Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NHS workers help!

60 replies

harlacem0507 · 28/12/2024 18:19

Cut a long story short my husband broke his collarbone 3 days before Christmas playing football. He's got his arm in a sling, in absolute agony, sleeping in a chair and on pain meds. We have 3 children, 10,8 and 18 months. Basically he can't do anything for them especially the baby, he can't pick her up to put her into a highchair, put her down for a nap, get her up from a nap, change her nappy, nothing. Not his fault at all, my issue here is my work. I am a part time nurse on a ward and for the last 3 shifts I've had to go in late (8:30am rather than 7am) or leave early (5pm rather than 7.30pm) all due to the baby needing breakfast/dinner/bedtime etc, during the day his mum or mine help him but it's not always possible as they both work too and I'm not happy asking my 10 year old to do all this extra work. Work are now getting fed up saying I can't keep going in late or leave early as it's leaving the ward short (I totally understand) but unfortunately I have no carers or annual leave left to take and I'm honestly stumped at what to do. My manager said to talk to her next week but has anyone got any experience with this? One nurse told me to go off sick but I'm not the one who's ill, however, I can't manage it all? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

OP posts:
MrsGnome · 28/12/2024 18:23

Can you use parental leave? In my NHS trust we get one week paid per year (per child). It does usually have to be booked in advance but my manager has approved this the week before I've used it.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:25

Can you hire someone to cover at home for those few hours?

Original poster
harlacem0507 · 28/12/2024 18:26

MrsGnome · 28/12/2024 18:23

Can you use parental leave? In my NHS trust we get one week paid per year (per child). It does usually have to be booked in advance but my manager has approved this the week before I've used it.

I think that might be the same as carers leave but that's more emergency isn't it? I took one day the day after it happened as we were in a&e all night, but I'll definitely ask, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
harlacem0507 · 28/12/2024 18:26

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:25

Can you hire someone to cover at home for those few hours?

Would love to but it's no lie what they say about nurses jobs being low paid!

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:30

harlacem0507 · 28/12/2024 18:26

Would love to but it's no lie what they say about nurses jobs being low paid!

Show quote history

Right but you’ll be in this position for about 6-10 weeks. An additional week of leave is only a short term fix and may have you worse off if it’s unpaid.

Your husband will be there while this person is in so you’ll be able to build up a routine and trust for when he’s ok to go back to work (assuming he’s not in a manual job).

Anothercoffeeafter3 · 28/12/2024 18:30

Can he not manage to do some of it. So say make breakfast but feed the baby on the corner of the couch or a kitchen chair. At 18 months DS would have loved finger food picnics with daddy. It doesn't need to be perfect you just need to survive the next few weeks especially since it's half term so no school run etc

You could precook things he can microwave for the older two tho at 10 the oldest would likely enjoy helping dad put something in the air fryer or make a pot noodle.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:32

I think you are going to have to rely on the older kids now even if it’s not ideal. The can do a lot under dad’s supervision.

titchy · 28/12/2024 18:37

Why can't he pick her up with his good arm wrapped round her? Yes it's awkward, but I'd imagine one armed parents manage. And he has two older 'helpers' who can distract at nappy change times while he wipes her and puts a new nappy on. I bet you'd manage somehow OP if you'd broken your arm....

MrsGnome · 28/12/2024 18:37

@saltinesandcoffeecups Parental leave is different from carers leave. It has to be pre booked and can only be taken in week blocks (except unless approved by a manager). I used to work P/T in community so a full week was the 2 days I worked. Now I'm in acute nursing so a week would be my full 3 shifts (or 4 if my 4 day week).

In these circumstances my manager would likely approve it today meaning I could start it next week. I hope you get it sorted.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:38

titchy · 28/12/2024 18:37

Why can't he pick her up with his good arm wrapped round her? Yes it's awkward, but I'd imagine one armed parents manage. And he has two older 'helpers' who can distract at nappy change times while he wipes her and puts a new nappy on. I bet you'd manage somehow OP if you'd broken your arm....

I’m assuming pain is a big factor here. I’ve never had one but have known a few people who have broken their collarbone… it’s agony by all accounts

QuestionableMouse · 28/12/2024 18:43

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/12/2024 18:38

I’m assuming pain is a big factor here. I’ve never had one but have known a few people who have broken their collarbone… it’s agony by all accounts

Show quote history

It really is! I had a lifting restriction too. Can't remember what it was exactly but I wasn't allowed to life anything (with either arm)

Whaleandsnail6 · 28/12/2024 18:53

I think hes just going to have to muddle as much as he can, even if that means help from other kids and doing things not as usual eg not using high chair, lo missing baths ect. This level of pain shouldn't stay this high for too long so hopefully he will be able to manage one handed in a week or so to do more things.

