I'll try not to go into all the petty details, but basically this afternoon (Christmas Day) my partner lost it with me, shouting, pointing his finger in my face and calling me a fing c in front of the children (3 and 5). Then more shouting saying that after Christmas he is f*ing leaving because he can't live with me any more. Then he started sort of roaring and both me and our 5 year old were crying because he was scaring us.
This was on the face of it because of some miscommunication about what time dinner was going to be. He then said (shouted) that he shouldn't have lost his temper, but it was my fault because he was tired. He was tired because we were up until 12.30 last night laying out the presents for the children, and the reason we were doing that so late (he says) is because I had made dinner late.
Basically his point is that I never listen to him, am never on time, and this causes chaos which then makes him look like the bad guy because he loses his rag.
This kind of thing happens all the time. In the moment I feel like it isn't fair but I can't keep to my train of thought. He bombards me with accusations about all the things I do wrong and how selfish I am. I am in floods of tears and can't think of anything to say, I just try and talk calmly and say, well, can't we just move on? Any way I try to defend myself or disagree with him he either shouts me down or just goes, "Oh ok" in a horrible voice.
So I feel that he has ruined Christmas, and I don't know where to go from here. However he thinks I have ruined it by being chaotic.
I don't really know how to change if it is my fault. I don't really believe I am chaotic, just sometimes we're not on completely the same wavelength. He is quite an angry person a lot of the time.