Annoyed that friend just told us to be punctual for dinner

[Anuta77]

I just read her message and I think I'm dreaming.

It's a couple with kids who is inviting us for dinner. Initially I wanted to invite them and other people and contacted her to ask about her schedule as she's a nurse with strange working schedule and suddenly she decided to host instead. Well, ok.

So I asked her what to bring and talked about a recipe I wanted to try that could compliment her turkey. And suddenly I'm seeing that she tells me to come at 15h and be punctual so we can spend more time together.

It's funny because they are not particularly punctual (not to generalize, but they are latin and it's not rare that they are at least 30 min late) and typically our gatherings were never so formal. I'm kind of turned off.

Perhaps she’s had to host AND ask for punctuality because she’s got a shift tonight?

What is your cultural background? You seem to have read a fair bit of offence into this, so I wonder if it’s a cultural difference?

It's just telling people to be punctual out of nowhere shows a lack of trust. We are not the type to totally ignore the time, but we leave over 35 min away, so could be some minutes late, but nothing horrible.
She doesn't work at night, her job is to visit patients at home.

I can't say I would be too annoyed at this - was it via text? It could have been meant in a much nicer way? It might just be a way to say they want to have some time with you before the child goes to bed?

Can't help feeling this isn't as much of a big deal as you're thinking it is

I can see why that's annoying but maybe it's because she's used to being late or people around her being late so that's why by she said it, because she's used to people being flexible with timings and wanted to make clear she wants people at that time.

I think she's just telling you that she's looking forward to spending time with you. To be honest, it doesn't matter how far away you live, you can make the effort to build time into your journey so you're on time even if there's a delay, especially as Google maps will tell you how long the journey could take at a certain point in the day.

Why does it matter how far away you live? Surely you allow for that in your timing? Or are you often late?

I don't think it is about you, maybe she has different experiences with different guests, if she is from a community where being late is more common, she might be saying that this time the timing matters (as a meal is served).

I suppose you don't like the word punctual, maybe it sounds too blunt to you, to the extent that you would use it only when feeling like going nuclear? It probably doesn't have the same connotations for her. Just take it as it was meant, trying to ensure that you have a good time together.

I think it's fair enough to know where you stand with an invite. Maybe it would've been more polite to phrase it like, please arrive at 3pm as we'll be serving up dinner at 4pm then I'm afraid I'm working at x time/kids need to be in bed by X time etc. just to explain the itinerary if she has something else to do.
Or if I feared someone would be late I'd tell them a time half hour before I actually wanted them.
I honestly wouldn't be offended by that.
I've found that people who are sometimes quite late often ask others to be prompt!

This wouldn't offend me.

Often my friends and I make loose plans to meet up around 3. This means people trickle in from about 3.20-4pm.

I actually try not to arrive bang on 3, in case the hosts are a bit delayed with setting up.

But if she's decided she wants a specific start time (especially if she's got plans later on), I'd appreciate her letting me know and I'd be sure to get there for 3.

Maybe it’s to do with getting the kids to bed at a certain time? I don’t know but if you’re good enough friends to have christmas lunch together, it’s an odd thing to be peeved about. Does it really matter? I hope you had a nice time together x

That's how I would go about it, but I'm realizing that I might be too sensitive about this. I'm wondering if she found that we're so badly unpunctual that it was important to tell us. But yes, several times they came almost an hour late to my son's birthday LOL.

The start time of a gathering is only a guide time

Sounds like they’re making it clear what time they want you to arrive

no drama here but yet you have found some

Not really. Her youngest is one year younger than ours and I never heard that she goes to bed early. And her oldest is a preteen. And it's not like we're going to stay until 11 pm.

I think you're the one who found drama, I just expressed that I found it strange. That's far away from drama in my books.

You get invited to something by your friend and she says oh be here for 3 yet you find it strange and come to post about it

That in my book is needless drama

I mean don’t get me wrong I am partial to a bit of MN drama 😂😂

They are perhaps projecting onto you? They are frequently late so they assume others are too and so want to make it clear that 3 means 3 and not between 3and 4. Don't take it personally it's more about them than you and tbf it's nice to have clarity.

I’d be irritated by this. Someone who is routinely late to my events doesn’t get to turn around and tell me to be punctual to theirs. Their time isn’t more important than mine.

I’d be on time, because I always am, but I’d take pleasure in returning the annoying “make sure you’re punctual!” comment in future.

I would read her message almost in exactly the opposite way:
She is not normally big on punctuality, but this time it matters. So this time she puts it in the invite.
It doesn't have to mean she thinks you're not an on-time person. Perhaps she knows SHE isn't an on-time person, and therefore you might reasonably assume her invite is approximately - but it is not this time, so she clarifies.
Speaking as a person with two always-late and two on-time siblings.

Reply with a joking - will be following your example lol .

It what world is it strange when someone is cooking for you to be punctual?

Id absolutely hate it if I was hosting a meal and someone just rocked up when they felt like it. It’s really rude.

Don’t go if you can’t be arsed to go when she has asked 🤯

I work for a Spanish bank. So being a bit late for stuff is culturally the norm, if she’s Latin but asked you to be punctual, she’s telling you to please be on time, rather than using Latin time. For whatever reason. It’s an acknowledgement that late/relaxed with timings is usually OK, but not today, please, thank you.

She wants to see you. She's hosting and has children who go to bed by a set time.
She's thinking about how she will cope with her shifts and all.

So, she's saying - think less about the dish you bring but please rather arrive on time because I'd love to see you.

Not offensive. She's being practical.

Asspirations of punctuality from the chronically late. Jajajaja.