To use the kids Christmas money to get me through January?

[darkmorning]

In a way I don’t know why I’m asking as I don’t have a choice really, but if the overall consensus is absolutely not I suppose I can use a credit card or something.

PIL gave both children £50 for their savings accounts. I’d have to put the cash in my bank account and transfer to their savings accounts: plan is to do this after I’ve been paid in January. Should I? Or is this just horrible?

I would use the credit card, as you don't want to find yourself in the same position next month and unable to pay it back.

@darkmorning OP does your husband not know you are having financial problems?? have you kept this secret from him hence your reticence to involve him???

So your husband invited them and were then forced to buy their food? Are you saying you’re in an abusive relationship

Theres nothing to say the OP is in an abusive relationship. It’s not that unusual that one partner would issue an invitation and then the couple need to buy food to host that they hadn’t necessarily planned for. At this time of year it’s easy for unexpected expenses to pop up, ideally everyone would have savings put aside to cover but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.

I don’t blame @darkmorning for not wanting to talk about her DH given how freely people are picking apart her finances and her marriage with the minimum of information.

Eh?

That was lovely of you to take over and respond for the op.

Would PIL’s consider giving you some petrol money if you are struggling to this degree ? I’m sure they would never consider that the £50 they give to DC’s to have to go on petrol for visiting them. Please get your DH to reach out to them (not sure what’s going on with your DH though….why is this all falling on you?)

Are their savings mostly from extended family or do you and DP save for them as a regular monthly thing?

If the latter - stop doing this. If you cannot afford to build savings for the family generally you can't afford to put money in childrens names where you can't access it.

Its more important for the family security to have family savings - what if the boiler breaks in January.

I've never understood people who save for their children but don't have savings themselves - what if someone loses their job and money to pay the mortgage is tight, money locked into a children's isa is no good then. All well and good saving for kids but more important you don't lose their home growing up, than they have money saved for when they are 18

Absolutely this. Use the money and pay it back next month.

What is also ridiculous is your and DH approach to money - spending it, discussing it, sharing it.
You are a family with a long road ahead of you to raise your children- feed them, clothe them, educate them, take them on trips.
You need to sit down and have an adult conversation about income and expenditure- what you have, what you need, and how that will be sensibly organised from 2025 onwards.

Sorry OP but there is clearly a very big back story here that you're not happy to share.

You say you earn a lot but if you do, and your DH earns too, something is badly wrong with your budgeting because you have no savings and are scrimping to buy food next month.

You mention direct debits and I wonder if you are using the right term?
Do you not pay utility bills with a DD?

I know you don't want to talk about it here, but you appear to have some fairly serious money issues (to have no savings at all) and some relationship issues which you say you don't want to discuss.

To run out of money for food is very serious issue and if you were being honest you'd accept that and not post about borrowing your kids' Xmas money. The fact that you have to ask here shows it's a bigger problem than you're admitting.

Do you need to get some advice on budgeting from someone impartial?

Yes it will take a long time. My point is until you have this safety net, you absolutely can’t afford to pay into savings for your children. Limit it to one month’s salary if you like - do it at a rate of £100 per month, as you are currently doing for DC. Then this issue won’t arise in future. As others have said, if you already have credit card debt then this needs to be paid off first, before you start any savings.

savings for children are very much a “nice to have” and not in any way a necessity. Paying for food, car and bills are all in the necessity category. It sounds like you really are quite bad with money. I would visit some of the money advice websites as a priority in the new year and make a new plan for your finances.

That's a good point could you ask them?

That was lovely of you to take over and respond for the op.

Almost as lovely as you speculating about the nature of her marriage when she had clearly said she didn’t want to talk about her husband.

Your posts are all I... I... I... You talk about a DH and PIL, so where is he/ his money in all this?
You say you'll definitely pay it back 100% in Jan, but honestly I think your financial priorities are screwed - you put £100 savings locked away for DC every month, but you can't afford to buy them food and you've CC debt that you can't manage.
Really think about this going into 2025 - sort out your finances/ priorities.
Also you'll spend £70 on fuel for the car, but only £30 on food for the 4 of you for the month???? Like I said, Priorities!!!

