NHS workers help!

[harlacem0507]

Cut a long story short my husband broke his collarbone 3 days before Christmas playing football. He's got his arm in a sling, in absolute agony, sleeping in a chair and on pain meds. We have 3 children, 10,8 and 18 months. Basically he can't do anything for them especially the baby, he can't pick her up to put her into a highchair, put her down for a nap, get her up from a nap, change her nappy, nothing. Not his fault at all, my issue here is my work. I am a part time nurse on a ward and for the last 3 shifts I've had to go in late (8:30am rather than 7am) or leave early (5pm rather than 7.30pm) all due to the baby needing breakfast/dinner/bedtime etc, during the day his mum or mine help him but it's not always possible as they both work too and I'm not happy asking my 10 year old to do all this extra work. Work are now getting fed up saying I can't keep going in late or leave early as it's leaving the ward short (I totally understand) but unfortunately I have no carers or annual leave left to take and I'm honestly stumped at what to do. My manager said to talk to her next week but has anyone got any experience with this? One nurse told me to go off sick but I'm not the one who's ill, however, I can't manage it all? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

You sound very stressed, potentially too stressed to be at work. That would be sick leave.

Also I’ve broken my clavicle, and I was able to do a reasonable amount of my other arm. I appreciate that all fractures are different. Is he taking appropriate analgesia?

I wouldn't go off sick, that can land you in hot water and create bad feeling.

Carers leave I believe is 5 days paid per year mostly. Check your Trust's annual leave and special leave policy.

Parental leave which is unpaid is a statutory right. Check your Trust's policy but make sure it tallies up with what is on www.gov.uk. If it doesn't ask HR why.

Ultimately have the discussion with your line manager and ask for flexibility around shift patterns and put across the urgency of the matter.

OP this sounds hard, my DS 21 broke his collarbone badly in a ski accident and was in bed unable to even sit up or move for 4 days. He was in agony and still in pain medication 2 weeks later. After x-rays it was bordering on surgery.

All I'd say is it took him a good 5 weeks to be able to drive safely and about 12 weeks to feel stable and able to lift.

So it's a long recovery for sure, so whatever you do is be trying to think long term here.

What is your DHs job? Is there any insurance or income to pay for some help?

Carers leave I believe is 5 days paid per year mostly. Check your Trust's annual leave and special leave policy. I think this is very trust dependent, as definitely not the case in some trusts I've worked in.
Talk to your manager / Human Resources. You might be able to negotiate flexible working or unpaid leave. Failing that you ask for unpaid parental leave.

You are not sick so of course you can't call in sick. Your union can advice you on your options.

Of course your 10 yo can do some extra help. She will do fine.

Any friends? Family? Babysitter? Children's friends? Neighbours?

We have helped out then a family in our daughter's class had a situation like yours. Do try to ask around.

You can be signed off by your GP too to look after him. One of my colleagues did it as his wife required surgery and needed him at home (we’re nhs too and on wards)

Have you got any annual leave left? Take 2h each day you need cover at a specific time etc

I don't work for NHS but even though it leaves the ward short etc, that doesn't mean that employees are not people and don't have their own stuff going on. Pretty shit leadership if they can't accommodate later starts / earlier finishes to help you with childcare. Pretty sure there's some ACAS guidance on that somewhere.

I certainly wouldn't leave DH caring for 18m old on his own in the early stages as he may not be able to react fast to baby emergencies. They're like little drunks at that age wobbling about, running in to tables

This is one of the reasons Imdespair of the NHS. It is surely better to have you working shorter hours than not at all. The alternative is you have to be signed off for non work related stress and anxiety. Also you are one if their own, why the heck isn't someone phoning to orthopaedics to make.sure your dh is getting optimal advice to get the family back on its feet so you are back at work asap for the benefit of as many patients as possible.

I don't worry when our mum's are there but when I know they have left and I've got say 2 hours til I get home and he's alone with them I do worry in case he needs help but I'm trying to do the right thing by everyone but it's just not working.

