To not want to go on holiday with DH’s family the week before my 40th?

[purplespinach]

DH wants to go on holiday with his parents, sister, and brother to celebrate their dad’s 70th. His sister lives in Chile and his brother in California. So we’d need to meet somewhere in the middle.

His birthday is a week before mine. I’m 40 the same year.

AIBU to not want to go on holiday the week before my 40th because then that means that if I wanted to go on a trip with my friends then I’d be stuck to pick somewhere in that half of the world? Or if I wanted a longer 2 week holiday with dh then I couldn’t do that over my 40th

I'm sorry I think a 70th trumps a 40th.

Can you go with your friends a bit earlier or later?

YABU. A 70th trumps a 40th, especially when your kids live on another continent.

It's not like you can't celebrate your own birthday. You'll be back for it.

How close to your birthday would you get back? I think YABU, you have plenty of notice and I'm sure you can work out a way to celebrate both birthdays.

You can still go away just do it slightly before or after your birthday 🤷‍♀️

and if you want a 2 week holiday with your dh, pick from the other 50 weeks of the year

this is a one off for a 70th and your dh’s 40th, Yabu

This is a bit excessively first world problems OP. Go on the big family trip, come home, have a big party, have a birthday trip later in the year. Call it a birthday year and keep celebrating.

Or you could just be an adult and go on holiday with your friends a bit later. Plenty of people who go away for their birthday don't actually go on the day

Just do birthday trip earlier or later

This

Invite your friends

Why does going away a week before your birthday mean you can't do what you want for your birthday? And why would you be restricted to that half of the world? I don't understand.

Main character energy.

Go on holiday with DHs family for fil’s 70th. Do this for one week, then fly to another location from the first for your 40th trip, do something with your friends when you get home.

(eg if your FIL birthday trip is to California, have a lovely week there then go to Mexico for a week with just dh then fly home)

one thing I’ve noticed from both mine and DHs family, at 70 most are healthy but it’s often the last big birthday where long haul travel is possible. Health levels fall fast and with one dc in USA and another in South America, a third in UK, your FIL is not going to get many opportunities to get all his dcs together.

YADNBU. I don't agree with the other PPs. You are not obligated to go on holiday for your inlaws birthday. I'm 43 and my 40th felt like the most important birthday so far. Depending on how close the relationship is you could find a compromise but you dont have to.

AIBU to not want to go on holiday the week before my 40th because then that means that if I wanted to go on a trip with my friends then I’d be stuck to pick somewhere in that half of the world?

Why does it? You can go anywhere you want with your friends when you return home. Not going because it’s a week before your birthday is a bit nuts.

Do you actually want your go away with your friends/have you mentioned it to them/any tentative plans made ? Or is it a petulant, what if ?

This. Wholeheartedly agree.

Your FIL 70th doesn't trump your 40th. Your milestone doesn't deserve to be diminished because someone else has a milestone as well. You do what you want to for your birthday, if needs be let DH do the holiday for his dad. Its his dad... Your 40th matters too..

My MIL managed to force her big bday into my big bday weekend, even though her actual bday was two months before me. 🙄

Usually I'm all for saying do what matters to you and don't sacrifice your happiness, but...

It's a 70th birthday and their kids live all over the world, so it can't be easy to coordinate. Plus, it's not over your actual birthday, you'll be back and have lots of options.

Sorry, the 'week before your birthday' doesn't top trump a 70th birthday holiday.

How does being nearly 40 affect a 70th birthday celebration? 🤔

Have you told anyone what you’d like to do for your 40th? If so then yanbu to stick to doing that.

my 40th was a complete let down (long story) and I shall not let anyone mess up my plans for turning 50. It’s nearly 2 years away yet I am already sharing them!!

Definitely first world problems here OP.

If it really meant that much to you - wy have you not organised and booked something before now? I had my 50th holiday booked way in advance! Just choose another of the 51 weeks of the year that are still available and thank your lucky stars that you are healthy and financially well off enough to consider going on such fabulous holidays!

It's natural that your DH and siblings would like to be together to celebrate their Dad's birthday, and presumably have a family celebration for your DH's 40th, too?
Do you not want to celebrate these things?
Would you really be going away for 2 weeks with your friends (rather than your DH to celebrate your 40th?

Your DH's family are far flung so travel is inevitable. Does your birthday have to involve long haul travel and a long holiday?

I do agree your birthday warrants celebration and attention, but most of us celebrate our 40ths without long haul flights and 2-week holidays.

How far into planning your 40th are you? My friends and I all had great plans of going away but, as soon as we got into the logistics, it became impossible ... the teacher in the groups could only go away in the holidays but others couldn't afford school holiday prices and, whether we went away term time or school holiday, for those of us with children, it was going to be a challenge.

I'm celebrating my 50th with friends nearly two months after my actual birthday. Simply because I had a busy month when my actual birthday was.
I really don't see the problem in postponing a celebration

Why on earth does 70th trump 40th? Its a milestone just like 70