To think that there was a sort of peak Christmas in the 90s and that really nobody wants the huge event?

[AlertCat]

I keep seeing threads about how one person in a household has tried really hard to make the day special, with the right food and drink, presents and games and company, only to find their efforts under-appreciated by the others in their family.
Here, I normally try and create that perfect day- despite talking loudly about how it’s unnecessary! But this year I have felt so tired all autumn, I haven’t had the heart to put in the usual level of effort. And it’s been lovely: we have had a chilled day with a long dog walk, a present swap, and then everyone doing their own thing and cooking bits and pieces- we ate late but it was a delicious combined effort! There’s been more than enough food, although I felt guilty when I did the shopping that I did more convenience stuff than usual, but have been glad of that today. In fact there are enough leftovers to eat for about three days!

Importantly for me, I haven’t felt resentful or overloaded with jobs and work. It’s been a nice level of pleasant pottering in the kitchen, for really good results on the plate!

So my question is to ask, AIBU to think that most of us don’t really want wall to wall perfect food, with special stuffing and bread sauce and three types of potato; that we don’t all need all the presents on our lists, and that a relaxed day with just nice, easy food and company is actually perfect? Less is more at Christmas?

I think you’re being unreasonable @AlertCat to claim that “we all don’t want” X or Y.

this is a forum of thousands of users, there’s no way you can try and draw trends or inference

I personally have a lower key Christmas than most but I’d argue with the rise of Instagram, Facebook etc, plenty of folk still like to go “all out” but this time they show everyone how festive they are, rather than the 90s where they just told you

Also, you may be a certain age which means your core memories were from an era that gives you confirmation bias etc

Nah, I love a massive Christmas with presents and food and people.
We’ve had less people here today and the massive gathering is at my mum’s tomorrow.
My kids have the same Christmas at their nan’s with all their cousins and uncles and aunties that I had growing up in the 90s.
It feels different when you’re the grown up but it’s a different perspective on the same thing for me.

The 90s was my late teens/first half of my 20s.
I barely remember the Christmas's then.
I'm not sure the 90s was "peak" Christmas.
I'm actually not sure what you mean.

Thinking about this I’m not actually old enough to have been there but if you think about the music we all play at Christmas then maybe the 70s and 80s were actually peak Christmas.
I stand by my Christmas is the same as it ever was.

I suppose I mean that Christmas seemed to be planned to perfection, with starters and special stuffing, and themes for decorations, and people dressed up in smart clothes for the occasion. Maybe they still do! I don’t see that though in my own circle these days and nor when I go out on Christmas Day for a walk, even if we pass the pub and people going to have lunch there (you don’t expect smart clothes on a dog walk). I just have the impression that people are doing less, but maybe it’s just me.

I've just had a lovely Christmas Day with 2 DS and Dil.We didn't have 3 typs of potato but we had chicken, stuffing, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, nut roast, chicken gravy, vegan gravy, normal and vegan pigs in blankets, parsnips in bacon, and the vegan equivalent, cheesy leeks, spouts, roast carrots, roast potatoes. normal and vegan yorkies. Dining room was decorated, table looked fantastic with a holly centrepiece, sparkling glassware, napkins, crackers.

I dress up for Christmas! But I did exchange the green satin sandals for old trainers when we did the dog walk.

I don't know about peak Christmas.
But I despair at the thought of the millions of women feeling societal pressure to put on a "Perfect Christmas"
Big turkey, all nicely cooked, great gifts, her in a lovely outfit all nicely done up, all drinks provided to all guests and everyone having a lovely time... Except her... Because she's fucking exhausted with planning and cooking and prepping and wrapping and buying. Etc.

I want every woman on this planet to become selfish bastards at Christmas. 🤪

Decide what their idea Christmas is and go for it.
Want to doss about in PJs all day eating cake and ignoring every fucker? Do it..
Want to tell family to go fuck themselves cause you're buggering off to Laos for the holiday? Do it..
Want to cook the big turkey and have family and friends round? Do that too .. but make sure every fucker helps.

So on and so on.

The perfect Christmas looks different for everyone and everyone should get to have theirs.

90's Christmases were neither here nor there for me at the time. I think if I knew what I knew now ie being ill, losing family and friends, I'd have made more of them and previous Christmases.

I think late 70s-80s Christmases were the best because I was young, it was about family and not things so much. Then again, that might be all rose tinted specs and nostalgia.

Christmas in the nineties was absolutely glorious and my husband did say today that I always seem to be aiming for that again and I'm gutted when we don't achieve it, which is totally fair!

I think a lot depends on the generations and where your family is in terms of young kids etc.

