Need some clarity as husband not bought me a Xmas present!

[goodnightgrumble]

So..my husband has form for been shit with presents for birthdays and Xmas. It was recently my big birthday and we booked a weekend away with friends. However, on the evening I asked my husband to stay sober so I could relax and enjoy the evening as we have kids and one of us needed to stay relatively sober.
That ended up been me as he got shit faced so I stopped drinking when he started getting drunk.
I put it to one side as he works really hard and puts in a lot of hours although I work too but not as many hours. But.....
I have bought everything for Xmas for the kids, wrapped and basically done it all. I have bought him presents, his family presents and even got him exclusive tickets for a sporting event. What have I got? It has.now come to light that he has bought me nothing as he has not had time and I apparently have not told him what I want.
I feel really pissed off. It's like he does not value me at all. He is a high earner and thinks that he does his bit by earning the money! Even could not get me a bloody box of chocolates. Besides presents he is a a good husband but I seriously feel like leaving him as it is like I have no value apart from looking after the kids!

Rule number one of relationships:

• Stop buying gifts for the in-laws and earning DP brownie points. You get no thanks from anyone, it’s a thankless task.

Nor has mine we haven't bought for each other. There is absolutely nothing I really want. No kids at home though.

Besides presents he is a a good husband

He’s not though is he? Be honest with yourself. And have higher standards.

A good husband doesn’t go out and get utterly shitfaced on the night of his wife’s birthday. Or fail to budget for presents or claim he hasn’t had time.

His failure to buy you a Christmas present is poor but it’s not the real issue here. The real issue is he’s a lazy drunk who treats his wife like a domestic servant. The question is what are you going to do?

He doesn't appreciate you or care about you

Get a divorce for Christmas

Doesn’t solve the problem of feeling valued? It would make me feel even worse to have to do this. It’s practically stealing yourself a present.

How did today go OP?

It has.now come to light that he has bought me nothing as he has not had time...

What else has he had to do that's a higher priority for him than your happiness and well-being? It sounds like getting drunk made the cut, but doing his half of the shared household/family responsibilities didn't.

... and I apparently have not told him what I want...

Has he asked you and is genuinely waiting for a response?

Update.
Xmas morning I gave him his presents and calmly asked where mine was. He said he had not got me anything and was apologetic. I was super calm and explained it was not good enough. When people asked me on Xmas day what I got I said nothing and watched him squirm.

He has been nothing but sweetness and light and he has to start considering me as I have decided I deserve better.
Time will tell but he has said no excuses and it is totally unacceptable. He is not a man of many words but has wrote me a letter apologising. What an idiot.
He is generally ok at getting presents even though they are not well thought out. However, until he puts in more effort then he will be getting nothing from me in the future. I am not been last in the pile when I do so much for everyone else around me.
I think Xmas brings out alot of feelings and it is quite clear that he is not the only selfish man after reading other threads. However, I have allowed him to be selfish and it stops now. Go me!!!

I am so glad you did not make excuses for him.

Yes! Good for you for calling him out! Hopefully he will figure out how to treat you with respect.

I'm glad you've made him squirm! But how apologetic was he and has he got you anything since? Has he done stuff around the house?

@goodnightgrumble

I would sit him down & tell him exactly what you've said here. Then pack a bag & go away for a few days & leave him to do everything by himself. Don't contact him AT ALL. Tell him you need the time to consider if you want to stay married to him or not. DO NOT feel guilty about leaving him to cope with the kids - they'll be fine.

Maybe a reality check will be the kick he needs to remember that you're his wife, not his housekeeper/nanny. If nothing changes, you can either choose to accept his awful treatment/view of you or permanently leave the selfish prick.

Well done OP

Now think what you would have liked to open and buy it now . I hope he learns his lesson

Yes. You’re right there.

I totally agree it conveys you are not valued. My DH does this and other awful thigns that led me to a breakdwon. it must be really impacting you if you are considering leaving. I wish I and left befroe he totally broke me as I went into psychosis