Either that or you will have to have a chat with manager about either going off sick or taking parental leave. You dont really have an option if dh really cant manage and you leaving early/coming in late is causing staffing issues, you cant be in 2 places at once!

AndSoFinally · 28/12/2024 19:02

Just to add, parental leave is a statutory right, so you will be allowed it but your employer can ask you to alter dates (although there would be no point in your case)

It's 2 weeks per year per child so you could have 6 weeks. You get a max of 18 weeks per child.

It's unpaid. You could also ask for short notice annual leave if you have any left.

Or you can take sick leave due to the stress of the situation, but that's not ideal and would be a bit of a stretch

Your manager is likely to be somewhat pragmatic as you'll have to be off one way or another if you don't have any other options so they may as well help you out

Coolblur · 28/12/2024 19:25

Can you ask for a temporary change to your working hours while he's physically unable to help? I'm not NHS but I work shifts, this is what I did when DH broke his hand. Dayshifts only is not a 'thing' at my workplace, but It was that or I'd have had to take weeks off to care for DS (about 18 months old at the time).

Original poster
harlacem0507 · 28/12/2024 19:30

Yes unfortunately he can't use his right 'good' arm as it pulls on his left side (he's left handed typical) he has tried to do a few things around the house as he feels so guilty but I can see he's in absolute agony and I can't make him do it. I've never heard of parental leave I'll mention that to her next week.

Yes I was hoping someone here would say the NHS can alter a persons shifts due to unique circumstances like this but this doesn't seem to be so far x

OP posts:
Mountainhowl · 28/12/2024 19:31

Doesn't the NHS have really good leave policies? My mum was on full pay for 6 months then half pay when my dad was dying from cancer

Onemoret1me · 28/12/2024 19:35

Could you put in a temporary flexible work request to alter your hours for the next 6 weeks or so (possibly taking reduced pay if you couldn’t fit your normal hours in somewhere) They should consider all flexible work requests

Starzinsky · 28/12/2024 19:36

Take unpaid leave or find a baby sitter.

Heyheyitsanotherday · 28/12/2024 19:39

I’d go off sick. Nothing you else you can do. Hopefully it won’t be for too long cx

yodog · 28/12/2024 19:42

Just go off sick so your covered. surely whilst your working you'd be super stressed anyway worrying about what's going on at home.

BlueSilverCats · 28/12/2024 19:51

Which would be easier for your DH to manage , especially if you drop some standards? Mornings or evenings?

I'd ask if you could go in late and leave later. Would any of your colleagues be willing adjust their shifts around you as well?

You can do the morning routine, bathe the baby if needed , do breakfast, set everything else up etc. Then your mum or MIL will be around to continue that, is there anything extra they can prep/do? Don't be afraid to ask your 10 yo (and even 8 yo) for help either. Of course, if she's adamant she won't do it you can't force her , but she might be happy to help. Microwave/heat up meals , pass things to him, pick the baby up etc. Also, it won't be the end of the world if you lower standards and some dinners are beans on toast/cereal (even for the baby), or the baby doesn't get a bath every night etc. Main things are safe, clean/changed , fed .

Birdseyetrifle · 28/12/2024 19:56

You go off sick with stress for 2 weeks and by then he should be in less pain.

chipsaway · 28/12/2024 19:59

Can u ask your manager to liaise with HR. They may have already. There should be a flexible working policy within each trust so whether you work more days and shorter times or do the extra hours at another time. My trust alllows us to buy annual leave but unfortunately it’s not cheap

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 28/12/2024 19:59

Speak to your union if you aren’t getting anywhere with your manager

Hye000 · 28/12/2024 20:04

I also work in the NHS as a nurse & my partner had an accident recently, I called work and told them I would need carers leave due to the same issues as you are experiencing. They tried to tell me I had to take AL, I stood my ground and was granted carers/parental leave for two weeks. Take as long as you are able to get and worry about the long term when you have to, at least after a week or so you will have a new routine and able to sort out a way of being able to leave your hubby with the kids and what he is able to do