MIL weird cooking times??

[Onlyme234]

MIL invited myself, my husband, my husband's sister and her boyfriend over for lunch on Boxing Day today. We were told to arrive for 12:00.

My husband and I thought that lunch would be served at around 13:00, but food didn't hit the table until 16:00! Whenever I've had guests, usually food is served within an hour or so of them arriving and then we do most of the socialising after the meal/at the table. I thought this was the norm.

MIL was in the kitchen the entire time. Every one of us went in to check on her, she wasn't flustered and seemed absolutely fine and said she didn't need any help and all was going to plan. When I went in, she was sat at the kitchen island reading her kindle with a glass of wine. I offered help and asked her if she'd like to come sit with us but she declined.

First couple of hours were good to have a catch up but after that we were starving and starting to get sleepy just being sat in the living room for 4 hours. Husband and I started to feel sick as we had only had a light breakfast because we were expecting a big lunch. By the time dinner finished, we'd all been there for 5 hours and absolutely shattered but my MIL was annoyed that my husband said we would be off shortly after dinner. She said she'd wanted to spend some time with us. I'm just confused on why she started cooking as we arrived when she could've done most of the cooking beforehand and then had some time to spend with us?

He explained that the fact the food had taken so long meant that we were all feeling a bit tired by the time it was served and we'd been there a long time already. I was thinking maybe there'd been an issue with the cooking which would've explained it but she said she'd planned for it to be served at 16:00 and for us to come at 12:00.

Please someone tell me this is weird? She's now upset we all left and feels like her day was wasted because she didn't get to spend time with us.

Well, 4pm is way too late for lunch and far too early for dinner. I’d be equally hungry and baffled!

It's really weird. She could have spent time with you all instead of sitting in the kitchen alone
It would have helped if she'd given you an idea of timings
Personally if I was hosting I would put out nibbles and bits for guests to help themselves to as standard, and drinks topped up.

I think 4pm is a great time to eat a celebration meal, when there simply isn't enough time in the day or room in the stomach to eat two full meals. We often have a big Sunday roast in the late afternoon for that reason, with a light breakfast/brunch late morning.

I also don't think it is especially weird to invite family over well before food is served. Again, it would be normal in our house.

But both are odd if it is out of the norm for your family and there was no communication about timings beforehand. And no snacks.

This is exactly what my MIL does. To those saying ask for snacks, she'd be absolutely bewildered and have no idea why you were asking. Plus you're not allowed in the kitchen while she's "cooking."
I take my own food now because I get hangry otherwise. But I do feel it's really rude

I'm.not sure why you didn't say you were starving hungry. Would that have been hard to say ? .sorry if I missed a significant update

I will never forget the last time I had Xmas lunch at the in-laws. We all sat down for a starter (they do a 4 course Xmas lunch) - great. Then FIL and MIL go to the kitchen to BEGIN FROM SCRATCH a traditional Xmas lunch ! The rest of us were left sitting at the table for a few hours and getting desperately hungry. Like you did , we offered help but it was all going to plan and they insisted we stay at the table. We barely saw them it seemed such a shame.

I couldn’t imagine in that scenario, being at my mum’s house, not saying to my mum that I’d only had a light breakfast so could we eat earlier or ask if there were any nibbles on the go. Couldn’t your DH or his sister ask about it? 4pm is late for lunch though.

This is pretty much exactly our timings too. Christmas dinner around 4pm,like a Sunday dinner. A long relaxed meal and the only meal of the day.

Guests arrive early afternoon, drinks, presents, chat, cooking. Dinner served about 4 and we are at the table for at least a few hours, yesterday dinner was about 4-8pm

Its hard to leave all the things that are cooking to go into another room and sit sometimes, without having to jump straight back up again or something will burn. Not unreasonable to have your wine and your kindle, music, radio, whatever in the kitchen.

Surely you can last a few hours without eating. Christmas dinner is always our first meal of the day, and was yesterday, nobody of any generation had a problem with this.

The next time she invites you..ask what time you're eating and then arrive an hour before that.
It was weird and really rude of her to sit reading and drinking wine in a different room

i am just agog at the poor hosting people are describing as normal. I have cooked all celebration meals for my family for 50 years and people are invited for an hour or half an hour before dinner is served. If we are having drinks and appetizers beforehand the entire meal is still ready to go at the appointed hour. I would never invite people four hours before food if I was not also offering them a light meal or snacks snd drinks to tide them over.

That's normal for many people on Christmas Day.

Today is Boxing Day. If I'm invited for a Boxing Day lunch, I certainly wouldn't be expecting to eat after it's gone dark!

I also feel sick and lightheaded when I'm really hungry, so completely understand where OP is coming from.

I have also hosted all family meals for decades, I am hosting multiple times this Christmas and work incredibly hard to do so. I think hosts should be thanked!

Agree. It's poor form to offer nothing for hours on end, especially if you've invited people for lunch with the intention of serving at dinnertime.

Do you invite your guests around and ignore them for 4 hours? That is what OP is describing.

It's odd to invite for lunch and then not serve up till 4! I would have asked if you could have some biscuits or a small snack with a cuppa to keep you going! It's unreasonable for her to get upset that you didn't want to stay late if you'd been there all afternoon and she was sat reading in the kitchen while cooking.

When she's got guests??

Sounds like DM other than the Kindle. If she said that Christmas Lunch was going to be at 1pm, tank up to last until 3pm before getting hungry.

A late meal is fine... if you're prepared for it.

On reaching adulthood and cooking for myself, it was somewhat surprising how quick and easy cooking was after growing up with years of fussing about it.

Update: there were no snacks or nibbles. Husband went to ask and she kept saying dinner would be ready soon. He asked at 2pm after a couple hours and she said the food would be half an hour. Then didn't hit the table for 90 minutes.
This is very different to Christmas with my side of the family and how MIL has hosted in the past so was really confused by it. DH and his sister aren't particularly close and It's the first time we've met her boyfriend so the conversation wasn't exactly sparkling either

If this is out of character then keep an eye on her and maybe get your DH to check in with his dad.

I have a family member who started to display behaviours that were out of character. Nothing serious, nothing that you would worry about as one-offs, but after a while I realised they actually weren't one-offs. After one particularly confusing set of text messages I did have a quiet word with her husband and it turned out he was quite worried and actually very relieved to be able to talk to me and DH.

What was she cooking?

On Christmas Day I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, simply because I was having to juggle a lot of different things going in and out of the oven - if I'd gone and sat down and started chatting/drinking, something would've been forgotten/burnt. However the timing is a bit odd, my lunch was on the table 20 mins after the estimated time but several hours is a bit much!

This.

in fact, I was wondering if DH has undiagnosed diabetes and/or should see a doctor

MIL rocks!

Being really hungry makes me feel sick, 4 hrs of small talk- I’d be tired.

Yeah that's not good hosting. Tbh she sounds like one of those people who believes they love hosting but actually finds it phenomenally stressful.

I think taking gifts of major snacks which you can then open is probably the way forward. Agreed also that it may be a sign of cognitive decline, so keep an eye out.

It’s a bit odd to have no snacks or nibbles.

But it’s also a bit odd for adults to be sleepy and weak because they skipped lunch and had an early dinner instead.