22 months being referred to the paediatrician

[Firstimemum24]

Hi
Sorry for the long post but I feel lost at the moment and I’d like some help from fellow mums and dads .
help me with my little
My little one 22 months DD

1. answer to questions with yes but not with no . When she doesn’t want something she doesn’t answer
2. Answer to where’s and what’s and who’s questions with familiar faces
3. Give kisses and high five
4. Point , wave and clap
5. Ask for what she wants by pointing or using the word for it and asks for help
6. Follow simple instructions such as : “ bring mum the fork “ pick it up and give it mummy “ come here and stop and wait for mom “ when outside . Sit on the couch , bath time and food time she sits on her little chair , put bunny to bed or bring me the blanket, let’s change . But that’s it she is not improving on that front
7. Uses over 200 words and sometimes 2 word phrases : like feed baby , daddy train , spin me , more crackers please , wash bunny ,
8. She loves playing in front of the mirror and copying some songs and play hide and seek with us
9. She loves cuddles
10. She enjoys sitting and reading a book and point at what she sees
11. She can point to every body parts
12. Says hi to people and kids
13. She doesn’t have meltdowns that go on

Concerns

1. toe walker ( I have been told it is a milestone 🤔) since she was 14 months
2. Very shy and anxious around people and doesn’t like playgroups but then again she is an only child
3. Picky eater ( this is what she eats ) bolognese pasta
4. Pasta with ricotta and tomato
5. Pasta pesto
6. Pasta with zucchine
7. Lasagna
8. Meatballs
9. Toast with butter and marmite
10. Almond and chocolate croissant
11. Banana and kiwi
12. Pear and peaches cantaloupe
13. Apples
14. Vegetarian sausage and peanut butter toast
15. Chicken and Brie sandwich
16. Raw Carrots and. Broccoli
17. Veggies crisps

She doesn’t seem to be able to sit still when she has dinner and she is most happiest when it is just us 3 and no family in the house . She starts to whine when other people are around or gets overexcited . The thing is not was ever able to get close to her since she was born because of her personality.
We don’t take her to lunches or coffee shops as she would sit in the buggy

She passes the Mchat with 0 and the ASQ questionnaire for 24 months but she has been referred to see a paediatrician due to social anxiety ( mostly just as a precaution the HV said ) .
I am so confused and lost because we never had anyone on the spectrum on both sides of the family and I am trying to learn everything that I can . Research shows that when not genetic it is environmental but I haven’t been exposed to anything different

What instructions can a 22 months old follow ? ☺️

It seems that she is finding it difficult to answer open questions such as "What do you want?". 1) Try offering her choices instead ("e.g." Milk or water? "). 2) If this is still hard, show her the 2 objects, photos or symbols and see if she can choose verbally or by pointing, grabbing or gesturing to the one she wants. 3) Try sentence completion, e. g."Tina wants to eat.... (pause and see if she verbally completed the sentence).". She may be overwhelmed by the demand of open questions, or she may not yet understand the question format. You can model the kind of responses to she could give: You : "What programme would you like to watch?" (Wait. If she doesn't respond then: "Peppa. I want to watch Peppe" etc.

Thanks for this ☺️ what’s the age for answering open questions ?

Mine is 2.5 and still doesn't answer open questions. But honestly OP, you have to stop this obsessive worrying about your child's ability to answer questions, saying yes and no and looking for signs for autism and adhd. This micro focusing on every tiny thing isnt healthy for you and your child and your own anxiety is going to cause more problems than anything. Even "normal" children there is a wide range of when their communication develops.

Nothing has shown any concern is the ASQ or tests your health visitor has done and every poster has tried to reassure you. People here aren't health professionals. Go and enjoy your child without constantly seeking reassurance over nothing.

Open questions are more infant school age. Give 2 or 3 choices.

I'm not sure why you've been referred to be honest. When we go to playgroups about half the kids seem shy at that age.
Our 9 year old is autistic (verbal) but had no words at that age and wasnt shy at toddler groups, would just walk around everywhere and wouldnt show me things or indicate for help using things like our other child did at that age.

Tiptoe walking is a concern for clumsiness but you should be referred to physio for that. Google the "W" sitting position, it's best to try to reposition if yours sits like that as it weakens the core muscles and leg muscles which contributes to tiptoe walking.

My 6 year old can struggle with open questions now.
‘What do you want for breakfast?’ can be answered with ‘I don’t know’
Whereas ‘do you want cheerios or a bagel?’ is usually answered.

