It's a bloody dog!

[MammaKel]

Ugh, I didn't realise how batshit crazy people were about their "furbabies."

We went to a family gathering yesterday where SIL and BIL and their DDog were - they don't have kids, and DDog is their baby but omg.

I could get past the calling each other mummy and daddy, calling my in laws grandma and grandpa and telling my kids he was their fur cousin and showing us pictures of taking him to see " Santa Paws" but there were two instances that genuinely made me cringe a bit ..

We were exchanging gifts, and they asked me where DDogs were, I laughed because I thought they were joking, but nope, totally serious and was upset he'd be left out, so I apologised (for some reason) and moved on very quickly..

The next one was that the dog was getting a bit agitated, and they said he was tired and getting a bit cranky, so they were leaving so he could have a nap..

I'm mostly being light-hearted, and I'm an animal lover (have 4 cats), but I just didn't realise how far it went AIBU or is this just the norm now?

I feel like this is a sort of a stealth boast! In this vein my doggy has a ‘cousin’ who’s an actor, one who’s a surgeon, one who’s going to the next Olympics ( fingers crossed!) and one who got an OBE for charity work.
Go doggy!!!

I've as much right to say that I loathe the term as you have to use it, or be defensive about using it.

Thing is, it's an adult animal, not an infant human. You'll know this, logically, but a lot of people persist in treating their adult animals like infant humans and in IMHO it causes all sorts of issues.

The use by what used to to be reputable charities of cartoon doggies on material aimed at adults also grinds my gears.

You did ask...

(And no, I'm not a mean old dog-hating hag. I love my dogs - one is serving as an elbow-rest as I type.)

I find the whole ‘furbaby’ thing infantile. In a bad way. But, each to their own, just and opinion etc etc

I pointed out that she's a vet because of all the "batshit crazy" "mentally ill" and "weird" comments on here. It's not weird - it isn't unusual for vets to use the term "furbaby" or "Mum & Dad" for their own pets.

Our vet (who is not my cousin) will talk to our pets and refer to me as their mum. It's commonly done.

I completely adore my dog, but that's ridiculous.

My vet isn't no. But my cousin chooses to refer to my dog as being her cousin. It was actually said tongue in cheek but I always forget the MN sense-of-humour bypass.

It was a pathetic attempt at humour, because we're scousers so humour is in our blood and vet cousin thinks it's funny to have a "cousin" that's a 50kg dog. But whatever, if it makes you happy to view it as a stealth boast go ahead.

I agree to be fair. Each to their own and it’s wonderful that people’s pets bring them so much happiness. I guess it really only becomes a problem if they get annoyed because other people don’t want to join in.

I could get past the calling each other mummy and daddy, calling my in laws grandma and grandpa

We do this with our dog 😂

I say the same names to ddog as I do for the dc. So 'go and sit next to daddy' or 'look, Nanna has a treat for you'.

I don't know how you avoid that really though. It would seem so weird saying to the dog 'look, Susan (my mum) has a treat for you'. I don't call her Susan ever, I call her mum or Nanna if it's to the dc.

I imagine that's fairly common?

‘Our vet (who is not my cousin) will talk to our pets and refer to me as their mum. It's commonly done.’

incoherent posts will cause confusion… we have had dogs for 30 years, not a single vet or staff member has every referred to me a ‘mum’ or addressed the convo to the animal.
They generally speak to me rather than via the medium of a mute pet…
our vet is also not my cousin. Or the dogs cousin. It feels important to emphasis that.
our GP is ALSO not my cousin. For context.

I’m guessing it’s something awful like a pug or French bulldog?

Got it. Your cousin who is a vet IS the dogs cousin. ( except, no) and your vet who is NOT your cousin is also NOT the dogs cousin.
Glad we got that cleared up 😅
The big question is - did either cousin the vet or vet not a cousin get the dog a Xmas present? And if not were you upset?

It is common, everyone we know does it. I was talking about this thread with my husband last night and he also pointed out that sometimes when you're out on a walk and a random dog wanders over, you'll say to it "go to your mum/dad" because obviously you don't know the person's name... It's just a natural thing. Everyone does it. It's weird not to....

But it is skating pretty close to crazy to think of a dog (or cat, or goat, or pet-of-choice) as someone’s baby.

