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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a bloody dog!

571 replies

MammaKel · 27/12/2024 16:40

Ugh, I didn't realise how batshit crazy people were about their "furbabies."

We went to a family gathering yesterday where SIL and BIL and their DDog were - they don't have kids, and DDog is their baby but omg.

I could get past the calling each other mummy and daddy, calling my in laws grandma and grandpa and telling my kids he was their fur cousin and showing us pictures of taking him to see " Santa Paws" but there were two instances that genuinely made me cringe a bit ..

We were exchanging gifts, and they asked me where DDogs were, I laughed because I thought they were joking, but nope, totally serious and was upset he'd be left out, so I apologised (for some reason) and moved on very quickly..

The next one was that the dog was getting a bit agitated, and they said he was tired and getting a bit cranky, so they were leaving so he could have a nap..

I'm mostly being light-hearted, and I'm an animal lover (have 4 cats), but I just didn't realise how far it went AIBU or is this just the norm now?

OP posts:
Headinthesand21 · 27/12/2024 18:07

VenusClapTrap · 27/12/2024 16:43

Does seem to be the norm for some dog owners now. I find these people are best avoided.

Why? Why does it matter is someone loves their pets that much? It doesn’t harm you. I think judgmental people are best avoided

MummytoE · 27/12/2024 18:08

Loving your dogs as animals is great, but as soon as your start comparing them to and treating them like humans ( and worse expecting others to as well) then it gets weird

Onceuponatime9 · 27/12/2024 18:08

When I mention I am allergic to dogs & this is the reason I try to avoid them the owners often give me a suspicious look & treat it like a huge insult.

XenoBitch · 27/12/2024 18:08

Housebuyingfamily · 27/12/2024 18:07

You are NOT mum and dad

Show quote history

Why do you think you have the authority on how someone refers to themselves?

Badburyrings · 27/12/2024 18:10

Floralnomad · 27/12/2024 17:02

I don’t know why people equate treating a dog like a family member with badly trained dog . We’ve always treated all of our pets ( including horses) like they are mini family members , they get Christmas / birthday gifts etc but at the same time they’ve always been exercised , trained , fed appropriate food for them etc . It sounds to me like the OPs relatives are taking excellent care of their dog and it harms nobody ( or the dog) if they refer to it as their fur baby . It’s a shame that so many peoples go to is to sneer and be nasty about something that doesn’t even affect them .

Exactly, I agree with this. We refer to ourselves as mummy and daddy with our dog and horse. It makes us smile, sometimes when my very unemotional mother comes over I call her grandma. It's just a bit of fun, we don't have children. However, I do realise she is a dog, and the horse is a horse and others might find them a pain in the arse so behave accordingly around those people. But for us they are the best thing we have. We were not lucky enough to have children but they are not a substitute for that, but they are still family members with feelings and emotions.

MrsJoanDanvers · 27/12/2024 18:10

Floralnomad · 27/12/2024 17:02

I don’t know why people equate treating a dog like a family member with badly trained dog . We’ve always treated all of our pets ( including horses) like they are mini family members , they get Christmas / birthday gifts etc but at the same time they’ve always been exercised , trained , fed appropriate food for them etc . It sounds to me like the OPs relatives are taking excellent care of their dog and it harms nobody ( or the dog) if they refer to it as their fur baby . It’s a shame that so many peoples go to is to sneer and be nasty about something that doesn’t even affect them .

Do you never get the pick about anything? Or something makes you cringe? Sure, it might not affect your life but most comedy is pointing out the absurd.

Jifmicroliquid · 27/12/2024 18:12

Housebuyingfamily · 27/12/2024 18:07

You are NOT mum and dad

Show quote history

They can call themselves King and Queen if they like, it’s got nothing to do with anyone else what they refer to themselves as.

Snowballsarelush · 27/12/2024 18:13

I think it's really sad when people go down this route. They really are setting themselves up for major heartache.

One day you may have to make the decision to put your furbaby to sleep for their own good. They can get injured, sick, bite someone, get into accidents. The average life span of a dog is 10-13 years (obviously some will live longer but this is the average).

Its great to love and care for your pets but it's very unhealthy to go down this route as a society. People who do this really can't see it as they only see what need it's serving for them but it's not psychologically healthy.

I've had dogs for years. They were beloved family pets but definitely not fur babies.

PrincessSakura · 27/12/2024 18:14

Madness! I’ve always wrapped up a gift for my own pets just for fun but I would never expect someone else to get him anything, I get that they are devoted to him but it’s just a bit much!

XenoBitch · 27/12/2024 18:15

MrsJoanDanvers · 27/12/2024 18:10

Do you never get the pick about anything? Or something makes you cringe? Sure, it might not affect your life but most comedy is pointing out the absurd.

Show quote history

For sure. But I am one of those insufferable "furbaby" types... and someone pointing out to me that it is wrong, or whatever.... well, they can fuck off.
How I talk to my dog affects no one at all.... if you are so delicate with your sensibilities that you can't handle living in a world were there are people who love their pets..... then get some therapy.

Barney16 · 27/12/2024 18:15

Thing is it's a dog. And I loved my now late dog but I didn't confuse him with a human. Maybe they had just had enough and used the dog as an excuse to go home.

