Can't help but be jealous

[Lemon92]

Im a single parent to one DD, she is nearly 5. Love her to bits but I do long for another DC and she wants a sibling too, she is always asking for one and she would love the company of a sibling. My Dfriend of many years is a single parent and has a 6 yr old, 3 yr old and a very new newborn. She is not with the girls father but she does go back with him to get pregnant so they all have the same dad and then they seperate when she gets the positive test. I can't help but be jealous in a way as I wish for more DC but I can't see it happening. I'm late 20s. Anyone know how I can get past this feeling?

I know she has had some bad experiences in her previous job 6 years ago

I suspect she was the bad experience lol. The last person we had at my workplace that had a “poor me they were so mean” attitude ended up being bonkers and punching a coworker at ours.

If you're daughter is currently 5 she would be at least six by the time her sibling is born, that's quite a gap and I don't think they would be as close friends as you think. Also if like your friends situation there is no father around , then she may actually resent this new sibling who is taking pretty much all your attention and time

Bad experience like having to actually work.

Surely this is a wind up.

No one could honestly think the situation being described as the friend is in anyway a positive or desirable situation.

Just on the off chance that this is real then you absolutely need new friends and raise your expectations

Definitely not a wind up. It’s just the seeing her with her 3 girls all close in age and they’re all cuddling with the new baby. everyone commenting how blessed and what a beautiful family they are. I would love another child and I suppose just jealous that it’s not that simple

Aspirational.

@Lemon92 I don’t know how to ask this in a nice way, but who are these “everyone” that keep complimenting this situation? Is what she’s doing a normal/acceptable thing in your circle? Maybe that’s the issue.

Whats going to happen to her kids once they grow up and she doesn’t have gov money to keep her going? My WP had a mother like that and she pretty much left them to fend for themselves once it dried up.

This genuinely made me guffaw.

It's that simple because she has low standards.

Oh, for goodness sake. You’ve described an absolute shitshow. If you’re ’jealous’ of this, you really need to self reflect. Because what the actual fuck?!

You’re in your 20’s. There is absolutely no reason you can’t have another child. Stop being ridiculous and go live your life.

This.

For god's sake, they are people, not dolls. Do you think being born into that dysfunctional, disadvantaged shitshow is positive or healthy?

It's antisocial and they'll probably just perpetuate the toxic cycle. I despair sometimes.

No I don’t know anyone else in that situation. Just her family etc saying it

I don’t think what your friend does is ideal, but they are adults and have made their choices. You could in theory go out and find a ‘sperm donor’ if you’re desperate for another child and don’t care about being a single parent…it wouldn’t be my choice though.

@RogueFemale I hated not having a father, mother / normal family. And just being this miserably small 'family unit'. It was lonely and horrible.

Why the actual fuck would you come on here and say something like that when you know full well that there's widows on here (like myself) who had no option of having a subsequent children due to their husbands DYING.

How unbelievably nasty of you to hurt & make to feel guilty, hundreds of mothers, if not thousands just to make a point. Breathtakingly thoughtless & selfish

Where did OP say she was on benefits!?

@VegTrug you’re reaching

Have you thought about fostering you get
£1400 a month and a ton of hardworking/ satisfaction
I used to foster years ago and I’d love to do it again

That seems like a very strange situation to be envious of. Seems utterly irresponsible too.

I'm not 'reaching' for anything. Mentioning a family set up that many, many people find themselves in after a death and saying "it was miserable" is no different than someone saying "my parents were two gay men/two women/disabled and it was miserable" - none of which would be tolerated.

I think a lot of you are intentionally missing OP's point. I read it that she's not saying she's envious of the 'getting back with an ex in order to get pregnant so she doesn't have to work' aspect. It's the having 3 siblings so close together and not having to go through the 'dating whilst a single parent' minefield, then once you’ve finally met someone, dating them for a year before introducing them to current DC then building the relationship long enough to reach the stage of starting to try for a baby etc etc’ in order to be able to achieve another child. I can totally relate to this feeling of wishing I could have another DC without having to go through all of that. I am however, not envious of OP’s friend!

I'm a widowed single parent and dating when your DC doesn't go to their other parent X days per week and is therefore with you every single day, is a lot tougher than it sounds.

I bet the friend's setup isn't that unusual considering the stigma that comes with having kids with different dads.

OP read what everyone is saying here. The life of your friend and her children is not enviable my any right thinking person's standards. Concentrate on giving you and your daughter the best possible life you can. You are still young and will be a much more attractive option to a decent fella if you have your shit together without a whole brood and some POS ex waiting on the sidelines.

Yes but anyone can get themselves knocked up by some loser...that's hardly an achievement or very difficult.

Waiting to meet a decent man to potentially have another child with is of course much harder and takes longer...but is the better option.

If the op lowered her standards enough she took can achieve the remarkable feat of getting pregnant by a useless bloke

@VegTrug I’ve also become a single parent after being widowed and yet nothing that the PP said was some personal offence against single parents, she just shared her experience and what it felt like to her.

Personally, my DD enjoys being an only child. If anything she’d be pissed off to share the spotlight.

I was worried for a while but having siblings is no guarantee they’ll get along and frankly my most successful friends are all coincidentally only children. Only children develop their own ways of dealing with it, it’s not the end of the world. Certainly better than multiple children with a struggling single parent.

Ok, but you're definitely reaching

I know - it sounds like the animal kingdom not the real world. Not the best role model 😳.