It’s fine, I’ve had to do it a couple of times for emergencies. I’ve paid it back into the account within a few weeks and always add £20 or something as a kind of interest fee to appease my guilt and make her "up" on the deal 😭. She can’t use it until she’s 18 so it makes no difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of things. I say this as someone who diligently puts every pound my kids are ever given into their accounts. I know it’s not a nice feeling but needs must and you are repaying it so don’t worry.

If you are at the point of borrowing your children's Christmas money rather than talking to your DH then you have more problems than that of your cash flow. Why is it only your problem and not his too?

100% agree with this. From what you’ve said OP does sound like cash flow issue - once off with Xmas expenses and getting paid less. You’re preschoolers have no idea in theory that money even exists for and you’re planning on transferring to their account in 4-5 weeks. I’m actually incredulous that so many responses are telling you to use a credit card instead of this.

Also surprised that people are suggesting you don’t go to see PIL to avoid your preschoolers not having £50 each for a couple of weeks 😂 Please ignore this and have fun with grandparents- this is all part of the magic of Xmas for kids if you ask me and life is too short

From your previous posts you suggest this is the first time this has happened and whilst you do have somE debts already you have a good plan for paying them back which is good. However as @custardpyjamas suggests might be good to sit down and look at finances closely with spreadsheet etc to make sure this is not part of a bigger problem that needs fixing. I appreciate and respect you don’t want to discuss your partner here but if they are around / involved they should part of this discussion too.

I do agree with PP who have suggested if you’re paying back a few credit cards, perhaps pause the savings on into the children’s account and pay off credit cards faster so you’re not spending more time paying back interest and in the medium term might have more cash for you and for the kids!

Enjoy PIL and rest of holidays

Money experts will tell you that you should have at least 6 months salary as savings.

This is to cover emergencies like heating, cars packing up, washing machines breaking down, other unexpected household expenses, and being made redundant.

It's madness to save for your kids if you can't buy food.

You should ideally be able to save something every month, for yourselves, and cut your cloth accordingly so you can.

My children’s dad always did this then never paid it back. Used to annoy me so much (we haven’t been together for a long time now). I’m not suggesting you’re the same since you’re bothered enough by it to post. I’d just use the credit card though.

Omg don’t get into using credit cards if you’re struggling. I’d have much rather sen my parents borrow my Christmas money than get into credit card debt. I have a family member with credit card debt abd absolutely never use them

The number of people saying it's fine is astounding.

Moral test is this.
Would you tell PIL that you had done this? If not, then no. If you'd tell them then crack on. Fairly sure I know the answer.

The bottom line is, it isn't your money.
You are effectively stealing from them (albeit with the promise to lay back, but what if next month another surprising bill lands??)

Take your own scenario out the question, and look at it like this:

You care for an elderly neighbour, you know she has £100 in a cupboard that she won't access for a few weeks, it's just her secret stash. You need £100 to pay bills. Do you take from your elderly neighbour knowing you intend to pay it back (without telling them) or would you never dream of it?
If it's the latter, then sounds to me like you need to spend the extra on the CC, and do some hard firm wallet workouts for 2025.

actually 😳 bloody hell

I well remember being so hard up that fifty or a hundred quid would make the difference between getting to the end of the month and not. And with two kids I think that food on the table is more important than their savings

You are not a monster for considering doing this, it is just sad that you are having to. Good luck.

if it gets to be a habit perhaps give the GPs the children's account numbers

I've done this before - as long as you pay it back at some point it's fine! They won't even know - and petrol / food on the table is to everyone's benefit. When my kids were younger sometimes I had to take the money I paid into their savings each month back out again as I couldn't afford it - better than starving. This time of year is always tight. Even if you paid back a tenner a month between now and the summer it'll be fine.

That's even more reason why you need to stop putting money into the kids ISAs for now.

You can't afford to be saving for them when you not only have debt, but an unexpected £100 loss is this much of a problem for you. You need a buffer.