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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leave 6 year old at home with 13 year old

94 replies

PrettyPleaseXo · 26/12/2024 21:10

AIBU
I really want to start the gym
I'm a single parent with no childcare who works full time so the only time I could feasibly go is early in the mornings when the kids are in bed. Would it be unreasonable to leave the kids sleeping with a 13 year old and 6 year old?
I would be gone for roughly 1.5hrs

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/12/2024 21:11

How sensible is the 13 year old?

menopausalmare · 26/12/2024 21:11

I wouldn't risk it.

Tangerinenets · 26/12/2024 21:11

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you can’t leave two children home alone. Fgs 🙄

Grievingxmas · 26/12/2024 21:11

If the 13yo is awake yes.

StressedQueen · 26/12/2024 21:12

It depends on how responsible both your children are - whether your 13 year old doesn't mind and is sensible and how misbehaved your 6 year old might be. Whether they get along too.

Depending on that, I don't see a problem, but the 13 year old would have to be awake. I have a 13 year old son and a 6 year old daughter and I'd leave them alone if necessary for a bit but I haven't had to much because I have older children too.

Comedycook · 26/12/2024 21:13

No I wouldn't do this. Generally I think an average 13 year old would be fine to be left but not to be responsible for a younger DC.

I'm sure it's tough being a single parent and not being able to do these things. YouTube has some great workout videos.

Evaka · 26/12/2024 21:13

As PP said, if the 13 yo is mature. When I was 13 I babysat every Saturday night for a family with a newborn, a 2 and a 4 yo. I knew what to do in an emergency.

Original poster
PrettyPleaseXo · 26/12/2024 21:14

Thank you everyone. Genuinely wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not. 13 year old is mature but wouldn't appreciate being woken up at 5.30am so I can go to the gym so that answers my question Smile

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 26/12/2024 21:14

Its so tough when all you want is a moment to yourself to do something you enjoy/benefit from. But yes I would say your are BU. Putely because at 13, it's too young to shoulder that responsibility. If anything bad was to happen, it wouldn't be only you that would have to live with it but DC13 too.Can you pay a babysitter so you can go twice a week after dinner? I have DS12 and DS5 and honestly could not imagine leaving my 6 year olds life in the hands of my 12 year old.

WaitingforStrike · 26/12/2024 21:15

No, especially as they would be asleep. The 13 year old would have to rouse themselves and then get the 6 year old out in an emergency.
An hour and a half is too long.

Clearinguptheclutter · 26/12/2024 21:15

If the 13 year old is sensible and has access to a phone and you do too, and it’s not far away then I might do this sometimes.

i think it’s a bit unfair on the 13 yo on a regular basis though. Once 14 I think better

i feel for you though, I desperately need my exercise

WaitingforStrike · 26/12/2024 21:16

Since you work, you must have some childcare? Could that be extended by an hour a few times a week? I would leave the 13 year old alone after school for example, if the younger one could stay at a childminders a bit longer.

Clearinguptheclutter · 26/12/2024 21:17

Oh at 5.30 am def not, sorry. Perhaps doable in certain circs when the younger one can be trusted to just watch tv/a screen.

Original poster
PrettyPleaseXo · 26/12/2024 21:17

WaitingforStrike · 26/12/2024 21:16

Since you work, you must have some childcare? Could that be extended by an hour a few times a week? I would leave the 13 year old alone after school for example, if the younger one could stay at a childminders a bit longer.

I work from 9-6 and have to leave home at 8.10am and don't get home till 7pm x

OP posts:
TherapyFrog · 26/12/2024 21:17

Shmee1988 · 26/12/2024 21:14

Its so tough when all you want is a moment to yourself to do something you enjoy/benefit from. But yes I would say your are BU. Putely because at 13, it's too young to shoulder that responsibility. If anything bad was to happen, it wouldn't be only you that would have to live with it but DC13 too.Can you pay a babysitter so you can go twice a week after dinner? I have DS12 and DS5 and honestly could not imagine leaving my 6 year olds life in the hands of my 12 year old.

This ^^

It's so hard but if anything were to happen it would be terrifying/potentially traumatising for your 13 year old. Such a hard balance to find, but it may need to be home workouts instead for a while if that's doable?

Suimai · 26/12/2024 21:18

My 13yo takes care of her 7yo brother when I’m at work and her older sister has to be out. I do 12 hour shifts but I’m a home carer so only ever a ten min walk from the house, and I come home between breakfast/lunch/dinner/bed calls. I have no family, no childminders who work those times and I’ve applied for jobs with better hours but go nowhere yet. I need to keep a roof over our heads. Your situation would be a non issue for me

stargazerlil · 26/12/2024 21:18

Also depends if they get on. My older sister used to bully me a lot.

Onlyvisiting · 26/12/2024 21:19

Not if the 13 yo is asleep, that's not fair. What if the 6yo wakes up and the 13yo doesn't? You have a unsupervised 6yo in the house with free access to setting the kitchen on fire etc.

Poppyseeds79 · 26/12/2024 21:20

How far away is the gym? I take it DC13 has a mobile? I think the main issue is DC6 waking up and being scared you're not there. I mean would you inform the little one you'd be doing this, or not? Obviously you'd tell the eldest.

Basketballhoop · 26/12/2024 21:20

13 year old, fine. 6 year old with him, absolutely not fair on him. I am the slackest of parents and no way would I leave a just teenager in charge of a much younger sibling like that.

Poppyseeds79 · 26/12/2024 21:21

How far off 14 is DD?

grimupnorthnot · 26/12/2024 21:22

its perfectly safe and normal.

Another post showing how fucked up British parenting is.

BogRollBOGOF · 26/12/2024 21:22

My concern with a sleeping 13yo is that they can often be heavy sleepers if there is an issue.

If they are both sensible children for their ages and the 13yo is happy about it, it's fine in waking hours.

I have an 11 & 13yo and they've been fine to leave together for a couple of hours at a time over the past year (it's built up gradually). The 11yo is actually the more practical child. I don't leave them in the morning until one of them is awake though.

PropertyGeek525 · 26/12/2024 21:22

Is it essential you go to the gym? Surely you can do some things at home in the morning. Leaving 2 sleeping children is not a good idea.

RegulatorsMountUp · 26/12/2024 21:23

PrettyPleaseXo · 26/12/2024 21:14

Thank you everyone. Genuinely wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not. 13 year old is mature but wouldn't appreciate being woken up at 5.30am so I can go to the gym so that answers my question Smile

Just put Joe wicks etc on you tube and work out at home. Lots of second hand equipment on Facebook etc like treadmills and cross trainers etc.