AlbertCamusflage · 27/12/2024 18:16

Completely with you, OP. Your SIL and BIL sound utterly crazy. I've been a dog owner for 30 years in my adult life and I am horrified by how totally irrational so many dog owners are these days.
Doesn't benefit the dogs at all. in fact it puts a lot of additional stress and nonsense on them. And it can be pretty unfair to a lot of human bystanders, if they are expected to play along.

Brombat · 27/12/2024 18:16

Yeah, I'm one of these people and defo pretty sane but if you spend a lot of time with your dogs, you do get to know when they're happy, cranky or whatever and you don't like to see them unhappy.

I don't particularly like the term "mummy" either but it works for the dog...

My dogs always know if they have a pressie too and love to open them, tho I'm grateful (non-dog) family haven't bought them any this year as the presents were the doggy equivalent of complete tat and actually dangerous to the dogs.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2024 18:16

Badburyrings · 27/12/2024 18:10

Exactly, I agree with this. We refer to ourselves as mummy and daddy with our dog and horse. It makes us smile, sometimes when my very unemotional mother comes over I call her grandma. It's just a bit of fun, we don't have children. However, I do realise she is a dog, and the horse is a horse and others might find them a pain in the arse so behave accordingly around those people. But for us they are the best thing we have. We were not lucky enough to have children but they are not a substitute for that, but they are still family members with feelings and emotions.

Show quote history

100% I don’t get why people on MN get in such a tiz about what goes on in the privacy of someone’s own home. If they want to refer to themselves as mum and dad with their pets, or anything else, that’s their choice. If you have a friend or family member who does this, and you’re so worked up about it, then just go low or no contact. I do think though that the kind of people frothing at the mouth about dogs are probably uptight in other aspects of their life too.

AliceMcK · 27/12/2024 18:16

I can't stand it when people baby dogs. It's especially cringe when they refer to themselves as Mummy and Daddy.

OMG we refer to ourselves as Mummy and Daddy🤦‍♀️ In our defence we have young children who call us Mummy and Daddy so it’s just caught on from that.

Stretchanoctave · 27/12/2024 18:17

Nearly as bad as referring to a dog as d-dog. Seriously, why not just say dog.

mrpinkwhistlescat · 27/12/2024 18:18

Love the Siamese grandcats buying a Jo Malone reed diffuser.

LBFseBrom · 27/12/2024 18:19

dontknowwhathappens · 27/12/2024 16:42

maybe they can’t have kids and are compensating with the dog? Like - does it really matter?

Yes. i've met people who are like that over their pets, it doesn't bother me. I would have bought the dog a gift, I gave someone's cat a cat stocking and she sent me a picture of the cat sitting next to it before it was open. We had a little chat about it.

Pets are part of the family and even more so when a couple does not have children.

It takes all sorts, let's be tolerant.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2024 18:20

Stretchanoctave · 27/12/2024 18:17

Nearly as bad as referring to a dog as d-dog. Seriously, why not just say dog.

And this affects you how? Seriously, never has the phrase ‘get a life’ been more appropriate.

MerryMaker · 27/12/2024 18:20

I find people like this have a high chance of having fertility issues so I am kind

Badburyrings · 27/12/2024 18:21

Stretchanoctave · 27/12/2024 18:17

Nearly as bad as referring to a dog as d-dog. Seriously, why not just say dog.

Yeah but so many women on MN refer to "D" H when talking about an absolute arsehole, another dear about them but they still add it. So I respect people who refer to D Dog, and most of the time they are better than most humans it appears!

AngryBookworm · 27/12/2024 18:21

Call your dog what you like, it may well be a member of your family, as long as it has appropriate boundaries like any member. Frankly some of the humans I've heard about on here over Christmas could do with more discipline and boundaries. That said, being annoyed that someone hasn't got it a present is very demanding.

On the nap, I couldn't be annoyed about that. The best dog owners I know have all taught their dogs to lay down and settle on a bed (and brought said bed to gatherings) - though TBF there may not have been room and sometimes it is good to remove a dog from an overstimulating environment. I'd think of that as good ownership rather than pretending it was a child.

HereForTheAnimals · 27/12/2024 18:21

All our rescues have been treated with the same level of love and kindness we show to family and friends. They have all been allowed access to our sofas and our bed.

We do refer to each other as mummy and daddy when talking to our dog 🤣, but we only do this at home, and I've never used the term furbaby.

I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't buy my dog a present, but we have given them in the past, and enjoyed watching them chew them open on Christmas day.

I also don't think that it is appropriate for my dog to go everywhere with me.

If I had to choose the life of my dog, or a stranger's child, I'd choose to save the stranger's child. However, I wouldn't say that all human life is more important than my dog's life, and I would choose to save my dog's life over many nasty individuals.

Thatcastlethere · 27/12/2024 18:23

MerryMaker · 27/12/2024 18:20

I find people like this have a high chance of having fertility issues so I am kind

It would be fine if it weren't for genuinely expecting gifts for the dogs.. like all the rest of it I'd just ignore.
But I'm not sure I could be kind to someone who genuinely expected gifts for their dogs from family members. Because they are being quite unkind themselves aren't they?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/12/2024 18:24

I always buy little presents for DD’s cats, and SiL’s, and when we had both dog and cat they always had presents, too. Ditto the 3 dogs of friends who came more than once to stay at Christmas.
This year I also bought a present for DD’s chickens - just a tin of sweetcorn wrapped up (they love it!) - the Gdcs would have been upset if the chooks had been left out.