22 months being referred to the paediatrician

[Firstimemum24]

Hi
Sorry for the long post but I feel lost at the moment and I’d like some help from fellow mums and dads .
help me with my little
My little one 22 months DD

1. answer to questions with yes but not with no . When she doesn’t want something she doesn’t answer
2. Answer to where’s and what’s and who’s questions with familiar faces
3. Give kisses and high five
4. Point , wave and clap
5. Ask for what she wants by pointing or using the word for it and asks for help
6. Follow simple instructions such as : “ bring mum the fork “ pick it up and give it mummy “ come here and stop and wait for mom “ when outside . Sit on the couch , bath time and food time she sits on her little chair , put bunny to bed or bring me the blanket, let’s change . But that’s it she is not improving on that front
7. Uses over 200 words and sometimes 2 word phrases : like feed baby , daddy train , spin me , more crackers please , wash bunny ,
8. She loves playing in front of the mirror and copying some songs and play hide and seek with us
9. She loves cuddles
10. She enjoys sitting and reading a book and point at what she sees
11. She can point to every body parts
12. Says hi to people and kids
13. She doesn’t have meltdowns that go on

Concerns

1. toe walker ( I have been told it is a milestone 🤔) since she was 14 months
2. Very shy and anxious around people and doesn’t like playgroups but then again she is an only child
3. Picky eater ( this is what she eats ) bolognese pasta
4. Pasta with ricotta and tomato
5. Pasta pesto
6. Pasta with zucchine
7. Lasagna
8. Meatballs
9. Toast with butter and marmite
10. Almond and chocolate croissant
11. Banana and kiwi
12. Pear and peaches cantaloupe
13. Apples
14. Vegetarian sausage and peanut butter toast
15. Chicken and Brie sandwich
16. Raw Carrots and. Broccoli
17. Veggies crisps

She doesn’t seem to be able to sit still when she has dinner and she is most happiest when it is just us 3 and no family in the house . She starts to whine when other people are around or gets overexcited . The thing is not was ever able to get close to her since she was born because of her personality.
We don’t take her to lunches or coffee shops as she would sit in the buggy

She passes the Mchat with 0 and the ASQ questionnaire for 24 months but she has been referred to see a paediatrician due to social anxiety ( mostly just as a precaution the HV said ) .
I am so confused and lost because we never had anyone on the spectrum on both sides of the family and I am trying to learn everything that I can . Research shows that when not genetic it is environmental but I haven’t been exposed to anything different

What instructions can a 22 months old follow ? ☺️

But you said you rarely see them so of course she won’t build a bond with them.

you are teaching her to be nervous of people and new places and that’s not healthy. She needs to be exposed to those things

So my mom and dad live in Italy and tbh , when she was old enough to recognise people i would say 4 times each a week . Whilst my husband°s parents once a week because we live 2 hours away and they are getting on a bit for driving .

How does she see them 4 times a week if they're in Italy?

Sorry typed too fast . Since she was old enough to recognise people , 5 months, she has seem them 4 times in total . We travel every summer and Christmas for a week in Italy and my parents fly here and stay for a couple of days

So she’s not really familiar with them then? They aren’t people you’re seeing every week. Some initial shyness is normal I’d think

Well they are not familiar people than are they they maybe her grandparents but they are essentially strangers to her of she has seen them four times in total .

Sounds she might be picking up on your anxiety?

I don't think avoiding social situations is an answer.

One of my dc was diagnosed with ASD at 2 years 5 months so quite young but had significant issues. To give some perspective she only had 2 words at her 2 year check and had to be carried everywhere as was too terrified to walk, would only consume aptamil formula in a bottle, cheerios and ella melty sticks. Would sit and rock or line up toys and was having several severe meltdowns per day.

Right so they're complete strangers to her really. Young children need to see people really regularly to be confident with them and get to know/trust them. 4 times in 18 months is nothing!

You really really need to seek help for your own anxiety because it's affecting and limiting your child.

I also think you need to read up on normal child development because your expectations are a bit out of whack.

Your child is definitely not behind with milestones or diet but it sounds like the HV had a gut instinct there might be something to explore.
Take it as sn opportunity to learn more about your dd and be grateful she's getting the best care - I wouldn't worry too much.

Maybe you can try to work on socialisation, does she go to nursery or playgroups? They make a big difference.

