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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with comments on the size of my baby at DH family party

112 replies

arabicaqueen · 30/12/2024 12:42

My 9 week old was 9lb 15 when he was born and has been tracking the 98th centile since so he is a big baby. I think he’s perfect how he is, but I was at my husband’s family Christmas party yesterday and the constant comments about DS size really started to get to me. Especially because his cousin has a baby boy who is 9 months old and is tiny for his age, so the comparisons were endless with how big DS is compared to his cousin’s baby. If it were one or two comments then I get it but it felt like it was all night. Comments like “what must you be feeding him?!”, “you’ll be passing hand me downs to cousin’s baby, not the other way around!”, “how big was he when he was born again 😱”, “just look at them next to each other”. I was trying to move the conversation on and away from babies and their sizes but they kept going back to it and I ended up just hmming to all the comments and looking forward to going home. DH thinks I was over sensitive and that’s just his family (who are big, loud and opinionated), and baby is big so they’re not wrong. But it was really getting to me how they kept on gong on about it, like there was something wrong with my baby.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 30/12/2024 13:00

I sincerely doubt they were fat shaming your baby. Try not to take it the wrong way.

CatkinToadflax · 30/12/2024 13:01

DS1 was 4 months premature and weighed 1.5lbs. Even after he came home from NICU he was tiny. Aged 6 months he was still wearing premmie clothes. I had him in a sling on my front in a shop one day and someone asked how old he was. I replied “six months” and before I could go into any more detail she pointed right at him and said “no, that baby!” as if I was referring to the wrong one!

DS2 was hardly large at 6lbs, but had a distinct look of a potato about him. I showed a friend his passport photo that we had taken when he was 4 months old, and she said “bloody hell, it’s Phil Mitchell!”

Original poster
arabicaqueen · 30/12/2024 13:02

MrsWhites · 30/12/2024 12:48

I think you are being a bit oversensitive, I’m sure none of the comments were from the point of view that there is something wrong with your baby, and you’ve just commented yourself that your nephew is tiny for his age - I think it’s just natural to point out the difference in age and size.

I don't mind them noticing my baby is big. I know from his centile charts he's bigger than almost every other baby his age. I wouldn't be offended if DH's cousin (my cousin-in-law?!) posted a similar post complaining about them banging on about the babies' sizes saying that my baby is big and hers is small. I only mentioned as relevant because her baby is only slightly heavier than my baby and that much older. It was the constant comparison which made me feel like my baby was a giant in a freak show.

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/12/2024 13:02

I was listening to a podcast where Richard Osman said how many people tell him he's tall, as though he was completely unaware of it. Some people are just idiots, OP! If the whole family is bigger built, I'd just say your baby must take after them.

CrotchetyQuaver · 30/12/2024 13:03

@CatkinToadflax I can't stop laughing, your poor boy, I hope he's grown out of looking like Phil Mitchell 😂😂😂

Lifestooshort71 · 30/12/2024 13:03

I think you're being oversensitive. People like to comment when a baby is offered up and, unless he's also got a shock of blonde hair or bright turquoise eyes, this is the most obvious thing they're going to comment on. It sounds as though they were complimentary noises but we don't all respond in the same way so I'd try not to let it get me down.

Pandasnacks · 30/12/2024 13:04

You are being over sensitive, babies are pretty boring so other than size and who they look like there isn’t much else to say about them. I bet the mum of the small baby was more offended. Their comments were unnecessary but that doesn’t mean you aren’t being over sensitive.

Seagullsandsausagerolls · 30/12/2024 13:05

On more than one occasion my rugby player husband was asked was DS real as he was so tiny. Not.quite sure why they thought he was carrying a doll in a car seat 😂 We also had awe I prefer chunky babies.

GreyCarpet · 30/12/2024 13:06

I think you're possibly being a little over sensitive about it.

My daughter was the opposite and was below the 0.4th centile when she was born for length and weight. I was assured she'd 'catch up' bit she never did and is still small at 18 (only takes a size 13.5 shoe for example).

People constantly commented on her size and weight and she was referred for a check up due to unnecessary concerns. She was fine. Just very small!

There's very little to say about other people's babies so size is a big one.

Like a pp said, it's just baby chatter and it's meaningless.

The only time it bothered me was when a complete stranger started shouting abuse at me in Asda about all the things I must have done during pregnancy to result in such a small baby and I wasn't fit to be a mother... but that was my own fault for going to Asda I suppose 😉

Just ignore it.

namechangeGOT · 30/12/2024 13:06

I had exactly the same! But, I was proud of my extra large baby! Mine was 9lb 10oz and 3 weeks early. The very first thing my SIL said to me when she saw him was 'good luck feeding him', I laughed because he was big, he remained big and he still is big. They're just taking about your lovely baby is all!

BarbaraHoward · 30/12/2024 13:06

You're being oversensitive - mine were similarly big at birth and their size was always remarked on positively. I'd say the other mum might've found it hard though as parents of smaller babies often have worries about weight gain etc. You weren't the one who was wronged in the conversation.

ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 13:09

arabicaqueen · 30/12/2024 13:02

I don't mind them noticing my baby is big. I know from his centile charts he's bigger than almost every other baby his age. I wouldn't be offended if DH's cousin (my cousin-in-law?!) posted a similar post complaining about them banging on about the babies' sizes saying that my baby is big and hers is small. I only mentioned as relevant because her baby is only slightly heavier than my baby and that much older. It was the constant comparison which made me feel like my baby was a giant in a freak show.

Show quote history

It was the constant comparison which made me feel like my baby was a giant in a freak show.

This is very much a YOU thing though.

No-one thinks your baby is a giant in a freak show lol.

There have been much bigger babies than yours, is that what you think of them?

Thought not.

Jinglesomeoftheway · 30/12/2024 13:10

I'd be proud and see it as a compliment if I were you!

user23124 · 30/12/2024 13:12

No body wants a skinny baby - your chunky chubster is ideal and they are all telling you this. Don't let body hating woman nonsense affect your feelings for these people who love your baby.

arcticpandas · 30/12/2024 13:13

You're being oversensitive. Surely it was complimentary, everyone loves big babies. I used to hear that I was starving mine because he wasn't very big 😇

ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 13:16

user23124 · 30/12/2024 13:12

No body wants a skinny baby - your chunky chubster is ideal and they are all telling you this. Don't let body hating woman nonsense affect your feelings for these people who love your baby.

No body wants a skinny baby

What sort of body shaming nonsense is that? 😳

My middle DS went full-term and was born at just over 5lbs.

He was very much 'wanted' thanks.

Pinkstuffs · 30/12/2024 13:19

@GreyCarpet i have a tiny baby too and people are always commenting. They always try and give me advice on how to fatten him up even though he’s just small all over. The worst was the consultant in hospital who came to check him over and started telling me I shouldn’t have smoked or had energy drinks in my pregnancy. I was outraged and so was DH who immediately pointed out I have never smoked and hadn’t even had a cup of coffee during pregnancy!

Carrotsandgrapes · 30/12/2024 13:21

People are complimenting you and the baby when they comment on how big he is. Generally a big baby looks, hearty, healthy, strong and resilient. And extra cuddly!

This was probably much worse for the parents of the smaller baby.

I never comment on size if the baby is noticeably smaller than average. I have a couple of friends who had small, premature babies, and know they found it quite upsetting when people commented on how small their baby is, even months and months after the birth.

Gliblet · 30/12/2024 13:21

We had this all the time. Even now DS, at 12, is taller than me and people assume he's a good few years older than he is.

When you show or hand someone your baby they feel obliged to comment on something and given that most of them are pretty unremarkable to anyone other than its parents (and grandparents usually) a comment on the baby's size is a safer bet than 'yep. Definitely a baby. Do you want it back or what?'

teatoast8 · 30/12/2024 13:21

Pandasnacks · 30/12/2024 13:04

You are being over sensitive, babies are pretty boring so other than size and who they look like there isn’t much else to say about them. I bet the mum of the small baby was more offended. Their comments were unnecessary but that doesn’t mean you aren’t being over sensitive.

I don't get offended when people say my babies small so I doubt she was offended

Fargo79 · 30/12/2024 13:22

user23124 · 30/12/2024 13:12

No body wants a skinny baby - your chunky chubster is ideal and they are all telling you this. Don't let body hating woman nonsense affect your feelings for these people who love your baby.

What the fuck. Can't literal newborns exist without being criticised for their appearance now?

teatoast8 · 30/12/2024 13:22

user23124 · 30/12/2024 13:12

No body wants a skinny baby - your chunky chubster is ideal and they are all telling you this. Don't let body hating woman nonsense affect your feelings for these people who love your baby.

Erm, my daughter is skinny and small for her age and very much wanted thanks.

teatoast8 · 30/12/2024 13:24

Carrotsandgrapes · 30/12/2024 13:21

People are complimenting you and the baby when they comment on how big he is. Generally a big baby looks, hearty, healthy, strong and resilient. And extra cuddly!

This was probably much worse for the parents of the smaller baby.

I never comment on size if the baby is noticeably smaller than average. I have a couple of friends who had small, premature babies, and know they found it quite upsetting when people commented on how small their baby is, even months and months after the birth.

Nope I'm not offended in having a small baby. She's still very much cuddly.

Pinkstuffs · 30/12/2024 13:24

user23124 · 30/12/2024 13:12

No body wants a skinny baby - your chunky chubster is ideal and they are all telling you this. Don't let body hating woman nonsense affect your feelings for these people who love your baby.

I’ve got a skinny baby and he’s very much wanted! What an insensitive comment.

GroovyChick87 · 30/12/2024 13:25

They're just making conversation and don't mean it negatively. You're being over sensitive.