Why get married?

[Needmynailsdone]

So have been with my partner 16 years. Childhood sweethearts, 2 kids under 2, early 30s. I see a lot of discourse online about why we should be married and why it’s stupid to have kids with someone you’re not married to, but aside from pension / life insurance stuff (which I’m the nominated beneficiary for), I don’t really understand the need. We both quite like the idea of it, it’s just generally not come up yet as we’ve been busy travelling, working on our careers and now the babies. What were your reasons for wanting to get married?

I wanted to make that commitment legal and in front of friends and family - plus wanted the celebration of a wedding and wanting to create a new family identity together. Also just the practicality of protecting yourself - you’ve got kids, it is daft not to be married to be honest.

We bought our flat together first which genuinely felt like more of a commitment.

I just wanted a legal contract, it's the only reason I did it, no regrets.

It's a legal contract to protect you and the children.

So you're just a girlfriend then.

What rights would you have as a girlfriend, say he's hospitalised ?

If you are committed then it is quite a good way to show it and have any rights that go along with it. No need fir a big family do

It’s a legal contract that protects both parties if things go wrong. It might not seem necessary when you both earn well but illness/accident can strike at any time. I started married life as the higher earner, 11 years later I don’t work due to burn out. It can happen to anyone.

We got married last month, been together 13 years, no children. The government have targeted farmers for inheritance tax changes, we think families will be next and being married gas benefits by allowing estates to pass between spouses with a lower tax burden. That might change in the future so we wanted to be prepared. Also next of kin is simpler (didn't want estranged sibling being consulted).
Plus we love each other!

Inheritance tax

It’s a commitment to be together and I think it can be stability for the children. Just a personal opinion, but people tend to work at a marriage more than if they are just living together. You also have more rights in terms of children, money, housing etc if something goes wrong .

Sure but protect us how? If the financial stuff is already taken care of? Genuinely not being controversial here, come from a family that don’t seem to value marriage - parents and extended family aren’t married for the most part.

You have more rights if he dies, if you are hospitalised, if you spilt up, if he withholds money from you. Not every relationship lasts or is harmonious.

Okay; this makes sense!

Okay, this makes total sense. Thanks!

Also inheritance tax! We we're together 15 yrs, realised our jointly owned home has increased in value.

All the time everything is going swimmingly, it doesn’t matter.

When the 💩 hits the fan, it can be extremely important, especially if you, as a mother, would be expected to take on any additional caring responsibilities that might arise.

For me it feels more secure, if we have an argument I think to myself well we aren’t going to divorce over something as silly as this and we work it and move on.

Financially for me marriage has been the best thing I could have done but this was secondary to the security/commitment aspect.
I like that my DH wanted to marry me, he chose me and I chose him and we wanted to show our friends and family our commitment.

Because If you separate and he changes the financial stuff then you haven't a leg to stand on being unmarried. While if married you are legally entitled to a share.

You don't have to marry. A civil partnership bestows the same legal rights I believe. Was discussing this very thing with DD now she and her DP have a DC.

Well he can nominate anyone as his next of kin/contact so that’s not relevant. Being married doesn’t give you any legal rights in a medical situation, you need to hold power of attorney for that.

How are your finances? If you are fairly equally balanced in terms of income/assets then it’s less beneficial to get married. However if you have sacrificed income/career progress to raise kids, or the house is in his sole name, or he is a much bigger earner then marriage can give you some financial protection if you were to split.

Marriage would mean you automatically inherit from each other so if you aren’t going to marry, it’s worth making sure you both have decent wills in place.

Being married reduces inheritance tax for your kids if you are likely to have significant assets to pass on.

Legal protection for me and the kids.

Legal contract covers my rights and my DC’s rights easily and conveniently. DH is a good egg but it’s just sensible, you never know how things are going to turn out and how someone behaves when they love you may be very different to how they behave when they stop loving you. The women on mumsnet who have had painful divorces and then has to fight an ex husband and farther for every penny to support their kids are probably the experts here.

Having said that there are probably a few women who were relived they never married and it made it easier to cut and run when needed.

If your not married and your property is in your partners name only you would have little claim on it. As a married person you are entitled to 50/50 as a starting point should you separate.
If you are richer than your partner as a women this doesn't matter but being a stay at home parent and not married makes you vulnerable.

It's hard to see the benefit when all is well, but life doesn't always run smoothly.
Inheritance tax is a good reason.
Being his next of kin, having a say in when to turn off his life support.
Imagine you become ill and unable to work and he finds it all a bit much after a while and leaves you.
It just means that your lives are truly shared.

Thanks everyone, mortgage and earnings pretty much equal. I earn slightly more currently. Interesting to hear your perspectives - as pp have said, can’t imagine him being horrible but if circumstances change, good to have that protection.

You get certain rights as a married couple - particularly if you break up - which you don’t get as an unmarried couple.

This is particularly relevant if you have children - did you take time off work for maternity leave? If so, was part of it unpaid, or statutory pay only? Were your pension contributions paused or reduced in that time?

Did either of you ever work part time in order to look after children, or give up opportunities for career advancement because they weren’t compatible with looking after children and / or your partner’s job?

Are you co-owners of your home? If not do you have a legal agreement in place covering what happens to the home if you split?

These questions are all indicative of scenarios which might arise in which you have better legal and financial protection if you’re married than if you’re not.

There are social / romantic / personal reasons for marrying too of course, but only you know if those apply to you. But I would encourage any woman with children to consider whether decisions made for your family have reduced your earning potential or actual income, because if so marriage can be an important form of protection.