AIBU to think that this might be the end of Bridezilla-style weddings? [Contains spoiler for the Gavin & Stacey Christmas special - added by MNHQ]

[BarkLife]

In 1965 (bear with me!) A Charlie Brown Christmas was broadcast on US TV. It featured a rather anaemic-looking real Christmas tree. Sales of 'fake' trees plummeted in the USA.

Watching the Gavin and Stacey Christmas episode, alongside over 12 million others, I wondered if perhaps a similar fate might befall extremely 'showy' Instaweddings. Given that Smithy's jilted bride is now the most reviled person in the UK, might people now opt for karaoke and close friends/family Smithy-and-Nessa style, instead of a Bridezilla-ish 'big do'?

I clicked on the thread because there was absolutely no indication it was about Gavin and Stacey. Without having seen the episode yet how would I know a thread titled ‘AIBU to think that this might be the end of Bridezilla-style weddings?’ would be about it? It wasn’t posted in the TV section and doesn’t mention the show in the title. I wouldn’t have clicked if it had mentioned the show in the title, and have been avoiding the threads which do. That’s why I’m annoyed; because there was no way to know this thread would have spoilers in the opening post until I had clicked and started reading it!

I haven't seen Gavin and Stacey. But I've been to small weddings and bigger ones and from my limited experience, there's no correlation either way. Starting a new life sans a great ugly pile of debt is a big bonus, but it's not a guarantee. Nor does having a huge, splosh affair in front of all of your family and friends offer you a buffer of accountability; you either both want to be married or you don't. My registry office wedding was quite a small one. We invited people to come along wearing whatever they were comfortable in and have fun. My niece's, many years later was bigger in presentation and location (a hotel in a gorgeous setting) but came down to the same thing. She was more dressed-up than me, but her mindset wasn't - we had the same happy, laid-back energy. Money matters and it's naive to think otherwise, but it doesn't override everything else.

Sonia was awful and certainly portrayed as a bridezilla type. But the G&S characters were awful at her hen party. I would be absolutely livid if someone booked a stripper for me! Especially someone on the grooms side who doesn't know me, because if they did they wouldn't in a million years do that to me. (Did they clarify who booked it?) And I would not be OK with someone vaping at the table especially after being told they couldn't vape there.

Ness treated Gwen appallingly all the years and continued to do so. Bryn was also really controlling of Gwen, they acted like she existed just to serve them. Not to mention the awful spoilt brat Stacey.

Thanks a fuck. I've been avoiding G&S threads, and now you've bloody ruined it. I am actually really fucking cross

(Waiting to watch with my husband who is working away)

Your comment sent me into the abyss while I googled sex ratio killings between spouses across countries, ethnicities and socio-economic backgrounds. Not sure what I concluded (gosh there are a lot of doctorate dissertations on this subject). The research I found appeared to indicate that woman spouses murder many fewer than male spouses by a factor of 3 or 4. The outlier appears to be the USA (it's always the good ole USA by a country mile) where male spouses still murder 25% more of the time relative to woman spouses. Is it access to guns do you think?

Note: Before MNs comment that sex ratio murder is actually 95% male to female... yes it is but the key word here is spousal.

The OP is talking about showy Instagram weddings and controlling brides, not big weddings per se but most posts here are focusing on wedding size. Sonia and Smithy didn't have a big wedding at all, I remember commenting to DH that I was surprised they had such a small number there.

I think the point is that the "showy instagram" style of wedding has been around a lot longer than social media. Smithy and Sonias wedding was a fairly standard wedding where I'm from. She was painful getting upset over his shoe colour, and the plate colour, but aside from that, did she really do anything that bad or out of the ordinary? The insta picts at the hen was more on her bridesmaids and friends than her. As others have said, I too would've hated a stripper, and expected the groom and his groomsmen to turn up to their suit fitting! It seems wanting anything "nice" at a wedding these days = bridezilla on mumsnet.

I hate this superiority on MN about having smaller weddings. My wedding was big and expensive and I was still very laid back and we're still married 20 years later so clearly we were in it for the right reasons. There’s nothing wrong with ANY weddings, people choose what they like (and others judge away). I’ve been to small and big weddings and the size has no bearing on how long they’ll last or how real they are.

I really enjoyed this finale, and like most people, disliked Sonia, however I was on her side as regards the 'stripper policeman' at the hen party. I would have been apalled at anyone arranging this for my hen party!(although no hen party at all would have been my choice!)

I didn't really factor insta into my wedding. I wanted to marry my husband. Everything else was just window dressing. Yes, showy weddings have been around longer than social media. SM has served these types very well though.

