DH slagging off my Santa gifts

[needlesandhaystacks]

I've had a good few glasses of wine so maybe I'm het up.

As I was getting the Santa presents out earlier DH declares, 'Is that it?' We have 2 DC, 2 and 5. I have, as always and with most things, got all the gifts. Both children have got exactly what they asked for. 2 year old won't have a proper clue anyway about quantity and 5 year old has nice things but I haven't gone overboard. We have a house full of toys, we have extended family who will be buying lots. They both get lots throughout the year.

DH questioning why they haven't got more toys. He's done absolutely nothing to contribute to getting the presents, if I'm being honest, isn't that great a dad, I literally do everything. He's saying I'm boring etc. my Christmas's must have been boring as I've got them some practical stuff too.

I just think we have years ahead of us of the kids demands etc and I don't want spoilt children; Christmas or not.

I know some children won't have half the stuff mine will get, and just because we could afford to spend more, should I have to?!?

Lots of people do this

Between the wine and the madly rushing around in the run-up to Christmas, it sounds as though this exchange has brought things into sharp relief for you.
You don't have a partner. You have another child. One who still thinks that mum makes the world revolve and everything just happens.
Enjoy Christmas with your actual children and make an early new year's resolution to either train him to be a functional adult next year, or get rid of him.

When my 2 were small, I needn't have bothered with the 'downstairs' presents at all as they were both always super chuffed with their wee stockings that Santa left on their beds.

One year my DD was so delighted she carried her stocking round all day and made it all bobbly. It's how we tell whose is whose when we look them out on Xmas Eve!

If you are still together next year, remind him of this conversation and delegate all of it to him.

I would be tempted to stick a pin in his big toe while he is sleeping and then pretend concern that he might have a cramp.

A grown ass man shouldnt need training and if he does then I certainly wouldnt be making it my problem!

May I amend your post to say that next year the OP should stop anything at all for him, washing, cooking, shopping, facilitating etc or get rid.

Yanbu. There were a few bits not wrapped and dh got pissy about it as I sent him back to get the wrap in the loft. I said he can do it all next year seeing as I’d done it all (like every fucking year) 🤔

OMG. When are we gona stop putting up with men that do the bare minimum and don’t even have the decency to be grateful.
I hope you don’t do everything else for him as well. Make sure he pulls his weight tomorrow and fucks right off with his stupid comments.

Love it

That's just so lovely 🥰

My absolute favourite ever present was a Hobby Horse mum made...I caught her making it, and was agast at his beauty.. She cleverly said ''He's for my reception class'' {she was a teacher}

I begged and pleaded for a go on it when he was finished, and she said ''No, He's for the school''

When I got him on Christmas Morning, I was So delighted.

He fell to pieces, I loved him so much, but I still have his ears and eyes somewhere {made of old brown buttons}

Sometimes the very best, most treasured toys don't cost much at all.

Just love the stories of kids who are satisfied with the small and inexpensive presents like this..That's so sweet.

I thought everyone did this?

I would be taking a big step back next year and telling him he can organise the presents. I'm sure your kids will be more than happy with their gifts OP, and let's be honest, you probably have a far better idea of what they would like than your useless DH.

Just tell him well if he wants to put his hand in his pocket and buy his children more his welcome too but given that you have done it all alone he doesn't get a say. What's that saying? Cough up or shut up. Time to ask santa for a new man in your life as clearly the current one needs upgrading.

Perfect

Why do women put up with men like this? Did you imagine you'd one day be saying "he's not really that great a dad" about your life partner and the father of your children? Whilst awful, this particular incident of your partner slagging off your gifts really isn't your biggest problem.

Why don't you demand better for yourself?

This!

The answer to your question, “just because we could afford to spend more, should I have to?” is absolutely not!

Your DH’s attitude is proof (if any were needed) of the consequences of overindulging children to the point they become ungrateful, self-centred, inconsiderate, rude adults!

When out 3 children were growing up, our family tradition was for them to have two or three presents each under the Christmas tree from us (plus anything sent by relatives) and a stocking from Santa. Santa’s gifts always included an orange and some walnuts in the toe, a new toothbrush, toothpaste, flannel, bubble bath, a book, a fancy pair of socks, a game to play, a jigsaw puzzle, a colouring book with pencils, pens and other stationery, a winter hat/gloves/scarf, 2 or 3 small toys, a selection box of sweeties, a bag of chocolate coins and a small soft toy (that we left unwrapped) peeking out the top of their stocking. All three children were always thrilled with what they got. Now our two sons have their own children, they do something very similar for them, which suggests they still appreciate their own Christmas traditions.

Young children have no concept of the monetary value of gifts, nor do they distinguish between what adults consider ‘utilitarian’ and luxury goods. They are simply thrilled to be opening the wrapping paper and building little family traditions that will give them a lifetime of special memories.

Without wanting to sound smug (as I certainly made many mistakes as a parent and there are loads of things that in retrospect I wish I’d done better as a mum) I think we got the balance right at Christmas because all three of our children turned into exceptionally kind and considerate adults who continue to express genuine appreciation for any small treats and pleasures they are given.

Conversely, some of their friends who were regularly given much more as children, have become unhappy, selfish, inconsiderate and entitled adults who show very little appreciation for anything.

Keep going OP… your children will undoubtedly be thrilled and appreciate everything you’ve given them both now and as they get older.

I would be fuming if my DH said this after contributing nothing! Ask him where his half of the presents are and tell him he can do it next year.

My partner has form for doing this to me too.
Does nothing but will criticise what I have done.
Over the years I have decided to concentrate on the kids and I refuse to do his family presents. Then I don't feel like I'm doing EVERYTHING!
I don't understand it. It can be a hard task and have to meet multiple criteria.. 1) in budget 2) things kids will enjoy opening 3) not wasteful and needed 4) yet still fun and exciting 5) same value as siblings 6) or if not same value, same sized pile visually... all planned for, cross referenced to Santa lists, payed for and wrapped in advance!!

It infuriates me every year that my partner falls short of what I would like him to help me with!

'oh no DH, I've been waiting for you to pull the rest out of your arse, preferably already wrapped'

As much as I fully agree he has no right to comment if he’s a shit dad, I don’t agree with you that if you don’t minimise gifts to your kids you risk them being spoiled. Spoiling a kid takes an ongoing effort. And restricting gifts isn’t the way to prevent that.

in saying that, I’d examine why uoure with him. I couldn’t be with someone who is a shit dad. And that for me, is a much bigger issue then him saying is that it over the Xmas haul, especially if you’re both quite drunk ie he’s been drinking as much as you.

Perfect response

I’d say….”These are just the gifts from me, haven’t you bought your children anything?”

Just say "we just need to add your gifts and it will be fine"

He's obviously feeling inadequate because he hasn't contributed and is making himself feel better by making you feel shit. What a lovely man!

I hope you told him that since he does fuck all he doesn’t get to have an opinion on your efforts?