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Original poster

MIL weird cooking times??

73 replies

Onlyme234 · 26/12/2024 21:11

MIL invited myself, my husband, my husband's sister and her boyfriend over for lunch on Boxing Day today. We were told to arrive for 12:00.

My husband and I thought that lunch would be served at around 13:00, but food didn't hit the table until 16:00! Whenever I've had guests, usually food is served within an hour or so of them arriving and then we do most of the socialising after the meal/at the table. I thought this was the norm.

MIL was in the kitchen the entire time. Every one of us went in to check on her, she wasn't flustered and seemed absolutely fine and said she didn't need any help and all was going to plan. When I went in, she was sat at the kitchen island reading her kindle with a glass of wine. I offered help and asked her if she'd like to come sit with us but she declined.

First couple of hours were good to have a catch up but after that we were starving and starting to get sleepy just being sat in the living room for 4 hours. Husband and I started to feel sick as we had only had a light breakfast because we were expecting a big lunch. By the time dinner finished, we'd all been there for 5 hours and absolutely shattered but my MIL was annoyed that my husband said we would be off shortly after dinner. She said she'd wanted to spend some time with us. I'm just confused on why she started cooking as we arrived when she could've done most of the cooking beforehand and then had some time to spend with us?

He explained that the fact the food had taken so long meant that we were all feeling a bit tired by the time it was served and we'd been there a long time already. I was thinking maybe there'd been an issue with the cooking which would've explained it but she said she'd planned for it to be served at 16:00 and for us to come at 12:00.

Please someone tell me this is weird? She's now upset we all left and feels like her day was wasted because she didn't get to spend time with us.

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 26/12/2024 21:12

Nah she's the odd one.

TimeForTeaAndG · 26/12/2024 21:15

Your husband could have easily asked if there were any snacky foods to nibble on once it was clear that the main food would not be ready for a while.

At least you know for next time.

Mashroom · 26/12/2024 21:16

Crazy .. being asked to go there for 13 I will assume soup at the very least by 1 and dinner shortly after

OrangeSlices998 · 26/12/2024 21:18

Why was she reading her kindle when she had guests over she had invited? So bizarre. And to then complain about not seeing you? Weird!

Cheepcheepcheep · 26/12/2024 21:19

This isn’t unusual in my family or at my ILs - yesterday we arrived for 12 and food was 4.45, today at ILs we arrived at 12 and food was 4.30 - we were staying over last night and tonight we left at 7.30.

But that’s always communicated so we can plan! And there’s stacks of snacky bits so everyone can graze.

I also think it’s weird to hide in the kitchen with wine - tempting though it can be! - if you actually want to see your guests.

fashionqueen0123 · 26/12/2024 21:20

Yeah that’s weird. When was she expecting everyone to eat lunch??10am before you came?

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2024 21:21

Not unusual here - that was our timing for Christmas Day and my DPs are hosting a second Christmas tomorrow and that will be the timing too. But there's plenty of champagne and nibbles to go round before then.

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2024 21:22

Its odd but I have no idea why you felt sick and tired, you aren't toddlers.
Plus why couldn't you or DH go and get snacks from the kitchen?

Nc546888 · 26/12/2024 21:23

Super weird. I’d want to say…if you wanted to spend time with us why were you in another room reading a book?!

fashionqueen0123 · 26/12/2024 21:24

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2024 21:22

Its odd but I have no idea why you felt sick and tired, you aren't toddlers.
Plus why couldn't you or DH go and get snacks from the kitchen?

Yes her DH should have gone and said something! Asked when the food was coming and if it wasn’t for a while where is the bread and some crisps! Could have got some cakes out too.

But I would feel sick if I had had breakfast at say 8am and then wasn’t eating until 4. That would make me feel faint.

KneesUnder · 26/12/2024 21:24

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the timings, just her failure to communicate them. Presumably the idea was you’d spend a day together before a late lunch/early dinner. If they had only communicated this so you could have had a hearty brunch it would have been fine.

Mamabear999 · 26/12/2024 21:25

It’s completely weird.

Theunamedcat · 26/12/2024 21:25

Ex mil once put the veg on before we left the house we lived a good 35 minute drive away then she continued to cook the death out of these peas over an hour and a half we had pea skins with orange mush (carrot's) and potatoes (I think) once she had plated up she began microwaving the food to warm it up she actually refused to eat her food after she cooked it she sat there and moaned instead

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2024 21:27

I absolutely admire a woman who takes a break from cooking Christmas lunch to read her book and have a glass of wine in peace.

Createausername1970 · 26/12/2024 21:28

Yes, that is odd. Staying in the kitchen to read her kindle then saying she hadn't spent time with you. That's down to her for poor time planning.

And if there is going to be a big gap between arrival and the food being served, that should be communicated beforehand too, just so you can plan your breakfast timings or have something on the way.

sofski91 · 26/12/2024 21:30

Memory issues? First sign of dementia in my grandmother was lunch at 4pm. Started to loose the concept of time.

lightsandtunnels · 26/12/2024 21:32

Definitely a bit weird on her part. Next time best to ask what time food will be served - she should have told you really. If you knew it'd be at 4pm then you could have had snacks beforehand or offered to take a grazing board or something for you all to snack on.

nationalsausagefund · 26/12/2024 21:37

@Theunamedcat Ooh, we must share a MIL. Fairly certain mine’s started boiling the vegetables for Christmas 2025 already.

MrsCarson · 26/12/2024 21:39

She's being weird. Especially sitting alone in the kitchen when everyone was there.

PiastriThePastry · 26/12/2024 21:44

What an absolute weirdo 😂 the timings, eh, whatever, to each their own I guess but she could’ve communicated to you a little better, particularly as you seem very dependant on food timings being ‘right’… but the sitting in the kitchen reading her kindle with a glass of wine while having guests int he other room then whinging she wanted to spend time with you 😂

catandcoffee · 26/12/2024 21:47

Weird and the fact she sat with a glass of wine on her kindle,alone, is ever weirder.

milveycrohn · 26/12/2024 21:55

I always tell guests the expected time to arrive and also what time we are sitting down to eat. Ie; arrive at x to sit down at y tines.
Personally, I would find eating at 4.00 a bit awkward as its too late for lunch, but too early for dinner.
Obviously, the real problem is the lack of communication about what time you were eating. Then you would be able to plan accordingly

Pottedpalm · 26/12/2024 22:02

You felt sick? Really? Ask for some snacks.

HotCrossBunplease · 26/12/2024 22:07

Why is your husband unable to communicate with his mother about something as basic as “what time are eating Mum?” and “oh well we’ll need a snack then, haven’t eaten since 8am”

I mean, surely he had practice at asking her for food when he actually lived with her?!

Imisschocolate17 · 26/12/2024 22:10

Her sitting on her own with her kindle is odd but from the descriptions in your post it does seem you are very regimented, nothing you have described should have had the impact you have said on two grown adults, when guests you are on your hosts timetable not yours if that's an issue for you as this seems to have been then surely you ask in advance what the plan is??