14 year old's awful table manners.

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 2024-12-22T19:20:31+00:00

I've NC for this, as i find it embarrassing! Just 14 year old's table manners are awful. Gets food around his mouth, shovels it in. He's had fixed braces fitted which he says are responsible for opening his mouth with food in, but his manners were pretty bad before. We have told him and told him and told him. We are not shy about pointing it out. I feel despairing. Why does he get it?

HoundsOfHelfire · 22/12/2024 23:21

What’s he like in front of adult guests or when eating out?

sweetkitty · 22/12/2024 23:25

Oh I could have written your post as I spent this evening telling 14yo to shut his mouth whilst eating as I could see all the food in his mouth. He is awful at the dinner table, he can’t use a knife and fork probably despite us showing him constantly, the food and mouth thing plus he takes an age to actually eat as he’s always talking. I suspect he has ADHD so try and be lenient with some things but basic table manners yuck!

moggerhanger · 22/12/2024 23:29

Oh goodness, I feel your pain. I have a 15 year old who can't hold his knife and fork consistently, has elbows on the table all the bloody time, chews with his mouth open. We are Gen X parents so shit hot on table manners, but despite years of reminders, demonstrations and help, it's no better. I'm out of ideas.

ThatMauveRaven · 23/12/2024 00:01

Do you eat out at restaurants etc much OP? If so I’d no longer give him an invite until his manners improve.

LizzieBennetsSister · 23/12/2024 01:22

Can you tell him that good manners are only consideration for other people, and they don't want to see food in his mouth while he is talking. Tell him it turns stomachs.

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 23/12/2024 01:35

moggerhanger · 22/12/2024 23:29

Oh goodness, I feel your pain. I have a 15 year old who can't hold his knife and fork consistently, has elbows on the table all the bloody time, chews with his mouth open. We are Gen X parents so shit hot on table manners, but despite years of reminders, demonstrations and help, it's no better. I'm out of ideas.

It is the same here.

Tween who eats with an open mouth. I'm just short of putting a mirror in front of them so they can watch themselves.

I repeat myself at every single meal. I have told DC it is disgusting. I have complimented the (occasional) closed mouth. I have copied DC to show how horrible it is to sit opposite someone eating with their mouth open. It takes so much energy and effort to chew with an open mouth.

GiddyRobin · 23/12/2024 01:45

I'm quite laid back with a lot of things, but not table manners. I feel ill watching this kind of thing, so I can only imagine your pain! If I were in your shoes, I'd refuse to eat dinner at the same table. If telling him isn't working then at that age, a little bit of tough love isn't going to go amiss. It's revolting and it won't be good later in life, he'll thank you for being pushy about it when he's older!

My brother used to refuse to use a knife at the table, just a fork. Until one day my dad barred him from the dining table and told him he could eat on the couch because if he was going to act like that, we didn't want to see. He very quickly discovered how to use cutlery properly, and never messed about again. He's very glad for it now!

Toenailz · 23/12/2024 02:51

I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks - I'd send them away from the dinner table and tell them they can return to their plate when they show some respect for those having to endure being around them whilst they're eating, and at least attempt better manners.

The amount of adults that chew like horses and make vile noises/visual displays of their chewed up food in their mouth, makes sense. As does why so many people seem incapable of chewing with their mouth closed as soon as gum is in their hole. Which sounds even fucking worse.

HPandthelastwish · 23/12/2024 02:53

Eating with your mouth wider does help prevent the braces rubbing on the inside of the mouth which hurts and can cut them, however, that doesn't excuse any other terrible or previous habits.

ImmortalSnowman · 23/12/2024 02:58

Nothing but a liquid diet until he learns some manners. Liquidise every meal. Provide a wide straw. Or spoon feed. If he wants to act like a baby learning to eat, treat him like one.

sleepitoff · 23/12/2024 06:50

LizzieBennetsSister · 23/12/2024 01:22

Can you tell him that good manners are only consideration for other people, and they don't want to see food in his mouth while he is talking. Tell him it turns stomachs.

Do you not think it sounds like the OP has done this?