I feel the opposite - everyone is now opting for pared-down events and no friends want to do anything anymore because more than two (family) events during the entire holiday is too much and I am positively underwhelmed.

And then because we have three kids everyone goes like "you guys must be so busy" and "overfed" and I am like no... MORE Christmas please.

No magic in moderation.

We have a fairly basic Christmas I think, similar to what I had in the 90s.

Kids up and open stockings, then wait around for 5 mins playing with their stocking tat while we make a coffee (and had a morning cig before we quit!)

Then tree presents opened, the buying and wrapping is down to me (though we discuss what to get them/I ask OHs opinion)

Chill for the rest of the day until dinner which is at a normal time, if slightly early for us (5/5.30 instead of 6.30ish). FIL arrives early afternoon and stays until late evening, but he's not hard to host for.

Dinner is just a roast with a few extra veg and christmas crackers (and trifle!) this year we did do a couple of different meats, but normally it's just chicken because turkey is nothing special (in our opinion). Dinner is OHs domain and I don't do anything except buy it, set the table and maybe help dish up.

I think you need to go and have a look at some of the Christmas decorating groups on Facebook... Themes galore! . Or the Christmas Forum on here where you'll see loads of posts about planning, starters, special stuffing and what to wear on the day... .

I'm an 80s baby so most of the Christmas celebrations that I remember are at the end of the 80s/early 90s. And I have a nostalgia for them in a way that I suspect my parents don't! But I basically try to recreate the Christmas of my childhood for my son because it was such a happy time.

I think it's just your age OP, more relaxed about stuff, but the nineties was some time, so probably some nostalgia hitting!

Quite possibly!!

Had a massive xams - hosted 12, had guests yesterday evening too, lots of work and very expensive. Completely knackered. BUT had a really lovely memorable day, dressed up, decorated, masses of lovely food and hugely and loudly appreciated by everyone present, plus contributions from all and loads of help. I don't love Xmas consumerism but memories need something to hang on, and relationships need stoking, so going all out once a year for people who appreciate it is a nice thing to do. Nothing wrong with a relaxed day if that does it for you, but special is nice too.

@AlertCat I don't really remember Christmas in the 90s being like that - at least not in my family/friend circle.
Although in the 90s several of us in my family worked in retail so we barely got time off work to even think about our own Christmas. I worked in Woolies so it was a lot of "most wanted" toys that would sell out and big releases of CDs and Videos. People bought a LOT of Terry's Chocolate Oranges.
I don't remember nearly as many Christmas markets/fairs happening then as they do now. Did Christmas jumpers etc exist then? I don't remember them. But then as I stuck in Woolies with just Christmas Day off it may have just passed me by.

i agree OP. I think people did bigger celebrations in the 90s… in the sense of having more people over. I remember going to visit lots of relatives and have to drop presents at each (I was born in the 80s so 90s was my childhood). Maybe people didn’t spend as much as they do these days (like buffet food was cheap and simple and not as many sides with Xmas dinner) and we didn’t do experiences like winter wonderland and all that crap, but it was all about having people over and seeing people. I remember early 00s lots of Nigella on tv about food for hosting. It was like that peak of Christmas hosting and having nice food. Now you never see any programmes like that on tv.

i think the the trend is for experiences that people can show off on insta, but i also see lots of people opting for a smaller Christmas, possibly only inviting a few people over and basically chilling out the rest of the time. I know I do this too.

Possibly because people are knackered. Work is tiring, a lot of people work long hours so they get to Christmas and want a break and not hosting 16 people. The country is going to shit as well, which adds to the gloom. Like even driving somewhere to visit people is russian roulette as to whether you’ll get caught in roadworks, an accident or phantom traffic. Just not worth it unless you really have to.

I used to get Xmas clothes for everyone. House had to be cleaned throughly , clean sheets on every bed. And remained in those clothes. But after years of struggling to make dinner , host family whilst wearing heels and frocks, I decided no more . As time goes on different dynamics change things . Kids grown, parents passed away .. Down from 12 to 6 . Much more low key.

I dare say you’re assuming that your own experiences/feelings are going to apply to everybody else.

I agree with you OP. I think most people don't want or need this 'perfect' day.

Yes, this puts it better than I did. Thanks SovietSpy!

90s Christmases were the best for me.

1 of 4 kids, cousins lived round the corner, grandparents visiting with a 5L bottle of orange diluting juice (not really sure why).

East 17 was on the radio, got Mousetrap as a present, a programme on the tele was "miss it and you've missed out" rather than video on demand today. Christmas #1 was a real thing as opposed to whatever manufactured pop shite comes out from Xfactor that year.

I'm very fortunate to be in that sweet spot of being young enough to pick up all new technology but old enough to have had a childhood.