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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel completely used by close friend?

61 replies

fudgetoff · 22/12/2024 23:48

One of my best friends has just completely cut me off since she began a new relationship just under a year ago and now has decided to get back in touch as her partner cheated on her.

She didn't have many friends, she wasn't close with family and I treated her as one of the family.

We helped each other out.

We would see each other at least 3/4 times a week.

She started to act abit strange/ distant towards the end of last year.
When we would meet she would always look at her phone and have to rush back, when before we would spend hours just having a laugh.

Out of the blue in January this year she updated her status to "in a relationship" and posted pics up of her and her new fella.

It was strange as she hadn't even mentioned she was seeing someone to me or our mutual friend and she usually told me everything.

Around February time she blocked us on Facebook, and stopped all contact.

Now her relationship has fallen apart as her partner cheated on her she has text me asking to see me on Christmas Day!

At first I thought maybe she may of been in an abusive relationship and forced to cut contact but this wasn't the case.

She is saying she will be alone on Christmas Day.

Her family don't have anything to do with her and in all the years I have known her has never spent Christmas with them which I find very strange.

AIBU to just tell her it's not my problem as I feel she used me when she had no one.

OP posts:
HouseMoveHopeful · 22/12/2024 23:51

Prior to this relationship was she a good friend or was she a fair weather friend?

I’d find it very hard to welcome her back into my life after being dropped like that.

rockstuckhardplace · 22/12/2024 23:52

Depends how strong your friendship was before. I'd find cutting all contact hard to forgive.

Original poster
fudgetoff · 22/12/2024 23:53

Yes she was a very good friend, she was always there for me when I needed her.

In hindsight I think it was because she had nobody else.

OP posts:
TheGirlattheBack · 22/12/2024 23:57

Asking to see you on Christmas Day sounds like she doesn’t want to be alone for Christmas rather than rekindling your friendship. I wouldn’t reply if I were you.

BMW6 · 22/12/2024 23:59

Well I certainly wouldn't see her on Christmas Day - depending on what she has said re why she cut you off I might meet for a coffee in the new year.

Wanting to see you on Xmas day smacks of using you because she's got no-one else.

Choccyaddict4eva · 23/12/2024 00:00

No, don’t allow her back. Tell her that real friends don’t suddenly block, or cut off their friends when they get in a relationship, and that she can now continue to lie in the bed she has already made for herself.

Mulledjuice · 23/12/2024 00:01

Have you asked her why she blocked you for the best part of a year?

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/12/2024 00:02

How sure are you that it wasn't an abusive relationship?

BedBathAndBeyonce · 23/12/2024 00:02

She has clearly shown you who she is and how she is prepared to treat you. Why would you go back for more?

Ladyoatcookies · 23/12/2024 00:03

Definitely not.

I wouldn’t reply instantly to say anything at all though.

Maybe contact her after Christmas Day if you want to hear her out ,but it doesn’t sound like she’s even acknowledging how poorly she treated you.

Baileysfeverdream · 23/12/2024 00:08

I would tell her that you were hurt when she blocked you and ask her why she did it. Depending on her answer you can meet up with her after Christmas, or decide not to bother to take up the friendship again.

You don't owe her Christmas.

madeoftoast · 23/12/2024 00:13

If you ignore the message is she likely to rock up at your house on Christmas Day?

Cadburyscreamegg · 23/12/2024 00:13

She will probably spend Xmas with you then get back with her ex in the new year and block you again.

No thanks, no one needs friends like that.

Ladyoatcookies · 23/12/2024 00:14

And Op, if you do reply before Christmas Day try something like “It’s been a while, tbh i was surprised to hear from you after you blocked us earlier this year . I won’t be available to meet on Christmas Day but maybe in the new year we can have arrange to have a chat and discuss what happened between us, as I was quite hurt and shocked when you cut us all off with no explanation.”

Whatever you do though don’t let her slide back into your life pretending as if nothings happened between you and her, and letting her go on about how badly treated she was by her ex without her acknowledging how she treated her own friends!