You have posted about this before but unless you can explain why the referral has been made, there isn't much more anyone can say. It does sound extremely unusual as many parents of non verbal 22 month olds with obvious disability across all areas struggle to get a referral and are urged to 'wait and see' and not worry so much !

It doesnt sound to me like there’s think there’s somwething wrong with the child. My toddler is also a very picky eater. When he was about a year old, he was toe-walking. Plus, we all know that they’re often not happy with people that they are not familiar with. So expect them not to do well in public places like parks. What was the result of the consultation with the paediatrician?

I would honestly advise you not to post here on Mumsnet anymore. I understand you are seeking reassurance and advice, but unfortunately you will get lots of unhelpful responses. Your anxiety will NOT be causing her social difficulties. And as for her being just like any other 2 year old, we'll a) lots of 2 year olds are undiagnosed autistic children and b) autistic kids are not an alien species - they can ge loving, sociable, clever and great eaters!
Your question about how to support her socially : I would suggest building up her tolerance gradually. For example, just watching other kids in the park from a distance. Or bring in the library before the singing group starts and watching the first 5 mins from a distance. Or arranging a very short play with a friend or neighbour who has kids, somewhere that your daughter might like (a park? Soft play? Your home, just to watch TV?). Our can scaffold her social interactions with other people as you are her safe person. Model things she can say and do in play. Also, explain to your family that your daughter has different social needs at the moment. Tell them not to overwhelm her with chat and cuddles but maybe to make a quiet entry to your home and to let her adjust to their presence. The key is to acknowledge her needs and differences and to build gradually from there. You could also seek advice from your local Speech and Language Therapy service about this.

Sounds pretty typical tbh. Toe walking can be a sign of autism yes, but also something physical such as too tight muscles which may need some physio.

sounds great that everything is being followed up on!

I speak from experience of having my own autistic children, and actually I frequently post with advice and support to posters with concerns about potential ND.

This poster, however, has a level of anxiety that is unhealthy and is going to affect her child's development. My responses are based on that.

We are still waiting to get seen and tbh i am still trying to understand how autism develops when not genetic

Oh and no NHS SaLT service are going to accept a referral for a 22 month old who has over 200 words, uses 2 word phrases, understands and follows simple instructions. They just won't.

I have a severely autistic non verbal teen who was diagnosed at three ,nothing about whst the Op has posted about screams out autism at the moment that doesn't mean there isn't anything, but she's only two if her childcis autistic or has any other ND, than it will become more apparent as she gets older but at the moment there doesn't seem to ve any glaring red flags

In my area they would accept for an initial consultation. I know this for an absolute fact. They would be happy to talk through the OP's concerns and think through her child's needs and profile. They would empower the OP to monitor her child's development.

There no point in worrying how it develops as a child is born with it

She sounds like a typical toddler to me with a healthy diet. Some kids are shy. If there isn’t anything else you’ve left out, I’m a bit surprised that the HV has referred her based on that info alone. It’s not something I would be concerned about as yet, particularly at her young age.

@Firstimemum24 I agree that it's probably not productive starting so many threads.

The AIBU section can be particularly unhelpful. Have you looked at the SN Children Section?

There is no fixed pattern to autism traits and only some cases appear to run in families. You do need to address your mindset as well, whether your dc is eventually diagnosed or not. Why are you so concerned? What happens if you need to wait your turn to go into a venue. Toddlers are notoriously impatient and impetuous, perfectly normal, and the skills develop over time and experience. Has your hv suggested parenting groups?

Problems in gestation, problems with delivery, as yet unknown genetic causes either heritable or at time of conception. Autism is a very very broad term. Current genetic tests will generally only identify Fragile X or Angelmans as part of the autism

You must come under an exceptionally well resourced NHS trust then. Here, you can't even get SaLT for a teenager who hasn't spoken to anyone except immediate family for over a year, because they don't accept referrals made on social communication or situational mutism grounds. A 22 month old with the level of language development the OP describes, and who scored 0 on the Mchat, would never be accepted. Tbh I think that's fair enough because the concerns seem to be that she doesn't talk to grandparents who a) sounds like they speak a different language and b) she's only ever seen 4 times, and that she is not sociable with other children (almost certainly because she never spends any time with any other children due to her primary carer being so anxious about taking her anywhere!). These aren't really indicators of anything much being wrong other than undersocialisation.