AIBU to think that this might be the end of Bridezilla-style weddings? [Contains spoiler for the Gavin & Stacey Christmas special - added by MNHQ]

[BarkLife]

In 1965 (bear with me!) A Charlie Brown Christmas was broadcast on US TV. It featured a rather anaemic-looking real Christmas tree. Sales of 'fake' trees plummeted in the USA.

Watching the Gavin and Stacey Christmas episode, alongside over 12 million others, I wondered if perhaps a similar fate might befall extremely 'showy' Instaweddings. Given that Smithy's jilted bride is now the most reviled person in the UK, might people now opt for karaoke and close friends/family Smithy-and-Nessa style, instead of a Bridezilla-ish 'big do'?

There’s nothing wrong with spending money on a wedding if you wish to do so. It doesn’t make your marriage any less real!

There is also the element of providing hospitality for your guests, which can sometimes get overlooked.

I went to one wedding that was being done on quite a ‘DIY’ basis and unfortunately it was a pretty grim experience as a guest. It was a semi-outdoor wedding with a sort of free-spirit vibe. They were unlucky with the weather but had picked the wrong time of year in the first place. It was cold, wet, muddy and there was no hot food or hot drinks, no entertainment, no comfortable place to sit, no members of staff to ask for anything…To be honest, after being there for twelve hours, I would have preferred a cheap hotel beside a dual carriageway!

Op definitely has a point. It’s not as crass as a tv show changes behaviour but the clever writers have hit on a zeitgeist feeling.

There have always been backlashes to trends in behaviour and the shiny insta world backlash is coming - look at the concern now about people putting their kids online for money.

I wouldn't have wanted Smithy and Nessas wedding. I wouldn't have wanted Smithy and Sonias wedding either. Ours was somewhere in the middle and I certainly don't think I was a Sonia about it or DH a walked over Smithy. I would've married him in the barest bones manner - but we chose not to as we wanted to celebrate and DH has been through hell so standing in front of people affirming our relationship was the right thing for us. We did have a budget though, which I suspect Sonia threw out the window.

I think this is the reality for most people tbh. People will choose what they want and what's right for them according to taste and feeling. That was the point of Smithy and Nessas wedding- it suited them. Gavin & Stacey had a white wedding themselves back in season 1. It suited them. The show is hardly anti white wedding, just the weddings we see go right on the show are usually because the couple is right for each other. (There are 2 altar pull outs and a vow renewal that ends in a fight).

Fwiw I'd also never have a real Christmas tree.

I thought the point was that Smithy is much better suited to Nessa than Sonia. Not in a million years would you put Sonia with Smithy.
The only time you see such relationships is when the ‘Smithy’ is either incredibly wealthy or famous.

It seems nowadays, particularly on this site, if a couple to choose to have any sort of "big wedding" they are automatically only doing it for the gram! "Big weddings" have existed for a long time, far beyond the existence of social media, as have the bridezillas who want their chair ties to match their colour scheme and chooose a particular style of plate to eat from! My parents got married 40 years ago, and had a reception for all their friends and family in a hotel. I'm doing the same but am somehow deemed a bridezilla according to mumsnet for not wanting 12 people down the registry office.

I agree. I know couples who had horrible divorces after both big and small weddings. And long happy marriages after both big and small weddings.

I had a huge wedding. It was brilliant. I definitely wasn't a bridezilla and don't have Instagram.

I think there's a kind of inverse snobbery about big weddings.

I doubt Gavin and Stacey will have much impact. Cost of living might though!

I actually felt slightly sorry for Sonia, awful as she was. I'd have hated a stripper. I'd have been really upset if my DH had missed his fitting because he'd got wasted and fallen asleep in a bath. Nessa totally ripped off that old couple, I don't think she's morally superior to Sonia at all.

I didn't realise that the CB special had that effect. I love that this is your evidence as I ADORE the CB specials.

I wonder thought if these two things are similar enough. Those tinsel/metal tress were a fad as opposed to a longstanding tradition. We've been raising little girls to look forward to "their big day", one in which they can "be a princess" for generations now. "The true meaning" of weddings has largely shifted away from the formal bond the couple are making, on to the celebration and party of it.

I think you might be overestimating global awareness of Gavin and Stacey tbh.

I don't think Sonia was worthy of being reviled.

