AIBU to say some people are quite happy to spend Christmas day on their own

[fiftiesmum]

Item on news this morning saying a high proportion of people will be spending tomorrow on their own.
DH says surely they have someone they can go to rather than being alone.
The percentage of over 65's on their own is the same (but numbers increased) but the proportion of 21-34 year olds has increased.
He says they should visit parents and family but families are more complex so which one do you visit, there may have been other problems which you don't want to revisit. Perhaps work, travel make it easier to go at other times and more pleasant as you are free to leave

Absolutely this .

I wouldn't actually mind it - I personally don't think it a a big deal.

My mother wants to spend Christmas Day on her own. I think that's absolutely fine, as she's perfectly capable of looking after herself at 88. But my brother doesn't agree and is going against her wishes and going to visit. This is because he thinks he knows better, sigh.

This year I will be having dinner with the couple who live across the road, but spent last year alone and loved it. I live alone, have no family, and while I enjoy socialising with friends I am extremely happy pottering around by myself. I anticipate all of my future Christmases being alone, and I'm perfectly okay with that. My exDH usually spends the day alone (we live in different towns), and he also loves it.

I.m overjoyed to be spending Xmas alone. DS, DiL and I all decided we are knackered after a really tough year at work, we are all NHS and social services so we decided to stay in our own homes, not do anything and chill in PJs. It's absolute bliss.

I wasn’t planning to be on my own, but a stinking cold meant I had to cancel plans to visit family. Which is a shame but I’ll go next week instead if I’m better.

The cat & I will have a relaxed day together, open our presents & if I feel up to it I’ll build her new cat tree. All good.

I’m spending Christmas alone, by choice, and so far it’s going great! I love not having to worry about or pander to anyone and just having a chilled day. It’s not my first time doing it, and I intend to do it every year.

There’s a big difference between that & actually being alone, though.

Erm, do you think that the OP should be hoping that her parents will outlive her? She is well aware of the implications, and she is already choosing to spend her Christmases with her parents. Why do you think she needs a guilt trip? 🙄

Sometimes it's just the logistics of it all, there isn't always time to travel and get back in time for work, not everyone has loads of time off at Christmas. I've had several different Christmasses over the years, some on my own which I actually really enjoyed, some with friends which I also really enjoyed. Christmas she's now are pretty much always with the in laws as they are not getting any younger so we are all making the most of it and they have a big house which is a great place to host-they also can't travel to us hence we go to them.

The other day I found out that a close friend of my DHs spent Christmas alone a few years ago - at 28. I remember now that Christmas asking what he was up to and him saying he hadn’t worked it out yet but he was newly single and had a slightly strained family relationship so while I’m not surprised I’m very upset to think that he felt he had to keep it secret. We saw him New Year’s Eve that year and he had pretended he had had a nice Christmas.

He absolutely could have come to mine and DHs family Christmases but some people don’t want to feel pitied, or to admit they need help.

I'll be an empty nester in the not too distant future. I've told my DC they're always welcome back, but I will never insist on it. I'm very happy to do it alone if they have other plans / want to just stay home. (Part of me actually quite relishes the idea!)

I’ve been on WhatsApp all day fielding messages from a friend who is with her DH and his family for the next few days. There are 18 people expected for lunch tomorrow, 12 of whom are staying in her in-laws house alongside her. Her DH has 3 siblings who are coming with their partners and DC. Friend is beside herself dealing with the in-laws, noise and chaos. But she also reminded me how unhappy she was spending Christmas Day completely alone in her 20s as she was estranged from her relatives (most of her immediate family are in prison). I think there are definitely moments she would love to be alone but as she said, it’s a luxury to actually consider that an option rather than it being an enforced state of affairs.

How do you know he pretended to have a nice Christmas? He might have enjoyed the day on his own…

@itsmylife7 I think you hit the nail on the head -

@Eastie77Returns because I recently found out about this having happened and he said he had unbelievably miserable!

Maybe he wanted to be alone? I've been fending off invites, I've no interest in doing a big Christmas gathering!
I don't say I'm alone now because people insist how miserable it is, like when you go for a meal and people try and get you to join them if you're by yourself

@fivebyfivebuffy see my post above - he did not want to be alone

I know some people who have lots of offers but prefer to spend it on their own and I think I would be the same if I didn't have any immediate family to spend it with (partner or children). Unless you have someone very close to your own wavelength, it could be easy to feel like you are imposing, or feel obligated to stay all day when you might just want to go round for the dinner.

Spent quite few Christmasses alone by choice. This one is with the nuclear family. Tried with the in laws. It was a nightmare. She has a second husband but she bought the house with her own money, he has a chip on his shoulder and behaves rude to everyone who dare to seem to know his little dirty secret.

My ideal Xmas was a week in Tenerife in a posh hotel. On the day sun loungers/ beach, with gala dinner at night. Bliss. Elderly parent means have to stay here, will enjoy their last years with them then it will be Xmas in the sun

^ This.........sums up the dichotomy perfectly.

But how do you know he was pretending? And why on earth should it upset you? He may have had a lovely Christmas. And why do you automatically assume that spending Christmas alone is about people not wanting to feel pitied or admit that they need help?

The problem is that when people make the assumption that you don't want to be alone (because they wrongly imagine that nobody does), they invite you along or try to include you and it can make you feel pressured because you don't want to appear rude. It can make for a very awkward situation.

@CoubousAndTourmalet i have twice said upthread that he did NOT have a nice Christmas and I know this because he told us in the same conversation where he mentioned spending it alone in the first place

Yes, happy to spend Christmas alone, though I think it’s actually other family and friends who struggle with the idea for them of us being alone. They have an issue - but I/we don’t necessarily.

Sadly just had my 98 yo DMIL weeping on screen - she has someone with her, but is crying that I am alone. (Sad memories of the happy decade plus that I hosted her family I guess - but also onerous for me and my memories are tinged with a little resentment in places too…)

Facing a first Christmas as a widow, all happily planned out, loaned a dog for a walk, new PJ’s, nice food, tv etc - but a ND incomer who I didn’t know pestered me via multiple means for her to spend her day with me - I had to be very direct that was distressing.

Just back now from spending 2 weeks in the sea somewhere warmer - happy to totally miss the run up to Christmas here and sneak home quietly under the radar. Last year spent in a UK airport hotel with a meal-deal and won’t repeat. Tried staying abroad for Christmas many times, but dislike how hyper, disruptive and loud it becomes in many hotels.

Not sad at all - happy memories of old spending past Christmas days skiing glaciers or sailing catamarans, walking the beach with friends, swimming naked in the sea, cycling, snorkelling - no regrets.