ShortyShorts · 23/12/2024 00:16

At first I thought maybe she may of been in an abusive relationship and forced to cut contact but this wasn't the case.

Just out of interest, how do you know this to be true?

Browningstown · 23/12/2024 00:20

I certainly wouldn't be replying this side of Christmas.
Do you need people in your life who drop you the first chance they get?
I would think long and hard before I would reply.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 00:22

I definitely wouldn't be seeing her on Christmas Day after that!

If you do decide to cautiously re-establish contact, then it's on your terms, not hers.

I'd be wary that she would do the same again when she gets into another relationship. It was cruel and nasty to cut you off completely like that, and hard to forgive.

GaryLurcher19 · 23/12/2024 00:25

It sounds like she's a user and I'd think twice about making any time for her, never mind on Christmas Day.

That said:
"At first I thought maybe she may of been in an abusive relationship and forced to cut contact but this wasn't the case"

I must ask how you know this, OP?

Volumedelachanel · 23/12/2024 00:26

Of course you're perfectly in the right to tell her to jog on.

FloofPaws · 23/12/2024 00:28

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/12/2024 00:02

How sure are you that it wasn't an abusive relationship?

I was going to say this too - she may have been forced somewhat to cancel all contact with friends and family

Elizo · 23/12/2024 00:29

fudgetoff · 22/12/2024 23:48

One of my best friends has just completely cut me off since she began a new relationship just under a year ago and now has decided to get back in touch as her partner cheated on her.

She didn't have many friends, she wasn't close with family and I treated her as one of the family.

We helped each other out.

We would see each other at least 3/4 times a week.

She started to act abit strange/ distant towards the end of last year.
When we would meet she would always look at her phone and have to rush back, when before we would spend hours just having a laugh.

Out of the blue in January this year she updated her status to "in a relationship" and posted pics up of her and her new fella.

It was strange as she hadn't even mentioned she was seeing someone to me or our mutual friend and she usually told me everything.

Around February time she blocked us on Facebook, and stopped all contact.

Now her relationship has fallen apart as her partner cheated on her she has text me asking to see me on Christmas Day!

At first I thought maybe she may of been in an abusive relationship and forced to cut contact but this wasn't the case.

She is saying she will be alone on Christmas Day.

Her family don't have anything to do with her and in all the years I have known her has never spent Christmas with them which I find very strange.

AIBU to just tell her it's not my problem as I feel she used me when she had no one.

Yeah I think this is like my. She was pushed to cut contact

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 00:36

FloofPaws · 23/12/2024 00:28

I was going to say this too - she may have been forced somewhat to cancel all contact with friends and family

Show quote history

Well then she needs to explain that and apologise for her behaviour, not insert herself into the OP's Christmas Day like nothing ever happened!!

Agapornis · 23/12/2024 00:37

I suspect she blocked her family too, and you were just the latest in a long line.

"I'll think about it. Why did you block me?"

Ladyoatcookies · 23/12/2024 01:12

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 00:36

Well then she needs to explain that and apologise for her behaviour, not insert herself into the OP's Christmas Day like nothing ever happened!!

Show quote history

Exactly. She can’t just slip back as if nothings happened and expect OP to listen to her relationship woes without addressing the fact she cut her off.

Either way I feel it’s entitled for someone to try and force themselves upon an estranged friend on Christmas Day.

She would look a bit more genuine and less self-centred, if she’d waited until after Christmas, and popped around with a gift and apology/explanation.

I’ve let people do that to me in my younger years and I regret it. The main girl I’m thinking of did it to me and most of her other friends when we were about 21 , then she reappeared a year or so later when she was pregnant and wanted friend support (she made me the godmother of her first kid) only to ghost me again at 29ish. I will never ever let her back in my life again.

Thepossibility · 23/12/2024 01:18

I'd want to know why she blocked me. And if it wasn't a really good reason then she would be gone from my life. Dropping contact a bit because you're infatuated with your new man is one thing, but blocking you is like a slap in the face.

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