Can you move to nights. You can get them ready for bed before you leave and sort out Mornings until help arrives then go to bed

Great suggestion if OP's role involves night shifts.

Great idea in theory but my baby is not always a great sleeper and sometimes needs picking up and comforting, again, a bloody big problem with me not there, it's just a nightmare.

I'm hopeful about the flexible working, I'll ask my manager if that could work temporarily until he's more mobile.

I agree, I've gone in each shift, granted a couple of hours less either way but they have floated the idea of me going off sick instead which makes zero sense to the ward as they might not even get cover.

@harlacem0507 could he safely co sleep with the baby? And if you do go to nights, you need to factor in enough time to sleep in the day, without stressing or helping out.

You should ask to speak to your line manager/matron. Explain that you need to adjust your hours due to your current circumstances.
if you start late without informing your team, they will be annoyed with you as they will have to take the handover and cover your patients until you turn up.
A reasonable line manager will support you through this temporary and difficult time.

I do not think you can and should rely on your 10 year old. This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Exactly that it's too much pressure for a 10 year old to help care for a baby. As others have pointed out my partner cannot run or rush to stop the baby doing something dangerous and it's not fair to expect my 10 year old to take that responsibility.

Yeah I mean I would never just turn up late I've said I need to come in later for the reasons explained and they had replied with you can't keep doing this, which again I do understand where they are coming from but I'm trying my best here, trying to look after my family and not totally dropping them in it at work especially with half the wards shut with flu at the moment.

Go off sick, I know a few nurses who have done this, it's your only option really.

Don't go off sick unless you have a fit note. So you can go to GP and say you're stressed and get one. You also have to consider how long this will last for him? Ie how long will you be off work? Could you get mums to cover a longer day and work part-time temporarily but at least cover a full shift ?

A broken arm is set in a cast and is unlikely to be painful quite quickly. A broken collarbone in an adult is really painful the first couple weeks and isn't set. Any movement of the arms hurts.

Work need to understand surely?? Shorter days for a few weeks seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Can you make some adjustments at home to help him manage without lifting the 18 month old? Put mattress on floor for naps, stop using high chair and instead have little toddler chair and table, changing mat on floor for nappy changes etc? All not ideal I appreciate but maybe workable short term

Just be mindful, this could trigger sickness management policy. If you are found to be lying it could have implications for your registration. Should you wish to change jobs your sickness record might be scrutinised by the prospective employer. I would tread carefully on sickness route

You need to set your priorities right whatever you feel they should be. Please be mindful if you arrive late, miss part of vital handover and make a clinical mistake it could have serious professional implications. I really do think you need to ask for unpaid parental leave ASAP.

Further to earlier message... unless your manager agrees to redeploy you elsewhere with 9-5 hours

Load of rubbish. If OP goes off sick with stress (this is a stressful situation right) then she would not be lying. I have been a Nurse for 30 years and have never known sick leave authorised by a GP to have implications on your registration. I have also had a fair few absences over the last few years and applied for a new post, it wasn't even mentioned or questioned.

GP authorised sickness should be fine. Saying this, they have really tightened the rules in my Trust. For example you can no longer do Bank if your attendance falls below 95%. I recently looked at a job at another Trust. Their recruitment document says if you have been on sickness management policy in the previous 2 years you will have to be cleared by their Occupational Health should you be offered the job

It's tricky, but I'm not sure the answer to every broken collarbone it for two adults to stop work for 10 weeks, is that something you would really expect OP? BIL looked after DN with a broken collarbone, which wasn't easy for him at all, but painkillers helped. He would have the meals set up by DSis, and just kept things simple, playing in the bedroom as there were fewer hazards etc. He had occasional family visits to get a break, went to church playgroup where everyone made a huge fuss, organised playdates so a spare mum or dad was on hand, he found quite a lot of creative solutions. I wouldn't worry about the 10yo doing the odd nappy change nor a spot of playing with the little one, they are old enough for some responsibility and he is still there to supervise. Do either of you have parents or siblings who could drop in from time to time?