To think this is just rude on christmas Day

[Lucyy97]

To invite your daughter and grand daughter round then walk dog twice and spend over 2 and half hours upstairs in bed ?

I'd go and find him and say "Dad, what's up? You've invited us over but we've barely seen you and you're in a terrible mood".

Yeah you don't actually seem to be worried?

Very rude. Unless he is unwell.

My uncle was like this. He didn't really like noise, mess, being out of routine, or too much company. My aunt was responsible for inviting family round and then he'd sulk.

If it’s out of character for him, I’d assume he was feeling ill. Walked dog as usual, needed lie down, kept out of your way so not spreading germs etc. I was feeling awful on Saturday, DH had hobby friends round. I walked dog, had a sleep, made myself quick lunch, gave dog another quick walk, had another sleep…..

What did your mum say when you asked her why dad was acting like this?

I presume you have asked her?

Either they've had a blazing row or he's ill.

If your mum doesn't know, go and ask him yourself

My Dad does similar sometimes, but he has severe tinnitus and sound sensitivity… I have a 4 year old. Could it be something similar?

My Dad appears agitated when sound affects him - like it’s making his head physically hurt, he will take time away from noise on a bad day with the dog/garden/log chopping etc if needed.

He absolutely won’t admit it and will not see a doctor if asked what’s up, just mutters and grumbles under his breath about ‘bloody kids’.

Don’t be silly

Sorry to ask the obvious but does he like you/your daughter?

Ask your mammy if he's okay?

Stop being so sensible, this is MN fgs!

Are you okay there, Dad? Can I bring you up anything to eat or drink?

Don't go in with commenting on his mood or behaviour. You wouldn't mind if he was around or not if you didn't love him I suppose. So just go and offer a bit of kindness?

If he's rarely like this surely it's more likely he's tired / ill / depressed or just upset about something? Depression certainly catches many people this way.

Maybe he's done the best he can and this is the nearest to putting on a smiling face for family he can manage?

And if he's struggling to keep his temper best he stays out of the way. Try not to take it personally - it's quite likely not about you at all.

I find Christmas Day so unbelievably long and draining. People get super tired if they've had drinks. I like a nap on Christmas day.

Poor guy.

He's exhausted, feeling low. Did you ask to walk the dog with him? Maybe he's also coming down with a cold.
Some people don't particularly like Christmas.
Give Dad/Grandad a big hug for Christmas and leave him be. Have a beaut day with your mother. She really will appreciate you being there.

My dad has just got up from a 6 hour rest and opened wine with my sister when we’re all in bed. I’ll be up with 2 kids at 5:30

Your dad didn't invite you, for whatever reason he's not up for visitors, and this is how he's getting through that experience.

Whether that's because he's having a bad week/month, whether it's he doesn't want to be around you or child, or just doesn't want people around. There's a reason in there.

Sounds most like an argument to me.
At 57 and without underlying health issues, there's no way he needs to go to bed during the day 🤣

You’re lucky that’s all he did. My husband was at work Christmas Day so I took the baby to my in-laws and my FIL sat in the kitchen all day with the TV up full blast, had his dinner and then went straight to bed. He didn’t even come out to see baby’s presents being opened or anything. Wish I never bothered and went to my own moms. MIL tries to make it a good day for everyone but with FIL being a right miserable git puts a dampener on everything

They need to get one of these (maybe in the corner of the sitting room).

At the same age my Dad started randomly swearing under his breath and huffing and puffing all the time , he often didn’t even seem to realise he was doing it. It turned out to be the start of a huge mental breakdown and depression that lasted several years . It was totally out of character and he had no history of mental health issues whatsoever . Worth reaching out and/or keeping an eye on him.

Had he slipped into the pub with the dog to get peace and then needed a lie down?

I thought he was going to be really old but he's 57! Defo sounds like an argument with the mum.
My dad never joined us for Christmas. He called it a pagan holiday and would stay in his room all day. He didn't stop us from celebrating though- no tree allowed though as that's pagan worshiping 🙄. Other decorations were fine!
But as he'd always been like that I never knew any different and the rest of the family had a fabulous day. Doesn't sound like the case for OP obviously.
Now, it's my mum who sleeps all day! Will literally wake up to eat, then sleep on the sofa snoring annoying everyone until the next round of food/snacks. She's mid 70's though.
Sorry, not very helpful for OP. I'd definitely talk to him.

M8ght be just me but l never felt anyone had to entertain me when l went round to my mum and dad's house. It's just home. Even though l haven't lived there for years. It's the same now with my own dc. When they are here they are chilled and anyone walking the dog, having a nap wouldn't concern anyone as it's just home. My dh is a bit older than your dad but he has to escape company now and again and we all just carry on. Some people just can't sit around too long or need some time alone. You are all at home. It's good he feels relaxed to do his own thing. I wouldn't consider it rude.

If he’s 57 he was almost certainly born in 1967 which imo is one of the very best years for music. If I were born in 1967 I’d probably be upstairs listening to the Kinks, Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich and the Small Faces as well, tbh.

I’d go upstairs and sing the line of the Engelbert Humperdinck song
‘Am I That Easy To Forget?’ - which was released in 1967 - in the vain hope that this attempt at humour raises a smile at the very least from him.

Failing that, OP - I really don’t know, I’m afraid. I’ve never actually had this happen and I fear that quizzing him on it, if he’s not feeling sociable, will further irritate him. In his situation I know that further quizzing would irritate me.

But I’d feel unhappy as well OP, I do sympathise with you. I hope you get it resolved soon. ❤️