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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL inviting herself on our holidays

88 replies

BraidedBrunette · 28/12/2024 12:08

DH and I took MIL on holiday to Croatia for a big birthday this year. We had a good time but her and DH had some friction and I could tell he was drained by the end. Nothing happened or was said but we were sharing a 2 bed villa and living on top of each other.

We get on well with MIL, had a good time, but we were happy to be back at home the two of us. We aren’t particularly close though, we speak about once every 2 or 3 weeks.

Anyway, she has since asked what holidays we are going on soon and told us she will tag along. DH was quite obviously not keen and she commented on that. She was more telling us, not asking. We laughed it off and she’s emailed us images of a resort in Portugal and asked what we think. She won’t let it go.

DH hasn’t replied yet but said he wants to call her and explain we like being a couple on holiday and he doesn’t want her joining. Is this a bad thing to do? I’m torn between it’s his mum and the fact I think her asking was cheeky and then to follow up with options after saying DH clearly wasn’t keen? It’s a lot of pressure and she is forcing him into spelling it out and feeling bad about it.

OP posts:

JohnTheRevelator · 03/01/2025 00:03

Nip it in the bud ASAP! I have a friend who was in a similar situation,MIL went on one holiday with them then assumed it was a given that she went every year with them from then on. My friend and her DP didn't put her straight and ended up with her going on holiday with them for the next 10 years. From what my friend says,she was an absolute pain in the arse the whole time. It was only when the pandemic hit that they managed to break the cycle.

LondonLawyer · 03/01/2025 01:59

MyDeftDuck · 02/01/2025 07:42

Do not tell her any of your holiday plans....she will only keep inviting herself or hijacking your plans.
It is nice that you took her away for a big birthday but she seems to now think she is invited to all your short breaks, holidays etc.
Nip this in the bud NOW or you will be taking her away with you every single time!

For what it's worth, I am a MIL but would not contemplate joining any of my AC's families for a holiday.

Why not contemplate it, if you all wanted to and it seemed a good idea? I went somewhere once with my Mum, then-boyfriend and his Mum, all was well. I went once with both his parents and him. My parents came abroad with us once, my Mum twice (with DH, me and our sons) and last year Mum and I took both boys away for a week. All were fabulous. There's nothing wrong with it, if you all fancy it.

2Rebecca · 03/01/2025 07:49

Mil and partner could get the eurotunnel/ ferry then train and visit all sorts of places. They choose not to. With a 25 year old daughter she's not that old and if she wants to go abroad needs to find friends or go with saga or one of the many activity holidays for singles

notatinydancer · 03/01/2025 08:06

Can you do a long weekend with her somewhere ?
It's cheeky to invite herself.

2Rebecca · 03/01/2025 09:16

She has a partner. She can do a long weekend with him. I don't need my adult children to spend long weekends with me, they can visit me when they have time and I them but they go on long weekends with their boyfriends/ girlfriends and I go away with my husband. This isn't a frail old lady on her own.

laraitopbanana · 03/01/2025 18:51

Mil are a all new world loool

my sympathies to this one whom is about to be put aside if she carries on pushing in.

He should absolutely tell him « no for this time » and not telling her no more about holidays destination/dates/hotels…etc.

gardenflowergirl · 03/01/2025 19:38

Just say you'd like your holidays to be romantic and that doesn't work with another person there.

PinkCandles · 04/01/2025 01:13

Bogginsthe3rd · 28/12/2024 12:17

Could you compromise and only book a double room in an otherwise sold out resort but let her share the bed ?

😁Would the mil sleep between them? I think that's the best idea yet and will try and do that with my dc if they get partners in future.

Bodybutterblusher · 04/01/2025 01:15

You have to let him do what he thinks best with his mother.

Doubledenim305 · 04/01/2025 04:50

Just avoid talking about it at all - be vague and go on your holiday. Let her know Ur away last minute.
If you say what Ur planning she will work her way into that plan.
U don't always have to answer people if you don't want to. And avoids confrontation.

Mary46 · 04/01/2025 10:15

Keep it vague. We only announce hols at last minute for this reason. Causes too much stress and moods otherwise.

pipthomson · 04/01/2025 14:13

What would you tell yourself to do ?sounds like “people-pleasing “which fuels resentment
better to be direct about your intentions
maybe you need to nip this in the bud
you will feel better once you have cleared this up
if they won’t accept or appreciate your position maybe time for a re think

saraclara · 04/01/2025 14:22

To very slightly change a pp's suggestion in response to her message and suggested destinations:
“We really enjoyed the one-off holiday with you for your special birthday this year, but next year we are planning to have a holiday just the two of us.”

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