22 months being referred to the paediatrician

[Firstimemum24]

Hi
Sorry for the long post but I feel lost at the moment and I’d like some help from fellow mums and dads .
help me with my little
My little one 22 months DD

1. answer to questions with yes but not with no . When she doesn’t want something she doesn’t answer
2. Answer to where’s and what’s and who’s questions with familiar faces
3. Give kisses and high five
4. Point , wave and clap
5. Ask for what she wants by pointing or using the word for it and asks for help
6. Follow simple instructions such as : “ bring mum the fork “ pick it up and give it mummy “ come here and stop and wait for mom “ when outside . Sit on the couch , bath time and food time she sits on her little chair , put bunny to bed or bring me the blanket, let’s change . But that’s it she is not improving on that front
7. Uses over 200 words and sometimes 2 word phrases : like feed baby , daddy train , spin me , more crackers please , wash bunny ,
8. She loves playing in front of the mirror and copying some songs and play hide and seek with us
9. She loves cuddles
10. She enjoys sitting and reading a book and point at what she sees
11. She can point to every body parts
12. Says hi to people and kids
13. She doesn’t have meltdowns that go on

Concerns

1. toe walker ( I have been told it is a milestone 🤔) since she was 14 months
2. Very shy and anxious around people and doesn’t like playgroups but then again she is an only child
3. Picky eater ( this is what she eats ) bolognese pasta
4. Pasta with ricotta and tomato
5. Pasta pesto
6. Pasta with zucchine
7. Lasagna
8. Meatballs
9. Toast with butter and marmite
10. Almond and chocolate croissant
11. Banana and kiwi
12. Pear and peaches cantaloupe
13. Apples
14. Vegetarian sausage and peanut butter toast
15. Chicken and Brie sandwich
16. Raw Carrots and. Broccoli
17. Veggies crisps

She doesn’t seem to be able to sit still when she has dinner and she is most happiest when it is just us 3 and no family in the house . She starts to whine when other people are around or gets overexcited . The thing is not was ever able to get close to her since she was born because of her personality.
We don’t take her to lunches or coffee shops as she would sit in the buggy

She passes the Mchat with 0 and the ASQ questionnaire for 24 months but she has been referred to see a paediatrician due to social anxiety ( mostly just as a precaution the HV said ) .
I am so confused and lost because we never had anyone on the spectrum on both sides of the family and I am trying to learn everything that I can . Research shows that when not genetic it is environmental but I haven’t been exposed to anything different

What instructions can a 22 months old follow ? ☺️

Current genetic tests will generally only identify Fragile X or Angelmans as part of the autism. I thought that micro deletions on the STS gene were also an indicator, depending on how big that deletion is of course.

As you said, autism is thought to be epigenetic. So a bit about genes (which possibly doesn't obviously manifest clearly in every generation) and a bit about environment (but I don't think scientists clearly understand yet which factors are causative). I know in my family there are some quirky cousins and uncles, and people with other diagnoses, who are possibly undiagnosed autistic. Society is becoming very better at recognising and understanding autism (particularly in women), so generational patterns may be easier to identify as time goes on.

yes I think you right - ds1 was tested a long time ago so things have moved on but i was just meaning not moved on to finding definitive causes

Autism is always genetic. You don't have to have a parent who is ASD for it to be gene expression.

Hopefully the paediatrician referral will help either undercover any issues or set your mind at rest that she is developing normally.

either way - until then stop hyper fixating on the causes of autism (whether she has it or not - knowing where it’s ‘come from’ doesn’t help - what helps is good strategies to help her to learn and develop and live as an autistic person )

I have brought up 2 ND children and it takes time for these difficulties to all become apparent and for correct diagnosis to be made - there is a lot of watch and see. You have to manage your expectations / anxiety as you have a long road ahead - unless you can afford private healthcare you will be going at the nhs pace and the backlog means it is slow. I respectfully suggest you try and get some real life support about this as your repeated postings show you are really struggling .

It sounds like some socialisation for her is very much needed . Whether she is NT or ND she exists in the world and helping her to encounter and interact with others will help her. of course she will find new situations and people strange. All kids do! Go slowly - go to small things not massive playgroups - don’t force anything but encourage her . Avoiding all people and social situations is not going to help her .

They are my son has 16p13 11microdeletion which is thought ti be the underlying cause of his complex disabilities including autism.

I have no idea whether your daughter is autistic or not.

BUT it's very common for people to have autism and not be diagnosed. This is particularly true of women, as autism in females is much more internal compared to male autism, and all of the original studies and literature were based on autistic males.

You can't say "there's no autism in our families" with certainty. You can say "there's no diagnosis of autism in our families".

Probably it's an under-resourced service, so one that now focuses on consultation, awareness-raising, and supporting/empowering parents and education etc, as opposed to "rehabilitating" the child. For example, a SALT in your area could well signpost your child to an app on an Ipad such as TD Snap/Proloquo2go/Touchchat, to see if he would prefer to to use this to communicate with in some settings. Or they could support you to explore his motivation to communicate verbally in other settings. If he were to be motivated, then it would be about exploring and scaffolding that. (I know you probably know all this already - I'm just illustrating how the consultative model could work with this example!).

