To think I’ve been uninvited

[Scottishmum1984]

I had a text from a friend a few weeks ago asking if myself and my dd, age 8, were free for a NY party she was thinking of organising. I said yes and she said she would be in touch.

Found out today she started a group WhatsApp invite with details, including a few mutual friends…

I text her casually to ask if party was still on and what could I bring… she left me on read.

I should take a hint shouldn’t I? I feel so left out, reminds me of school days..😓

I think wait until perhaps 27th (to allow for Christmas mayhem to subside) and then message her “hi, hope you had a lovely Christmas! Can you let me know re: New Year - are we still going ahead? I have turned down another invitation as you asked first, so I am hoping to see you. Can I bring anything?”

Doesnt matter if that’s a little white lie - she needs to realise that she has behaved badly (if its not just simple Christmas-related absent mindedness)

It doesn't sound promising, I grant you, but it is Christmas Eve today, maybe she hasn't had the chance to respond. I personally wouldn't expect a reply until after Boxing day

It literally would have taken a few seconds to respond to the OP's WhatsApp message had it been a simple case of the "friend" being forgetful (at what is, tbf, a very busy time of year).

"Yep, party still going ahead. Sorry, been mad busy here, will send details when I have a sec."

I'm sorry OP, but I think it highly unlikely that you're still invited. It's awful behaviour on this woman's part and horrible for your DD who has been looking forward to the party and seeing her friend(s).

In your place there'd be no going back for the friendship for me and she'd be kept at arms length in the future.

What a cowardly scumbag she is.

This is great advice. Do this

Very 'Mean Girl' behaviour.
I wouldn't be regarding this person as a friend really.

Tell her that you know about the WhatsApp group and ask her why you aren't in it, after all she had asked by text if you and your dc were able to attend.

Oops sorry just read that you’ve already done this. How nasty of her.

Do you know anyone else who will have been invited? I think you might given you know there's a WhatsApp group and you're not on it. Can they help? They could add you to the group or you could all turn up together to the party, maybe.

Leave it. It's upsetting but honestly people like this are vile and not worth it. I feel for your daughter but just be honest with her. Plan something really special for you and your daughter and enjoy it like that. I'd rather be on my own than with mean girls.

I would just leave it and not contact her anymore about it, or contact her ever again actually. She was probably initially scouting out who was free for her party and because she had a lot of interest she decided to only go ahead with actually inviting a chosen few. It’s awful behaviour and she clearly isn’t a friend. Try to make NYE special with your child. If you don’t end up hearing off her about the party then cease the “friendship”.

That's shitty. Are there any community events happening you could join then if not all night a party with DD? I wouldn't chase further. If she gets in touch, she gets in touch.

A party at home just you and DD I mean

Yes, if you are young, and a divorced woman/single parent then It is not uncommon that you will be sidelined.

It was explained thus:

''It's woman who do the inviting, and couples or men are safer than lone women who may be open the prowl for our husbands''

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

But experience proved it to be true.

When one gets older, it's easier. But a young woman is not going to get many invites, and loneliness can really creep in.{Whereas when one was coupled up, there were many more invites.}

THIS ⬆️ ⬆️ ⬆️

FWIW - this lady isn’t a true friend and I’d personally withdraw from the "friendship". Friends are there to support you, not to make you second guess and feel bad. I suspect she'll know deep down that she did a shitty thing given that she hasn’t responded to your message.

Yea tbh it sounds as though she’s changed her mind for some reason. Even if she gets back to you later it seems like an afterthought, especially after not adding you to the group. I’m really sorry- that’s a shit thing for her to do.
i would book a lovely late afternoon meal for you and DD or the cinema and make your own plans. I’ll bet you’ll have more fun.
i remember once a mutual friend of a party woman once texted us for party details as she couldn’t find the address. A party we were the only ones in the group not invited to, despite these people attending several events I’d hosted. It was really hurtful at the time but DD and I went and had a day together- one she still remembers and talks about as an adult. I doubt she’d feel the same about the birthday party!
Try not to give it too much energy

I’d turn up. Let dd have the best time with her friends. No skin off my nose.

If she leaves you on read I would wait until NYE and say that you're disappointed that she invited you but then didn't include you in the group WhatsApp and that you'd have had more respect for her if she could have been honest about her changing her mind. Wish her all the best and then ask her not to contact you again!

Definitely send another message and ask if you are still invited (will look really bad if she ignores you again and I would guess the friendship would be over).

I wouldn’t just turn up it would be too awkward.

I think this is overkill. Take the high road if you're going to not turn up, just ignore the woman from now on.

That’s appallingly bad manners, abhorrent form and an ungodly lack of respect.

With friends like her you don’t need murderers.

Have a little party with your daughter and make up some excuse why you’re unable to go to Ms. Durfwad’s house on New Year’s Eve.

Maybe let your daughter have her own little glass of champagne and toast 2025 together. ❤️
You’re the real Wonder Woman, @Scottishmum1984.

How long has it been since you messaged? She might just be busy and keeps forgetting to sit down and message the details.

Why would she ask your availability and not invite you? Makes absolutely no sense. I’d assume an error on her part and she’s been too busy to reply. If she didn’t want you there, she wouldn’t have messaged you in the first place.

This. I’d give it more time. She’s probably rushed off her feet today and isn’t thinking about NYE. Possibly worth giving it more time and hopefully she will get back to you. Hopefully it’s an innocent mistake and she’s not added everyone to the group yet.