Toddler at a funeral?

[Lavender14]

So a relative has recently passed away and I'd really like to go to the funeral because it is someone I cared about. My entire family are attending and as a lone parent I have noone else I can leave ds with. I've recently moved area so no friends etc here yet.

Am I mad to consider bringing him and trying to sit at the door so we can leave quickly if needed and bringing some toys/colouring items? I would feel really guilty not going but equally I don't want ds to be disruptive. He's usually pretty well behaved and is happy to sit and watch what's going on but like all toddlers he has his own mind so there's no guarantee. If I can't bring him I can't go and i do feel like my lack of presence would be noted. I couldn't attend the wake as he was ill.

What would others do?

My DC all attended funerals as babies and toddlers, nobody would have dared suggest to me that they shouldn’t be there and if they had they’d have got short shrift. Children have as much right as anyone else to mourn the dead and understand the processes of life and death. Especially if it’s in a church or public building, like weddings, they are public events to whom there is an open invitation to all to attend.

So I chickened out and didn't attend the actual funeral, but we arrived as everyone was going in for a cup of tea afterwards and then between myself and my family I was able to keep ds quietly occupied in a back corner and still go round by myself and talk to people. My family were able to give me a heads up that lots of other kids were there for the full thing which I'd suspected would be the case so hopefully that was the best of both worlds.

I personally agree that it's important kids understand the process of death and should be allowed to say goodbye to people in their life properly and also see how people support each other and how to behave etc in situations like that where people are dealing with complex emotions. We were never allowed to go to funerals growing up (just not the done thing back then) but even now as an adult I find them really upsetting and awkward and I don't want ds growing up with the same hangups about it. But it obviously depends on the individual case and circumstances and what the immediate family need and want.

I took my 3 and 5 year old
To my dads funeral recently there was also a newborn and a 9 month old there. 9 month old started crying so mum took him out. The celebrant? I think that's the name said how lovely it was to have children there and they did bring us all joy and a welcome distraction from the sadness. But I suppose it's just how people feel personally. I was annoyed because someone got really pissed and was laughing loads (not in the actual funeral , but after) and that really annoyed me (I was being over emotional really) grief affects everyone so differently ...but that annoyed me more than a crying child would have.

I took my daughter to her grandfather's funeral a couple of months before her second birthday.

My mother in law made very clear that she wanted her to be there and that she did not want me to put her in a black or sombre outfit.

We sat with my husband and mother in law at the front. I was prepared to take my daughter out if she became restless, but it wasn't necessary as she behaved perfectly throughout with no need for colouring or other distractions.

At the end of the service, as the coffin was carried out of the church, she waved and said "Goodbye Grandpa". It was very sweet.

One of my cousins brought her baby to my dad's funeral and it was the nicest thing ever: it really cheered us all up to see them there on what was otherwise such a sad day.