

Did you feel some sort of implied criticism? Otherwise best to let it float by.

People used to comment on how skinny mine were - I just ignored it.

Clearly they've never been anywhere near a Neonatal unit, or do they assume none of those babies are wanted? 🤦‍♀️

I once had to judge a baby competition - bad move! I chose a dainty little thing when apparently I should have chosen a chubby one - gulp! They were all lovely......

OP, you're not oversensitive. That's just what people to say to pressure others into accepting bad manners, thoughtlessness and hurtful comments and actions. You feel how you feel and that's perfectly valid.

I had a big baby too. Bigger than yours. And I completely understand why you're pissed off. I think unless someone has been in this position they won't understand that it's literally every single day 10, 20, 30 + times a day that you're hearing "ooh what a big baby!" From family, friends, neighbours, shopkeepers, random members of public. It fucking grates. And it can easily start to make you feel paranoid that something is wrong, because clearly your baby is so unusual that every Tom, Dick and Harry feels compelled to comment.

In the end with family and friends I had to tell them all to pack it in. I was friendly about it because I don't think there was any malice. I think most of the time it's just something to say to make conversation. But I told them I was getting fed up of hearing it a million times a day and it'd be great if I could have a break from it. I don't think anyone was particularly upset but even if they had been, I'd have stuck to my guns because it's a fair request.

With strangers I just gritted my teeth and moved on ASAP. It never felt worth a confrontation over a short interaction.

Oh I got this all the time with dd, she was a very chunky baby & tbf a massive toddler. People might mean well but I got fed up with it, it was as if there was NOTHING else to say about her which was a bit hurtful at times.
It all evens out anyway, she was no taller or bigger than average by school age & has grown up a slim & willowy adult.

I had a very small baby. I always felt judged for not feeding the baby well and for not eating enough during pregnancy. Bigger babies were cooed and their mothers celebrated. Enjoy the attention. Society generally loves bigger babies.

I think pp means people don't want their baby to be too skinny [as then they might be less resilient to illness etc], not that their skinny babies are unwanted babies.

Yes, I had a baby in neonatal (just for a couple of nights), and I can assure you, no one wants their baby to be so unwell that they have to be in neonatal care.

"No one wants a baby in NICU" is true, and does not mean "their baby is unwanted"!

Ditto "no one wants a too skinny baby" doesn't mean "skinny babies are unwanted"

I'm sure ppster didn't mean it like that, 2 of my babies were so small when they were born, I am not offended by a throwaway remark made by a stranger

I had an 11lb - er! When he was born the midwives joked whether I had bought his school uniform to the hospital. And a consultant came in to ‘see’ as they hadn’t see such a big baby. I was still in the recovery room. I laughed with them though.

I do think it’s insensitive to bang on an about it as you’re a new mum. But just enjoy the bundle you have. I used to get in there first with the ‘big’ comments in a lighthearted way as he was massive to be fair. Slim 6ft now. I have a really tall daughter that everyone always comments on. I gently correct them if they say she is ‘big’ and replace with ‘tall’. You just need confidence to do that. I consider 9lbs normal for me! all my babies much bigger than that between 10 and 11 lbs !

But it does imply there is something wrong with a skinny baby. And yes many have had difficult starts (my DD was 3 months premature, I’ve had every comment about her size), but many babies are just skinny built. The poster having a go at ‘body hating women’ whilst making judgement on babies body size show her intensions were not as pure as you are trying to make out. It was a poorly judged, thoughtless comment.

Yes, it was both ignorant and insensitive, especially in the same breath as 'body shaming'.

You couldn't make it up 🤦‍♀️

Perhaps it was badly phrased, yes.

But the general perception is that very skinny babies are less resilient to illness. My chunky baby has just recovered from norovirus and then an ear infection back to back and he's visibly lost a bit of weight, his cheeks have slimmed down. If he'd been skinny to begin with, he'd have perhaps needed more medical intervention.

So as humans, we perceive fat babies to be more healthy, which of course is an oversimplification, but has a basis in some fact.

Conversely, when we see an obese adult we perceive them to seem less healthy than a mid sized adult, which again is a simplification but has a factual basis

Edit - I'm sorry your LO was premature and people made horrid comments. I hope they are getting on well

Wether my baby was slim or fat I wanted her and thought she was beautiful and resilient and was proud of her body. Can’t imagine looking at my baby and thinking oh god I wish you had fatter legs, you’d be healthier then. It’s not even as ‘factual’ as you think as there is a lot that goes into body shape and the immune system. Clearly you don’t understand as you agree with the stupid poster. Doesn’t mean you are right though, and we clearly won’t agree.

No amount of scratching around and reaching will make me think that poster wasn't shaming 'skinny' babies.

Or that they were thinking about it from a health POV rather than aesthetics.

Hence the 'Chunky chubster' remark.

When people talk about a babies weight or size, it's totally different to commenting on an adults weight/size.

Baby size is just one of the things people comment on. I had both ends of the spectrum with DS1 - born on the 0.4th and over the 98th later on! I think it's an easy thing to comment on, but I do know how annoying it is for both sides, just try and shrug it off. DS2 was a very average 50th centile child and I noted the lack of comments! 😂

Nobody thinks you shouldn't want your baby! And I didn't mean resilient in an emotional way, I meant physically.

We all want our babies to be as healthy as they can be.

People will alwsys make comparisons when another baby in the room. Annoying - but human nature .

Mine was 9lb 13oz at birth - at 6 weeks he looked more like 6 months as they do just pile it on as they are growing so fast (exclusively breast fed) people commrr et BTEC constantly about ‘how big’ he was and couldn’t my believe it when I said his age.

by time started school actually was one of the smallest in the class (summer born) - so it all evened out .

i don’t think people were trying to hurt you - they just often can’t help themselves and say all manner of stuff talking about the babies.

don’t take it to heart - be glad that your baby is strong and healthy and doing well.

Don’t worry what anyone else thinks.

Yeah I meant physically too, you clearly don’t understand genetics and the immune system as much as you think you do. That poster wasn’t on about health, no matter how much you try and twist it. Sometimes posters make shitty comments, and that’s what that poster did.

I’ve had a chunky baby over 9lb and followed top percentile also teeny weeny twins who just never got a chubby phase. People comment on baby size the way you’d comment on the weather. It’s not meant with malice. I’d say society in general coos over bigger babies as a sign of health and resilience. I’m sure that’s not true in all cases. Anecdotally the smaller of the twins was hospitalised several times over things her sister managed to bounce back from. Croup bronchitis rsv type stuff.