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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not liable to pay this?

115 replies

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

OP posts:
Vinvertebrate · 22/12/2024 14:51

“Jog on, exh”.

Ignore/block.

Lemonadeand · 22/12/2024 14:57

He should be giving you money, not the other way round!

MaidOfSteel · 22/12/2024 15:04

Ask him if he'd have given you half if it had been a cheque for £1k rather than an invoice.

Hollietree · 22/12/2024 15:09

If he didn’t even hire a solicitor to help him through his divorce then he is not going to hire a solicitor to try get £500 out of you. In fact the solicitor would probably charge him that for an appointment, writing you a letter, taking you to court etc 😂

He’s just a chancer who thinks you are a pushover. Stand firm. Tell him you await contact from his solicitor. You will never hear from one.

prh47bridge · 22/12/2024 15:20

I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees

You are correct. He is wrong. Ignore him.

LBFseBrom · 22/12/2024 15:38

You are not liable and there is a possibility that he won't have to pay it, it depends on the circumstances. If it is the employer's fault that he was overpaid he could certainly question and delay it. They can't get blood out of a stone anyway and if he does have to pay, he can do it in instalments. Whatever, it is not your problem. In his place I would ignore the letter until another one arrives, which will presumably be to your house; don't open it (if you recognise it), mark it return to sender, moved, and stick back in the post. You are not lying if you do that. Let them search and find him, they may not bother for £1,000.

WigglyVonWaggly · 22/12/2024 15:40

The therapist who suggested ‘Ok, let me know how that goes’ and the Mumsnetter who posted that on here as advice both deserve a round of applause. Looks like a whole load of us will be regularly inserting that phrase into our conversations with idiots 👏

TwinklyAmberOrca · 22/12/2024 15:43

@cadburyegg tell him you'll pay half when he has paid half the divorce costs and paid child maintenance.

He doesn't have to pay it pronto. He can offer them a sensible amount of say £50 a month.

godmum56 · 22/12/2024 15:52

rwalker · 22/12/2024 12:13

If it is legit presuming it was all joint finances when you decided the split
so I would say yes you do owe it as it’s a joint debt before you split

but you’ve got a clean break so even though you should pay it’s highly unlikely he can make you

nope. the OP does not owe a penny. Its between her ex and his employer.

ChateauMargaux · 22/12/2024 17:18

There was another thread on here, and the OP had some great advice... choose non confrontational responses. . Reply to the solicitor threat with OK.. let me know how that goes. don't ask for clarification, don’t defend your position.

Letsgocamping67 · 22/12/2024 17:21

Tell him as you have no savings which child would you like him to choose to starve cheeky bastard.

Vgbeat · 22/12/2024 18:58

I would literally be laughing at this, I believe it's called karma. He paid nothing and literally as you get a clean break he gets a bill. Tell him to jog on.

Jc2001 · 22/12/2024 19:15

Gazelda · 22/12/2024 11:46

A solicitor will soon put him straight. You owe him nothing.

In any case, does his former employer have a legit case to reclaim the £1k after 5 years?

Yeah. If I was him I wouldn't be paying the former employer anyway. They're trying it on.

Makingchocolatecake · 22/12/2024 21:13

If you're divorced then no, he can pay it. Can't he do a payment plan?

prh47bridge · 23/12/2024 14:34

Jc2001 · 22/12/2024 19:15

Yeah. If I was him I wouldn't be paying the former employer anyway. They're trying it on.

Show quote history

Legally, the former employer has 6 years to reclaim an overpayment. They are not trying it on. If they have overpaid him, he will have to pay them.

Bluejacket · 23/12/2024 14:39

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 11:46

Reply back "Great, let me know how that goes" and move on with your day.

Ha ha!!! See what you did there. I really enjoyed that post too!

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/12/2024 18:53

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

Do not give him a penny. What a cheek! He has no legs to stand on at all. Financial order is final. He’s calling your bluff. Don’t even engage with him in it.

Dont pass in his post anymore either. You’re not the post office. He needs to redirect his mail. Just write “Return to sender. Not at this address” on the envelope and return it to sender. This is not your problem.

tommyhoundmum · 23/12/2024 18:54

No, you don't have to contribute. Don't let him bully you.

He should tell the firm he doesn't have the money to make repayment. He accepted the money in his salary in good faith and it has been spent.

Better still. Don't talk to him at all.

CalmBalonz · 23/12/2024 19:33

Tell him to do one!

Bernardo1 · 23/12/2024 20:39

Two issues.
Q1) can his former employer make this claim?
A1) who cares, not your problem.

Q2) can/should you contribute?
A2) ditto A1

Seriously doubt, the remotest chance he could oblige you to contribute, unless you're silly.

If he didn't use solicitor during divorce, consider it extremely unlikely he would do so for this. Their costs surely would take up much of the 1K, so pointless. They would tell him, little chance anyway, proceeding against you.

ThejoyofNC · 23/12/2024 20:54

I feel like it's a fake letter and he's trying to scam you.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 23/12/2024 21:20

I can see why you divorced the price. Tell him to look up the term clean break and he will find it is the equivalent in this situation to JOG THE FUCK ON YOU CF. Point out he can see all the solicitors he likes but I hope he realises they will charge him and that is just adding to the bill he has to pay.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 23/12/2024 21:22

*Prick

RavenhairedRachel · 23/12/2024 22:41

Tell him to go swivel

44PumpLane · 23/12/2024 22:54

I'm only mentioning this in case it happens to anyone else, not for your Ex's benefit, but if the overpayment employer is the same as the redundancy employer then check the redundancy settlement terms.

When I was made redundant I had to sign that my settlement was full and final settlement of all claims from both parties, Ie if they realised they had overpaid me £10k they couldn't come back to me to have me repay it, likewise if I realised they'd underpaid me £10k (as if) then I couldn't come back to them as we had signed a final settlement.

Much like your clean break order is a full and final settlement really.

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