It's not really about reaching a particular age for it. For me it's about looking at the overall pattern of development of your child. She will no doubt learn to answer open questions in time, but her differences with social interaction may remain, to some extent. She will probably learn to cope with many social situations, but she may still have sensory differences (I'm thinking of the tip-toe walking and enjoyment of looking in the mirror - there may be other things too). It's about clusters of featurrs/traits, and not overly focusing on 'fixing' any one trait. They are all linked. Listen, maybe I am wrong and you are just an anxious parent, but in my experience parental anxiety is often for a good reason, and you know something is different. (Not 'wrong'; just different). A suggestion to reconnect and stop spiralling today : spend 1-1 time with her today in front of that mirror. Copy her movements and vocalisations and really tune in to her.

Hi and thank you for your advice . I really don’t think that looking in the mirror for a little while is connected to a sensory need . She does max twice a day and always pointing her body parts or to put on a hat . The tippy toes is more of a sensory thing but thank you anyway for your words

There is nothing wrong with looking in the mirror. Under twos are developing their sense of self and identity by checking out reflection and how it moves in relation to them. Watch the Robert Winston series about children born in 2000 and you'll see how it varies in stages of development and between one child to another.

Exactly. The OP has cited playing while looking in the mirror as being something there daughter enjoys. So it makes sense to follow her lead and join her in this play, as it is motivating to her.

You also mentioned she likes collecting piles of animals. Perhaps you could try gently joining this play too.

OP please don’t take offence but do you think you might have some anxiety around this? Do you think the best way to help your DD is to perhaps seek help for yourself?

Oh no I wasn’t offended , I am just exhausted and I know that there is not a lot I can do . It is just I am petrified of how the world is going to treat her if she is different . I hear way too many stories of how parents have to fight really hard to find a spot in a mainstream school . It shouldn’t be this way 😞

Then stop doing everything you can to make her different. She is as she is. She may face hardships in life, or sail through. That's not in your power to affect right now. What you can do is get some help for yourself to address your anxiety before you start damaging her.

I think you have heard wrong. Most children with SEND are educated in ms schools, special school places are hard to come by. But you are already thinking multiple steps ahead, your dd does not appear to have serious, if any, additional needs yet. You are in danger of letting these anxieties of future and unrealistic exoectations overshadow enjoying her now. This is something you can change by educating yourself about norms of child development and finding activities which would support social skills for you both and you can share together. What does her df think?

She sounds like a wonderful, typical 2 year old OP.
She will have her own differences/preferences as she's an individual person and we're all different.
Her diet sounds great too.

Oh no I wasn’t offended , I am just exhausted and I know that there is not a lot I can do . It is just I am petrified of how the world is going to treat her if she is different . I hear way too many stories of how parents have to fight really hard to find a spot in a mainstream school . It shouldn’t be this way

Even if she was ND you'd be really lucky to get a place in a Special School.

The majority of ND DC are educated in MS schools.

In all probability you'll apply for Primary School, in the future, and get the one that's your catchment school.

You haven't even had your appointment yet and you've had a lot of reassurance on this thread.

I might have missed it but are you getting any help for your anxiety?

I agree with this. Nothing the OP posts screams red flags and her child seems like a normal developing toddler. Yet the OP seems determined that her child is different, on the spectrum and she is doing all she can to make her different. By her own admission she's isolated her from people coming over to her house including grandparents for reasons I can't quite make out and decided to stop taking her out to toddler or play groups because she got anxious waiting the 5 minutes to go in the room. Again entirely normal toddler behaviour and from her own posts she seemed to be fine once she was in the playgroup.

People and children can be socially anxious whether they are on the spectrum or not. It's this isolation that's being enforced on this child and the OPs own anxiety that seems more damaging than anything. Why are you on about schools OP when you're child isn't even 2 and hasn't been diagnosed with anything? I really hope for you and your daughters sake you get support with your anxiety.

Toe walking isn't always associated with ND. It runs in my DHs family. DH is in his 50s and toe walks as does his sister. Neither are ND. Our DS also does it (late teens not ND), but we've got him physio for it because it has caused back problems for my DH and it's better to correct it.

If she’s ND (which I honestly don’t think she is) then you adapt. You parent the child you have, you simply just take one step at a time.
hoe stay though the biggest risk currently to your daughters future is your anxiety and projection of issues onto her, when there are none.
What does her father think?

There is nothing you have described so far that makes me think she won't be quite an able wee girl, even if she does turn out to be ND. (More than 25% of the population are estimated to be ND. Loads of kids in my DH's class have a diagnosis. Those kids and their parents are just normal members of the school community) . Most will be happy, thriving neurodivergent kids. Maybe contact your Health Visitor again and tell her you have lots of questions and are feeling worried. I do understand your mind might be spiralling to the worst case scenarios, but it might be time to wind those thoughts back in to think about what you can usefully do tomorrow and the day after that. She just needs business as usual: playing, talking, singing, fresh air and movement, and wee activities out and about.

Come off the Internet OP it's messing your mind up.

Thousands of toddlers walk on tip toes until they don't..... this doesn't make a child autistic.

You need to seek help for your own issues or you're going to really muck your child up.