Genetic doesn't just mean inherited aa I explained earlier my son has a chromosome deletion thought to ve the underlying cause of his complex disabilities and autism, neither me or his dad are autistic neither d9 we carry the deletion but it's still genetic

Yes I am aware of that that’s why i am thinking she is on the spectrum or what once in the past was referred as Asperger ( I know that now it is included in the asd umbrella )

No one here can tell you if your child is autistic but absolutely nothing in your concern list screams anything to actually be concerned about. She eats a varied diet and most toddlers don't still sit still at a table. And it's entirely normal for a toddler to be anxious and unsure in new social situations. If you've stopped taking her to toddler groups etc and out for lunch and cafes then I'm not surprised she's so upset when in these new situations. My 2.5 year old can take a while until he is comfortable in a new situation and I have no concerns over his development.

I think it's your own anxiety that is the issue. You seem hyper focused on creating issues and there being a problem when on paper you have a perfectly normal developing toddler. Instead of wasting energy and time on researching and trying to understand "where autism comes from", why don't you actually enjoy your child and focus on giving her social opportunities instead of restricting them because you feel there's an issue.

If she’s only met them 4 times in person then they aren’t really familiar at all and her shyness is to be expected. Especially as I imagine they might be very eager to be close to her which she may find overwhelming. Toddlers are notoriously bad at being away from their own environment and out of routine, she’s in this situation each time she meets them so this would possibly make her even more shy if that’s how she copes.

Why are you so obsessed OP with your child being on the spectrum and there being a problem? I could completely understand if there were genuine concerns about her development but absolutely nothing in this posts or any other threads suggest anything out the ordinary.

What do you hope to achieve by posting constantly about this? It's obvious you have severe anxiety about this and just constantly posting just reinforces this cycle. I'd say this is the biggest problem rather than anything wrong with your child. You have quite unrealistic expectations of a child who isn't even 2 yet. In a previous thread you were expressing concerns about a 22 month having adhd because they were on the go all the time, when this is entirely normal for a toddler.

By your own admission on previous threads your child doesn't see anyone else much apart from you and your husbands. Toddlers at this age are learning about the world around them and are like sponges, learning from their parents. If your child's world consists of just her two parents and from what appears very little interaction from anyone else, then it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out of course she's going to be very anxious in new situations. By not taking her to toddler groups or even to cafes, you're just reinforcing the belief for her the world is a scary place and doing nothing for her social anxiety. She's only going to get more comfortable with social situations the more she is exposed to them and the more she is around people.

I'm not sure what a paediatrician is going to do. I can only go by your posts but this seems entirely in your hands and in your power to support your child. Yet instead of taking any sort of proactive steps of socialising your child, you remove her from these opportunities to socialise and instead hyper focus on there being something "wrong" with your child.

I understand it sounds like I am a control freak and have unrealistic expectations and I simply don’t know what to expect from my little girl but I am a first time mum and never been around kids before . For example she still hasn’t grasped the “ what do you want ? question because she replies with “yes “ and I am not sure if it is normal

With respect OP have you read some child development books, just standard parenting books nothing to do with autism. If you are only reading things to do with development and autism you’re going to have a screwed view of normal child development.

I understand it sounds like I am a control freak and have unrealistic expectations and I simply don’t know what to expect from my little girl but I am a first time mum and never been around kids before . For example she still hasn’t grasped the “ what do you want ? question because she replies with “yes “ and I am not sure if it is normal

Your Toddler Month by Monthh* is a great book and should let you know if they're on track.

One of the best ways of seeing of their development is in track though is to mix with DC of the same age at activities like Swimming, Playgroup, Forest School.

She sounds entirely normal. She's not even two yet, of course she can't tell you what she wants. Children of that age can't cope with open ended questions.

Everyone on here has been a first time parent at some point and I've had anxiety myself, but this level of obsession you seem to have isn't healthy or normal and I'd urge for your sake and your daughters to seek support for it. It's easier said than done but it's a shame you can't just let your daughter be and enjoy her rather than worrying obsessively over her development when from everything you've posted she seems an entirely normal toddler.

Hanging out with other children at toddler groups and making some mum friends with similar aged DC would help you see what typical development looks like

I see from your other threads that your DD enjoys groups once you are inside, so just arrive a few minutes after they start instead of waiting outside in a queue!

A lot of what you typed is typical. Re going to grandparents, given they haven’t had a lot of contact that in itself isn’t unexplainable.

Does she get frustrated when she can’t explain/answer what she wants, or is she chilled? As it’s usually frustration that spurs on language development at that age - and if she’s not needing more then 🤷‍♀️

If she has ASD, she has it, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it or have done to cause it. Overanalysing “how” when you can’t see anyone in your family with similar traits will (a) drive you mental and (b) probably isn’t the case - my BIL diagnoses ASD in his job and the main thing he hears from parents is “the questionnaire asked about this but that’s not abnormal, I do that” when it can be an ASD trait.

Goodness me! social anxiety in a 2 year old???? Crazy what on earth is the world coming too? All the behaviours you have mentioned is normal for a child that age.

It is difficult to explain most of the time when she answer yes to questions it is what she wants but she rarely says no . Example if she doesn’t want any food / water she pushes it away with her hand . She gets frustrated but it is not communication related because she always expresses herself for what she wants by using the word for it . But like with questions “ what do you want ? She answers always yes

But that is really normal . Young children don't always have vocabulary to articulate what they want or how they are feeling. What are your frames of reference that you consider her behaviour unusual? Do you have friends with similar age children, from your ante/post natal groups? Could you join an activity group like baby swimming or music, or rhymetime at the library? Or is this really more about your social anxiety and lack of confidence which you could to address via a group for parents run by hvs or a community centre.

I guess I don’t know much about toddlers in general . She does like her counting ( she can now count to ten with pointing at how many animals she has ) she makes little piles of farm animals and carry them around .

Most toddlers go through a yes or no phase .

Odd referral