I do agree that not everything Sonia did or wanted was utterly wrong. I wouldn't have wanted a stripper either and the suits thing was awful, but the way they were set up and handled served to highlight the values dissonance / lack of communication between Sonia and Smithy.

Other things she said and did - her rudeness to Stacey about the hair, being rude to the make up artist, comments about and to Smithy, choosing to have a go about the shoes in public were all part of her keeping up appearances / determination to get married to someone she could control (and who was a good earner) rather than marry someone she loved. Again, the type has always been there, social media just served it.

Oh I forgot the rudeness to Stacey about the hair, shocking! I take it all back, she’s a cow 🤣

I do get you @BarkLife But I disagree. These showy, super-expensive, 'stately home/castle' type weddings that are 12 fucking hours long are not going to stop because of Smithy ditching Sonia at the altar in Gavin and Stacey.

150 or more guests, a 5 day long hen party in Croatia, a £3000 wedding dress, a £5000 engagement ring, a honeymoon in the Caribbean, £1500 on a photographer etc. People do it for show, and to look all big and clever and fancy, and for all the great insta shots and the like!

And I have to say - although it's a cliché - the majority of couples I know who had big fancy showy weddings are now divorced/separated, and the ones who had a tiny wedding that cost as very little (with just 20 or so people) are still together.

Tale as old as time. And not based in myth, but fact. Statistics show that the more you spend on a wedding, the more likely you are to break up and divorce. It's not a GIVEN, but it is more likely. That's just a fact I'm afraid, even if the 'we spent £35K on our wedding and invited 200 people' brigade don't like to hear it.

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Agree. I have no idea what people like @Shabba2025 think was so wrong and "vacuous" about soniais hen - it seemed to be women just going for a meal and taking photos. Hardly excessive or unreasonable, if anything that's very low key for a hen given it was just a restaurant in her home town. I would have cringed at a stripper as well, it doesnt mean I'm not fun, they just seem quite old fashioned.

Why are MNHQ putting spoiler tags in titles for shows that already aired? FFS.

Best stay off the whole internet then. When is acceptable to discuss a programme that aired 4 days ago?

Can you provide any source for these statistics? Because "the people i know" isn't very convincing I'm afraid.

Apart from anything else, "still together" doesn't automatically equal "happy and healthy marriage." Look how many threads are on here where the love and respect has clearly broken down but the woman can't leave because of the kids or because she can't afford it.

Charlie Brown in 1965 probably had a far wider and more devoted audience than Gavin and Stacy in 2024, much as I love the programme. There was much less competition.

I’m not sure I agree. The weddings I went to in the 80s after Charles and Diana’s, including my own, were traditional - hen night not hen holiday, church, couple of bridesmaids, reception in hotel - but not flashy or show offy. I think it was the Beckhams that started the fashion for those, not Charles and Diana.

Just adding she seemed like a nice stepmother to Neil the baby. She looked genuinely touched at the beautiful rendition of blackbird .

i will add someone throwing themselves down the stairs in an effort to break their arm than face the wrath of a girlfriend does not scream healthy relationship

She was looking around to make sure everyone was looking at her.

I would agree.
Plus Charles and Diana had what everyone had at the time - a reception after the ceremony, then they went off on honeymoon. I used to like waving the bride and groom off!
None of this "evening do" and two tiers of guests.

I also think people have more of a disposable income nowadays than people had in the past. As pp have said, a hen do was a night out, the bridesmaids met you at the church, you might go to a hairdresser, but there was no makeup artist.
Ideas have got bigger and fancier and they're planned years in advance.

No. You are absolutely dreaming!

For a start, I don't think any Bridezillas think they are bridezillas! Big weddings aren't necessarily for Instagram - they've been happening for way longer than that. If someone does want to show off on Insta, I don't think one TV programme would change their mind. And I don't think the core Instagramming demographic is really the same and the core Gavin and Stacy viewer.

Anyway, all in all, for many reasons, no.

I got married a year before 4 weddings & a funeral came out, and had to get my choice of column dress made because I couldn't find a dress in a shop that wasn't wider than it was tall.

6 months after the meringue comment, column dresses were everywhere and there wasn't a lacy a bo-peep dress in sight.

So I get that popular culture can kill (or cause) a trend. But I also think there are a significant number of Sonja's in the world who will cling onto the bridezilla wedding for all it's worth. I don't think mumsnetters will be needing to put their popcorn down anytime soon.

A voice of sanity.