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 23/12/2024 06:51

moggerhanger · 22/12/2024 23:29

Oh goodness, I feel your pain. I have a 15 year old who can't hold his knife and fork consistently, has elbows on the table all the bloody time, chews with his mouth open. We are Gen X parents so shit hot on table manners, but despite years of reminders, demonstrations and help, it's no better. I'm out of ideas.

Put his food in a dog bowl on the floor
No excuse if he has been taught how tobuse cutlery properly

TwoShades1 · 23/12/2024 06:59

I’ve had braces so I don’t think that’s really the issue, I didn’t need to open my mouth while chewing because of the braces. Though good can definitely get stuck in them which can feel a bit uncomfortable. Can he breath through his nose ok? Only asking as I’m often unable to breath through my nose (issues which need surgery) so things that need chewing for a while I may need to breath through my mouth while still chewing occasionally.

TwilightCat · 23/12/2024 07:04

The braces thing is bollocks. I had braces and never behaved like that.

Ask him point blank if he respects you or not. Because eating like that in front of other people is extremely disrespectful. And go from there.

Original poster

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 23/12/2024 07:28

sweetkitty · 22/12/2024 23:25

Oh I could have written your post as I spent this evening telling 14yo to shut his mouth whilst eating as I could see all the food in his mouth. He is awful at the dinner table, he can’t use a knife and fork probably despite us showing him constantly, the food and mouth thing plus he takes an age to actually eat as he’s always talking. I suspect he has ADHD so try and be lenient with some things but basic table manners yuck!

I've often wondered if DC has ADHD. Would this affect table manners?

OP posts:

Original poster

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 23/12/2024 07:29

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 23/12/2024 06:51

Put his food in a dog bowl on the floor
No excuse if he has been taught how tobuse cutlery properly

Show quote history

That's ridiculous. And tantamount to emotional abuse

OP posts:

Simonjt · 23/12/2024 07:30

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 23/12/2024 07:29

That's ridiculous. And tantamount to emotional abuse

Show quote history

A surprisingly number of people on MN are pro abusing children.

Original poster

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 23/12/2024 07:31

Thanks all. It's clear we need to get tough - without crossing any abusive lines. We are SO vocal about it. But it just doesn't stick. I am going to say that he can't eat with us unless he chooses to improve.

It makes me sad! We, as a family, have eaten almost every dinner together since having kids. I make pretty much all the food from scratch. And now this.

The problem is that he also feels we're getting at him about other stuff - like being lazy, not doing errands, leaving his shit everywhere, etc - so he feels 'got at' all the time.

It's a tough age.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 23/12/2024 07:33

Mine do have adhd. Eldest is awful with food shovelling. Middle one has braces and gets food everywhere and you gest has lovely manners. As they got to teens they have gotten worse. I'm a super fast eater so I'm trying to slow down too.

I just try to keep it light with nice reminders (while grinding my teeth)

AgnesX · 23/12/2024 07:35

Record him. The embarrassment might move him to eat more quietly.

Does ADHD affect his motor coordination in some way?

UndeniablyGenX · 23/12/2024 07:38

In a few years he will be at the stage where he's going out for meals with friends, possibly people he wants to impress - it might be worth pointing out that he won't be a popular dining companion if others are sickened by the way he eats so now is a good time to practice better habits.

lobsterkiller · 23/12/2024 07:40

The only other thing I can think of doing is making them eat alone and stating the reason why but that in itself isn't very nice and may also not be effective.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 23/12/2024 07:43

Intensivemoisturiser1 · 23/12/2024 07:29

That's ridiculous. And tantamount to emotional abuse

Show quote history

Whoosh!
How can you possibly believe that was a serious post.
There are some very literal people with no sense of humour.
It must be a barrel of laughs at your place

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 23/12/2024 07:44

Simonjt · 23/12/2024 07:30

A surprisingly number of people on MN are pro abusing children.

Show quote history

As per previous poster...
Whoosh!
How can you possibly believe that was a serious postt.
There are some very literal people with no sense of humour.
It must be a barrel of laughs at your place

BlueMum16 · 23/12/2024 07:46

I would cut his food into small portions like you do with a toddler. If he asks then explain it's to help him eat better.

How does he eat in school? Ask him so friends notice or comment?

Is he rushing to finish and do something else? Maybe straight after food he washes up or loads the dishwasher. That should slow him down.