She and Smithy weren't compatible but that doesn't mean Smithy was good and she was evil. All the characters were flawed. Smithy's behaviour towards Nessa earlier was pretty toxic - sleeping with her but then being rude about her/ denying he had any interest in her because she didn't fit his idea of who he thought he should be with.
Pam, Stacey and Gwen were the ones who were in the wrong at the hen do organising a stripper when a) they barely knew the bride and b) it wasn't something the bride would be comfortable with. They did exactly the same as Sonia did - forcing their idea of the right way to celebrate on someone else.

And Smithy had always pretended to be someone else when he was around Sonia - so it was just as much, if not more, his fault she didn't know the real him.

"The true meaning" of weddings has largely shifted away from the formal bond the couple are making, on to the celebration and party of it.

@dudsville Has it though? Large reception style weddings have been around for a long time! I don't believe that choosing to have immediate family in a registery office means you understand the "true meaning of marriage" more than a couple who has a big celebration!

There's nothing wrong with having a big wedding if you want one. There's nothing inherently "better" about having 3 people at the registry office then off to the pub. It doesn't make your marriage any better if you had a tiny basic wedding or if you had a huge one. Horses for courses.

I think there's a lot of people who got married in the past who would have loved a big fancy wedding but they couldn't afford it and the choice wasnt available so there's a lot of bitterness directed at younger people who want a big fancy wedding with all the trimmings.

It sort of was, OP, since you call them ‘Bridezilla weddings’ and not just ‘expensive weddings’. I’m also not sure anyone aspires to be a ‘bridezilla’ as a cultural trend anyway.

Regardless, I don’t think, comparatively, that many people watch Gavin and Stacey, considering there are 68 million in the UK and 42 million adults. Only a small % of those will be at peak marriage age, and an even smaller % that will then feel influenced by it.

’Big wedding with bad bride gone wrong’ is an age old TV and movie trope anyway.

One episode of a very old BBC series in 2024 in a sea of media including endless channels, tiktok, insta etc. is not going to have the impact of a 1965 TV show when the choice of media consumption was very limited.

Plus many people are economically fucked right now, so smaller weddings would be about so much more than Gavin and Stacey.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I said UK I don't think anyone outside the UK watches G&S. the point about the Charlie Brown Christmas special was that it hit upon a cultural zeitgeist.

I'm not anti-big-weddings, I'm speculating that they might be facing a backlash based on how much stick 'Sonia' is getting

But weddings were different before cohabitation became the norm. They were a step into the unknown and truly the start of a new life and an expression of hope in the future.

People in Ireland watch it too!

And also, Sonia isn't getting stick for having a big wedding. She's getting stick of being painful about minute details nobody apart from herself would notice.

A 'big' wedding isn't necessarily ostentatious or a sign of a highly-strung bride. We got married in a historic setting which had a lot of sentimental meaning to use and didn't compromise in catering for our guests. That turns out quite expensive! I'm not aware that any pictures made it to social media.

It wasn't so much the big wedding per se it was all the 'rules' set by Sonia. I would have reacted in the same way she did at being confronted with a stripper but the glossy friends pouting for Insta looked really stupid. The argument at the altar through gritted teeth at Smithy having the wrong colour shoes and having to change them for the photos said it all.

TheaBrandt

Op definitely has a point. It’s not as crass as a tv show changes behaviour but the clever writers have hit on a zeitgeist feeling.

This is very much what I was thinking (but better put).
It's a bit like the moment in "Four Weddings and a Funeral". Big wedding dresses with hoop skirts etc were probably already on their way out in favour of a simpler, cleaner silhouette, but it was the line "She looks like a meringue" that really encapsulated that trend.

I did notice that as well ! It was so funny about the Insta - bride ! The fashion for huge weddings seemed to increase with Charles and Diana . I remember Paul McCartney and Linda had a very low-key wedding in the 60s . But having said that the huge wedding thing is a whole industry now so I suppose it does provide employment!

The Sonia character is getting stick because the fans wanted Smithy and Nessa to end up together and it looked like Sonia would prevent the happy ending everyone wanted.
The wedding arrangements were irrelevant.

Well thanks for the spoilers! Not everybody has watched the special yet, you could have put a warning before divulging information about the show.

Come on it was on days ago and has been all over everything.

I think if the options you liked best is other people being "wowed" then you're too far down the path of Sonia to understand.

So it was wrong of me to want my guests to have a nice time?