To find Boxing Day really overwhelming

[Lerinryan]

DH and I have 2 DC, they are 5 and 7. His parents never host Christmas, it's always branded as being a favour to us as it lets us see my family in Christmas Day and I am grateful for that.
However they go all out for Boxing Day. We live two hours away so usually it involves getting in the car for 7/8 to be there for morning. DHs sister will meet us there and then it's another morning of presents. Around 1 DHs aunt and uncle, cousin and her DD come over and they put on a picky bits lunch. More gifts (tbf only 2 gifts in the afternoon but still). Then they insist on taking everyone out to a ridiculously nice restaurant with a 6pm booking with 5 kids ages 3-10 it's exhausting. The kids are tired and grouchy, my kids are usually great in restaurants but that Boxing Day dinner is painful.
Home let and then we end up leaving at like 8am on the 27th as to make this day work we had to take the kids away from all their new toys.

AIBU to find this really overwhelming and make it work for this year but suggest next year we keep it more low key. Or is this the price I pay for DHs parents being so gracious about us doing every Christmas with my family?

I wonder what your DH would like to moan about regarding your family and your Christmas?

I can't believe you want to make your lovely ILs cook for a large group because it would be easier for you when they are paying for a bunch of people to go out!

Why do you need to leave at 7/8am to get there (at 9/10am) to open presents without the cousin, if the cousin doesn’t arrive until 1pm. The math ain’t mathing!

Leave at 9/9:30 instead or maybe suggest the family meal is at lunchtime instead of evening. You’re getting every single Xmas day with your family so I think you have to go with it.

I'd book at hotel room for boxing day close to his parents and go there with the kids around 6pm and your Husband go to the meal, you / kids can order room service & have a nice bath & bed at normal time. Also let them take some new toys to play with. I use to do this as the kids were too tired after a full day of excitement.

If your husband likes the meal can't just he go? Leave you to have an early night with kids if you find it difficult overwhelming. And you husband can have uninterrupted time with his family? I get it. I would find it exhausting too.

I think it’s one day a year, and each year that goes by will be a different experience with your kids now who are out of the baby/ toddler years. Just muddle through it with a smile for your DH if he gets to see his family

Can't you just say look it's too much for my two to go out and either you stay home with them or volunteer to cook chez in laws. It doesn't sound very full on to me but I cannot understand why you put yourself under pressure to be on the road by 8am on the 27th, the kids' toys will be there whatever time you get back and they've been given more gifts anyway? Have a drink on boxing night and lie on, there are plenty of people there to mind the kids in the morning. I'd say your routine is exhausting you, especially if you were up early Christmas day. Also get to in laws for lunch on boxing day, you're too tired

Some good ideas here. It's the length of the day that makes it more intense and difficult to cope with. So there are two options to look at: moving the start later and setting off later, or shortening the evening by having the meal earlier, or not going to the meal. You could talk to your DH about which he would prefer. My guess is that the later start is more palatable as he likes the meal. It's also more under your control to change the morning arrangements, as they can't make you set off at the crack of dawn, whereas you do have to negotiate with them about the meal timing. All told then, I'd put feelers out about moving the meal earlier and if they really didn't want to or couldn't at this late notice, then I'd set out later and present opening will just have to happen whenever you get there.

Why do you have to see your parents every Christmas Day? Sounds like there's room to stay at your in laws? Spend Xmas with them?

See I am not so sure that its a gracious favour. I think that there may be an assumtion though that it suits everybody? Maybe (and its too late this year) suggest that you have a year when you go to neither family over christmas and do one visit well before and the other visit well after. No kids here but its what we did when our parents were alive and it worked well.