Tongue in cheek, fair enough. But to consider the dog as relative is absurd and infantile.

We can love our pets to the ends of the earth but we don’t love them the same as our children, nor can we or should we treat them as such. It’s not like we go around gelding our children at 6 months, is it?

A healthy relationship between owner and dog and a healthy relationship between parents and children look very different. A dog is dependent forever; raising a child is making yourself less necessary as time goes on, to foster independence.

We didn't see them at Christmas, but the cousins brought her "baby" gifts when they first met her as a 10 week old puppy, yes. We wouldn't have been upset if they didn't though.

The vet who is not a cousin obviously does not give her gifts, no, that really would be weird/batshit/mental, call it what you will...

We don't actually buy gifts for our pets so why would we expect anyone else to?

It’s really not as deep as everyone is trying to imply. Very few people use the term furbaby seriously, if at all. No one thinks they gave birth to a dog. Everyone knows the difference between humans and animals. When people here use the old treating your dog like a child trope they really just mean they don’t like you stopping off at Starbucks with them or buying them a toy at Christmas (are toys allowed at other times?)

The only batshit thing here is trying to belittle people because you don’t like how they refer to their dogs.

So if the vet wants you to hold them, or for them to walk to you (dog with ligament damage, they would get her to walk to me), what do they say? What do they call you?

Our vets address conversations about the vet visit to me, but they also talk to the dog while examining etc. as it helps calm them. They also will say things like "can you hold their head please" and if dog is worried they'll say things like "look at mum" or "mums here don't worry". They wouldn't say to my dog "Mrs Ipsy has you" because what would that mean to the dog? They never hear me called "Mrs Ipsy". Only ever mum or mummy (since DD came along).

People find it easier to say "go see mum" than "go see Ipsy" because otherwise you're expecting the dog to understand who you mean depending on their relationship with you and what they know you as. It's just a common term for dogs to understand who you're referring to. It's not any deeper than that for most dog owners. And if it is, they have their own reasons for that, let's let them be.

What the sigma, bro that’s cap. It’s totally that deep. Some of these people
are lowkey dog stans.

It’s bonkers. I say this as a dog owner who loves my dog dearly. But it is bonkers.

Personally I think it’s absolutely bloody bizarre and definitely not a way I would ever behave but to each their own. With that being said, I would find it ridiculous them trying to involve me in their ott pet behaviour, and wouldn’t do so! I absolutely adore my dogs… but they’re dogs, not people. I actually think we do animals a disservice if we try and shoehorn them into human roles in our lives.

I have (had) both. I'm very aware that the relationship is different. It doesn't mean that people who do think of them as their children, for whatever reason, are "crazy". Especially not if they have not been able to have a much wanted child, as is the case for several couples close to me. They have that love to give and to them, it's the closest they can get so that's what they do. It's an outlet for that love, and that's absolutely fine.

Does it hurt you? Does it impact your life in anyway? Nope.

Would it hurt them to hear you call them crazy? Yes, probably.

Think what you like. Live how you like. Leave people to do the same without judging them or calling them names or suggesting they are not right in the head.

‘So if the vet wants you to hold them, or for them to walk to you (dog with ligament damage, they would get her to walk to me), what do they say? What do they call you?’

’could you hold her still for me? Could
walk her towards me? If you could just lift Scooby into the table, thanks’
They call me Ms Blabadder or they come out and Say ‘ Scooby Blabadder? Great come this way.’ Could you put Scooby on the scale so we can get her weight first…

you know, normal chat. No talk of cousins. Or fur babies. Or mummies and daddies.
Perhaps we are at the only non-cousin vets in the country who speak and act like professionals…

Not even between themselves?

"Vet nurse, we've done X test, could you tell Scooby's mum he'll be out in a minute?"

Totally agree OP - BIL and his GF are the same and it drove me nuts this Xmas.

Calling my in laws granny and grandad, getting upset at the suggestion that it spends time on a (very long) lead in the garden for half an hour so we can all have our dinner in peace, letting it jump all over people.

I have never been a dog person but this Xmas has tipped me over the edge and I never want to see another one as long as I live!

Oh and add to that an expectation that you will show an interest in your dog! Your pet, your problem - nothing to do with me. I do not consider it a family member…or should I also be buying presents for FILs chickens?